If all goes according to plan, then this is my Friday this week. WOOHOO! I let all my clients know that I'm taking tomorrow and *real* Friday off, but we'll see how that goes... In any case, I have good intentions - and lofty plans to use my Katie Day tomorrow to go shopping with two of my best friends (both teachers on Spring Break this week).
I still have a couple of hours of work to finish up today if I want to at least try to make tomorrow a no-work day, so I'd best keep plugging away. But in the meantime, I couldn't resist sharing a Friday Smile with you all: The System 351: The Cupcake Sandwich
Oh, okay... Maybe TWO Friday Smiles. Because I am *that* excited about my TWO days off! This one's going to make you feel like Parent of the Year: Not a Single Lady...
Enjoy! And in the spirit of my attempt at a day of smiles and good friends tomorrow, go and do something good for yourself. Promise? Splurge on a coffee on your way into work tomorrow morning. Go for a walk and just take a moment to soak in the feeling of sunshine on your skin. Eat ice cream for dinner. Whatever little thing would make your heart smile - GO AND DO IT. I can't wait to hear all about it :)
Remember when I always had perfectly manicured nails? Flawless cuticles, moisturized skin, immaculate French polish applied to perfectly shaped nails... At one point in my not-so-ancient history, I actually took pride in my hands.
I looked down at them today and LAUGHED OUT LOUD. Three years ago, I literally did a photo shoot as a hand model. Now they look like they belong to a mom. And I never understood why anyone would let their hands look like that... SIGH. Karma is a bitch.
Want to know what I've been so very busy with this week? Lots of things, actually. But mostly helping a group of some of the nicest people I've ever met get the word out about new regulations for small Manitoba potato producers that came into effect today - and their impact on EVERYONE.
You can learn about the newly formed Manitoba Potato Coalition - and how these new rules are going to affect you - here.
Then please stop supporting Peak of the Market and their monopoly control. Right now, it's *only* hundreds of small potato farmers who are affected - but the plan is to roll out similar restrictions for all small vegetable producers in the province. The restrictions are unfair. And what the Coalition is asking for is so utterly reasonable, it will make you cry. We all deserve the choice to buy direct from small local producers, and when we do so, we are truly participating in supporting our community - not just saying it.
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Here’s what it will mean to YOU this summer.
ALL MANITOBANS: With the new regulations introduced on March 31, 2010, you now have less choice when it comes to picking locally grown potatoes When you buy Manitoba grown red potatoes from a major retailer, you are only supporting Peak of the Market’s 13 member potato growers because of their monopoly control within Manitoba
Small Potato Growers: If you grow even as little as one acre of potatoes, you must apply to Peak of the Market for a permit You are permitted to sell only ‘freshly dug’ potatoes Your potatoes can only be sold in bulk (no pre-packaged bags) Any potatoes unsold by November 1 every year ‘must be given to a food bank’
Farmers’ Markets and Seasonal Vegetable Stands: Farmers wishing to sell potatoes must obtain a permit Potatoes can no longer be sold at any market after November 1 of each year Potatoes can now only be sold in ‘bulk’ (ie. no pre-packaged bags)
Year-Round Vegetable Stands: Under these new regulations, small potato producers are no longer allowed to sell to you
Restaurant Owners: If you wish to feature locally grown potatoes on your menu, they must now be purchased exclusively through Peak of the Market
Vegetable Wholesalers: If you want to sell Manitoba grown potatoes, they must now come exclusively from Peak of the Market
I think I've mentioned before that my once rather large baby girl stopped growing last summer. In fact, between appointments in August and February, she gained a grand total of 8 ounces and grew only a tiny bit taller. It was hard not to freak out about it, but I tried to have the same attitude that I kept while I was pregnant and gaining weight - that as long as you're healthy and eating well, then your body does what it needs to do. Our pediatrician (fortunately) thinks a lot like I do, and she wasn't concerned either. Her opinion was that babies around the one year mark tend to adjust and settle into their true size, and that it would have been much stranger for Geoff + I to produce a child who stayed around the 95th percentile in everything (which she was for the first nine months of her life, with the notable exception of her head which has always been OFF THE CHARTS BIG... it still makes me shudder to look at those measurements).
Anyway. Apparently, Briony's ready to start growing again because this child has been eating like a fiend lately. The shift happened literally overnight two or three weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure that she is currently eating more than I am - that's no exaggeration. After a bottle this morning and then a muffin and a smoothie for breakfast and then some Cheerios while we were out on our walk, her lunch has (so far) consisted of an entire avocado, an entire banana, two whole packets of Mum Mums, a portion of cheese... And she's just now starting to slow down. AND THIS IS TYPICAL. She'll have a snack in the afternoon and then an equally massive dinner. She's been all about the meat + potatoes lately (and always veggies... she goes crazy for broccoli). Dinner at The Keg last weekend was like Disneyland to her.
To contrast, I've managed a double tall nonfat vanilla latte with cinnamon dolce sprinkles this morning. Not because I wasn't hungry... BECAUSE IT TAKES UP ALL MY TIME TO FEED BRIONY (hehe).
I stepped on the scale with her yesterday - which I never do, because I believe that if she's happy and healthy, then she's perfect - but I was SO curious because she's finally starting to outgrow the clothes she's been wearing for months and months. And guess what... She's gained three or four pounds in the last month. Can I just say YAY!
Well, YAY except OH MY GOD she is getting heavy.
Which brings me to a very important question... If I'm hauling around a kid all day, and I have been for sixteen months and counting, how on earth do I still have the same Oprah arms that I had while I was pregnant? Explain this to me, please.
I will never be fit to work in an office again... I've seriously started singing out loud while I work. This week - in anticipation of a righteous girls roadtrip weekend to Lilith Fair coming up in July (eee!) - I've swapped Heart's Greatest Hits for the Glee soundtracks.
When the Glee cover of 'Alone' comes up on my iTunes, it gets a little bit crazy in here... :)
I cannot imagine that ANYONE would appreciate this as much as Briony does. My old officemates didn't even like it when I played my old Heart and Roxette CDs... This would KILL THEM.
Briony is pretty much obligated to tolerate me. And she's actually a pretty good back-up singer.
PS - There's a special Madonna episode coming up when Glee is back on the air later this month. With a special mini-album of Glee Madonna covers being released. My head is going to explode. Let Briony's musical education begin, hehe.
Woke up to sounds of babbling and screeching. Wondered why Briony is so obsessed with LOUD NOISES this week. Took eight seconds to pin back my hair and put on some pants. Made a bottle. Brought Briony downstairs. Handed her the bottle while I checked email on my Blackberry. Realized that one of my (important) email addresses wasn't working on my Blackberry. Confirmed that it wasn't working on my laptop either. Confirmed that it wasn't working by webmail. Cursed loudly. Apologized to Briony for cursing. Changed a diaper. Attempted to fix email address while fielding four client calls. Boiled water for tea. Gave up on fixing email address and just used one of my other nineteen addresses. Discovered that the signature on that email had reformatted itself into something UGLY. Attempted to fix signature. Made tea in teapot. Gave up on fixing signature and sent email out without a signature. Updated and sent out a draft of a news release I wrote for a client last night. Put Briony in her high chair with a muffin and some banana. Updated and sent out a link to a new blog I set up for a client last night. Answered the door and received Jehovah's Witness literature from a five year old Asian kid. Thanked God that I'd pinned back my hair and put on pants this morning. Got Briony dressed. Checked in with a subcontractor to make sure things are still on track for today's deadlines. Explained to a client that I can't 'just run out' for a meeting today. Explained to client what a conference call is. Called my mom to complain about my day. Changed a gross poopy diaper. Set up WebEx meeting for this afternoon. Remembered that I had made tea - NOW COLD - and put it in the microwave. Sent detailed instructions to client on how to use WebEx. Crossed my fingers that I won't have to play WebEx technical support person later today. Sent up a quick prayer that Briony will somehow decide to nap during my conference call at 3. LAUGHED AT MYSELF FOR EVEN THINKING THAT. Answered a question about website content that I wrote last week. Sat down and read a few books with Briony. Took a call from a supplier about why I haven't subscribed to their media service yet. Turned the television on for Briony. Wrote out my To Do List for today. Laughed sarcastically about the futility of a To Do List. Replied to two of the emails I'd intended to reply to first thing this morning. Emailed a client about a project that's due later tonight. Tried fixing my darn email address again. Failed again. Remembered to take the tea out of the microwave. (It's cold again.)
Which brings us to NOON.
T minus 6 hours until my clients shut it down for today. T minus 7 hours until Briony goes to bed. T minus 8 hours until Geoff gets home from work. T minus 9 hours until Geoff goes to bed.
So... T minus 9 hours + 1 minute until the productive part of my day will begin :)
I'm totally still wearing these flip flops. ALL THE TIME. And I am totally not That Girl who wears sloppy footwear when socially inappropriate to do so. So far, it's just been in the house and to the park (and maybe Starbucks), but... YIKES! It's not even summer yet.
Today was a productive day. I LOVE PRODUCTIVE DAYS. Surprised? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Geoff was home today, which meant that I had some really great chunks of time available to power through some client deadlines. I'm caught up for tonight, but I still have a list of things to get through on Tuesday and Wednesday. A rather large list. An EPIC LIST. And Geoff's back at work for four straight twelve-hour shifts starting at 7 am tomorrow.
GAAAAH.
I'm sure that I've mentioned it here before, but I believe that it's a very special kind of stupid to tackle full-time work while also attempting full-time motherhood. Now throw in a flare-up of all kinds of arthritis and fibro symptoms (OF COURSE). And a teething, cranky sixteen-month-old (OF COURSE). Just for kicks, let's rip out all possible safety nets, because you've called in every last favour you had while you had surgery a month ago (SIGH). And there you have it. It's a bona fide recipe for disaster. And I'm going to dive right in to that steaming pile head-first tomorrow morning.
Want to know the sick part? I'm still going to like it. Because I do my very best work when I'm so stressed that I can hardly breathe. But I am going to be freaking exhausted by, oh, I'd say 10 am tomorrow.
Have you ever had one of those days where you just stop and shake your head, utterly convinced that life is something that happens *to* you - completely outside of your own control? That's been my last three years. But I think it's getting increasingly stranger.
ANYWAY.
A quick update on our weekend.
I ran out for a last-minute new client meeting on Friday night, met again on the same subject on Sunday afternoon, and have apparently landed myself another new project. I'm pretty excited about this one... STAY TUNED :)
This new project is *another* new public relations project. Which means that - right now - I'm doing more PR work than writing work for the first time since I launched my little business. It's going to be very interesting to see how this feels because I love both kinds of work, and I can see myself doing both long-term - but I've never really been sure about which one to actually pursue. Honestly, I'm not pursuing ANYTHING. But it's lovely and wonderful and kind of miraculous that people have been tracking me down and pursuing ME. I'm keeping so busy. It's been incredible for my self-esteem.
Geoff and I did our taxes. Actually, LINDSAY did our taxes. I'll let you process that for a moment. Truth be told, this English major did remarkably well with high school level Accounting classes - and that's really all you need for tax preparation. I used a super-simple online program and it was pretty much painless. The best part? Geoff's getting a decent return. And I owed $7.16. I feel like I won the lottery. I was scared that I'd owe thousands because of my freelance work, but I apparently did okay with deductions. YAY ME (especially because I had money set aside for the taxes I thought I'd owe).
I met up with some friends on Saturday morning for breakfast + shopping. It was just so much fun to see them without Briony along. Don't get me wrong - I *love* Briony and so do her adopted 'aunties' - but I've been realizing lately how often we all hang out at my house because 99% of my Girls Nights happen when Geoff is working nights. I'm the only one with a baby in most of my social circles, so we naturally end up here and I'm playing mommy while we're all hanging out. It works well, I think. But there's a different quality to Girl Time when you're not worrying about your baby at the same time. I'm hoping to replicate that same quality on Thursday. Geoff is working all day, and I told my clients I was taking the day OFF (gasp!). Katie is coming and I am spending the day with two of my best friends - who both happen to be teachers on Spring Break. I'm ashamed to admit that I don't remember the last time I saw these girls without Briony in tow. WHEN DID I BECOME *THAT* GIRL? Shame, Lindsay. SHAME.
We skipped church on Sunday morning. Again. I feel kind of strange about how badly we've been sucking at bringing Briony to church. It's not that it's not important to us. It is. But at the age she is, it's super hard to go to church (and I end up missing most of it anyway). And with Geoff and I working so much, and opposite schedules, the rare Sunday mornings that we're all at home together have become sacred. Yesterday, we enjoyed our very favourite Sunday morning activity as a family: a walk to Assiniboine Park. We picked up Starbucks on the way and stopped at the park so that Briony could play on the swings. It was good for my soul.
We also skipped an Open House that we'd been talking about going to. Geoff and I both love our house, but I think we both recognize that - at least in its current state - it might not be our Forever House. There's always an option to do some big renos and make it work, but you always need to weigh the pros and cons of just picking up and moving to a house that will work the way it is. Both of these options are probably far down the road for us. We're not actually wanting a BIGGER house, just one that works a little better for us (specifically, a bigger kitchen, more accessible laundry, a main floor bathroom, and a more functional office space - though I'd add a garage and central air to my list too, hehe). But there is a house currently for sale a few blocks over that totally looks like that house that would work... And the location is to die for - one of the only locations that we'd consider to be possibly better than where we currently are (which is really saying something, because we are in love with our current location). In the end, we chose not to go. Too tempting. Too painful. But it's still fun to think about the future.
Last night, we met my parents at The Keg to help celebrate my dad's birthday. Briony did GREAT, and it was a rather quiet affair without Aaron + Cait and Jessica + Kevin + Chloe there - but Briony did her best to make up for it with her full-volume giggling. They came back to our place after for cake (actually it was pie), coffee, and presents. And so that my dad could watch the end of the curling game, of course :)
Hoping and praying that my grandma will experience 'the good kind' of chemo on Wednesday and Thursday this week... We're told there's a good chance that this will go very well. But no matter what, it's still chemo and it's still cancer - and I think she's a wonderful and brave woman for walking this road.
I know, I know... STOP IT WITH THE FRIDAY SMILES ALREADY! I'm cutting myself off. Right after I post this one.
My sister-in-law Caitlin is studying photography at Emily Carr in Vancouver and they had an assignment to approach random people on the street and ask to take photos of them. Cait captured this one and shared it on her blog this week... It makes my heart SO HAPPY. I think that she is *so* talented - and she still has three years to go!
We hit a milestone today. Briony is getting verrry bossy when it comes to others participating in her favourite activity (colouring). Today, she was asking me to draw specific things in specific colours by handing me crayons and then pointing at the paper and letting me know what I was going to draw (a cat and then about ten million butterflies in a row - all in different colours).
When's the milestone where she realizes that her mom seriously cannot draw? :)
So. Random fact about Lindsay. I am ridiculously picky about flip flops.
I try to be frugal sometimes and listen to people who are all like 'oh, these $3 flip flops from Old Navy are AWESOME... why on earth would you spend more?' And I'll buy two pairs and I'll wear them a few times and I'll hate every single second that they are on my feet. Why? Because they suck.
Summer is coming, and I have entered into quest mode in search of The Ultimate Flip Flops. And, dear blog readers, I believe I have found them. (Cue angel music.) I'm wearing them right now - in fact, I might never take them off - and they are GLORIOUS. And the best. How do I know they're the best? I'm glad you asked. The answer is that I'VE TRIED ALL OF THEM. Yes, all the flip flops in all the world.
Meet the Sanuk Yoga Mat Sandal. Why Yoga Mat Sandal? Because they are freaking MADE OUT OF YOGA MAT. Which means that they get full marks in the two most important flip flop qualities: cushiness and grippiness. Nothing makes me angrier than slippery flip flops that force you to do that whole toe clench thing to keep them on (ouch!).
I got 'em in black from Billabong, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be back for more (read: all) colours.
It seemed like such a good idea at the time... Ever since she was little (littler than she is now), we've told Briony that she has 'juice' in her sippy cup. It's totally water. But it was kind of brilliant, right?
Yep. Right up until she's happily splashing away in the bathtub exclaiming 'JUICE! JUICE!'
(And WHAT ON EARTH will happen when she notices it raining outside this spring?)
We're too poor for this much therapy. Sorry, B. We'll buy you a self-help book or something. Other parents have probably done the same thing, right? Probably LOTS of them. No? Damn. I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE A SELF-HELP BOOK.
Actually, next week. Because we finally found the *perfect* rain coat and boots for Miss Briony - but they didn't have her sizes in stock and so they will be coming at the end of next week.
But I cannot resist... Look how freaking cute they are!
My grandma is starting chemo this week, exactly two years after my mom's cancer journey began. I'm trying to focus on the idea of Easter - and chemo - representing new life, but I wish for the old days when Easter meant chocolate and a long weekend.
We had our family gathering early today so that we could all spend some time together - and with my grandma - before chemo starts. After dinner, we all gathered as a group and talked about how we were feeling about starting this journey together and we prayed for my grandma and grandpa. It was really nice... But I had to leave for a few minutes close to the end. I'm just so upset that this is happening again (and then I immediately feel awful, because none of this is happening to me). It's not me, but it's been two of the most important women in my life. And it feels SICK that my mom would beat cancer only to have to immediately turn around and walk through it with one of the most important people in her life - which is going to hurt her very badly all over again, just in a different way. I'm not sure that any of us are ready for this. I wish to God that I didn't know what was coming.
And I'm still not really ready to talk about it, other than to say that I may have solved part of the mystery of why I've been feeling so OFF lately... I may just quit my day job and become a detective or something ;)
I'm kidding. I'm nowhere near finished everything that I need to accomplish this week, and I'm going to be working so much this weekend. But there's still something strangely satisfying about waking up and knowing that it's Friday (even though 'Friday' means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to a family comprised of a nurse, a freelance writer, and a baby).
This week has been a whirlwind. I'm still needing to line up friends and family to cover the time that Geoff is working because I can't pick up Briony. I'm working like a fiend... LIKE A FIEND. And the state of my house is seriously started to stress me out. I guess that - before this week - I was too sick to care. Now that I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it's really kind of getting to me. But I don't have enough energy to really tackle it in a significant way. So I just sit and feel frustrated about it. Awesome plan, I know ;)
Lots on my mind and on my heart right now... I haven't quite figured out how to put it all into words yet, but I'll share when it feels right. We're celebrating Easter early this year so that we can fit it in before my grandma starts chemo, which is bringing up all kinds of yucky buried stuff from exactly two Easters ago when we were just beginning my mom's cancer journey. I'm praying that I can hold it together this weekend. My head knows all that stuff about how Easter symbolizes new life and how chemo is the tool that was able to give life back to these women who are so important to me. But my heart just wants to sit and cry.
You know you've been spending lots of time enjoying the warm weather and sunshine when...
This week, Briony started grabbing her jacket and bringing it to whichever adult is closest to her, saying 'OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE!'
On Monday, we walked to the park with my parents and they had their first Briony swing experience. She did not disappoint. From the first push, it was nonstop shrieks and giggles. We haven't done the swings since then, but we've been going for some pretty serious walks almost every day for the last week or so. I guess she likes it! Which is a good thing, because so does her mama.
I'm not sure how to break it to her that it's COLD out there today... Or maybe we'll just bundle up and make the most of it :)
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I almost forgot that we had Girls Night here on Tuesday. Amber came over after work to help me with Briony (Geoff was working) and we had a great time having dinner, hanging out, and putting Briony to bed. We knew it was getting awfully close to bedtime when Briony started to show Amber how she's learned to turn our living room lamp on and off... And this was apparently *so* hilarious that Briony would literally fall over giggling. I still giggle when I think about it. Briony has the best giggle - she giggles like she means it :)
Christine and Dolly joined us later and it was just a good evening of nonstop talking and friends. Love it. Evenings like that are so very good for my heart.
Sometimes, I honestly enjoy saying NO to things. (I think it's the power.)
But the most I've been forced to say it lately, the more I dislike it. I would say now that I absolutely hate it. And maybe that's natural, but this guilt I'm feeling over all the things I'm currently saying NO to sure shouldn't be.
And I'm not even doing that good of a job of saying it. Because my alarm went at 7 am today so that I could get some work done before my mom's group this morning (where I'm apparently leading a short discussion... what was I thinking when I said YES to that?). And I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE THURSDAY MORNINGS OFF. In fact, today was the day I promised myself DAYS ago that I'd finally schedule some good ME TIME.
Not that being up before the sun to work on client stuff isn't fabulous ME TIME...
I'm deciding right now that I'm going to make that happen today. I need to. Because I did my pre-weigh in today (I like to have an idea of the number that is going to greet me on Friday morning when I need to officially submit my numbers), and I'm at my next milestone. Half a pound under it, if we're being precise - and I'm more than willing to be precise when it's going to work in my advantage. GO LINDSAY! I promised myself when I set this goal that I was going shopping for myself when I got here. And there's an email in my inbox for 30% off everything at Gap today. Clearly, the universe is FORCING me to take some ME TIME today... And to spend said ME TIME shopping :)
SATISFACTION. Do we even know what that is anymore? Would you know what SATISFIED felt like if it bitch-slapped you in the face? I'm starting to doubt that I would.
It's a funny, fickle thing, isn't it? On paper, my life is perfect right now. PER. FECT. (Other than the surgery recovery, of course, but I know that it's a temporary condition). I'm happily married to a guy who still makes me roll my eyes and giggle at him. We have a daughter who makes me realize that 'light of my life' is an actual thing, not just a cliche thing that stupid people say. We live in a great house in the exact neighbourhood where we wanted to live. Geoff loves his job and it's as stable as a job can be. Mine isn't, but I love it to death, and I'm as busy as I'd ever dreamed of being (and working mostly for clients who I genuinely love working with). I have more friends than I can squeeze into a week or a month or a year. I have a family who's got my back - and loves my husband and my daughter *almost* as much as I do. We're busily planning the THREE trips that we're hoping to take yet this year. I've even managed to succeed in my (moderate) weight loss goals for the last six months. It's kind of ridiculous, actually.
My life is currently about as perfect as life can realistically be expected to be. And yet, I feel restless and uncomfortable. And I absolutely hate myself for feeling that. I can feel myself starting to pick away at the seams, just looking for the place that will start to unravel. I'm obsessing over the tiniest things that might possibly hint at imperfection. It's not enough that I love Geoff and that he loves me, I need to freak out over the fact that I don't feel the butterflies that I used to every single time he walks into the room. It's not enough that I love my job and that I'm being well-compensated for my efforts, I have to plan for the worst and worry about whether or not my contract will be renewed next month (and what kind of completely imagined financial catastrophe I feel that will bring). It's not okay that I've lost nearly 20 pounds since last summer, because all I can see when I look in the mirror is the next 20 pounds that are still there.
And NOTHING IS WRONG.
It just goes to show that even when you have it all, you want more. Is it just one of those quirky little truths about being human? Or is that 'yearning for heaven' that Christians *love* to talk about - an inability to be completely satisfied and at home in a world that is fundamentally imperfect? Or maybe it's just a smart girl who is also a chronic over-thinker :)
My dear friend Nicole shared this on her blog last week and it has really stayed with me... Hoping that it's the encouragement that someone out there needs to hear today too.
"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." ~ Author Unknown (to me)
I just had to add a second smile today, because I've experienced a couple of amazing things this morning.
The first is that I stepped onto our scale for today's weekly weigh-in and I'd lost a little bit more - especially noteworthy because for some reason I will never understand, I left the hospital a full eight pounds heavier than when I'd checked in and those eight pounds stuck around for more than a week after I got home. I'm now 0.5 pounds from my goal weight for this round of our Biggest Loser competition, and I still have a couple of weeks to go. And this latest little loss officially put me under a weight barrier that I haven't seen since I was in my second trimester with Briony. YAY ME. This process has been sloooow, but it's amazing to prove to myself that - however long it might take - it is POSSIBLE.
The second thing is that I've been panicking a little bit about how to manage things around here with Geoff returning to work this weekend. I sent out a few emails yesterday, and before I got out of bed to start my day this morning, I'd heard back from every single person I'd approached for help - and every single one of them was totally on board and ready to help. THANK YOU GOD for amazing friends.
Now I'm ending this no good very bad week with a massage appointment. Because I sooo deserve it.
Do you know how much I love Tina Fey? I LOVE TINA FEY. I want to be her when I grow up.
Imagine my delight when she popped up on the cover of Vogue this month. VOGUE. VOGUE!
(Yep, and now the Madonna's playing in my head.)
I felt like it was *score one* for every girl who was just a little too smart in school, for every girl who relies more on her ability to make a joke than her ability to curl her eyelashes perfectly, for every girl who'd rather write the funny lines and have someone else deliver, for every girl who is 'cute in that ___ way' and never ever The Hot One.
Because That Girl is on the cover of Vogue this month.
It kind of makes me feel like the whole world is going to be okay. And yes, I'm aware of all that controversy over the photoshopped scar. And yes, I'm aware that 'photoshopped' is bastardizing the proper use of the Adobe Photoshop brand, but it annoys me to make it a proper noun in print when I'm not really using it in a proper noun kind of way. But in a week where I feel GROSS on top of GROSS for adding surgical scars to my already baby-scarred and flabbed-up abdomen, it's reminding me to let that go and focus on the calls I got to do some incredibly creative and intelligent projects for my clients.
Yeah, it sometimes sucks to be That Girl. But maybe - just maybe - your mom was right, and someday the right people will see that the smart + funny girl is incredibly sexy in her own special quirky little way.
I popped my head into the living room while I was heating up dinner and found Geoff and Briony giggling up a storm. She was in her Jolly Jumper with the lights off, waving a flashlight around and saying 'RAVE!'
I'm missing my sisters today. I would love nothing more than to plan a Girls Night with the three of us next weekend. That is obviously not going to happen... But I still wanted them to know that I wish it could :)
Hey, is it too late to claim that I'm giving up coffee for Lent? ;)
I never do Lent. It wasn't really a part of my childhood religious upbringing, and by the time I became an adult and was more exposed to it, I didn't really get it. I mean, I GET IT, but I think that those same Lenty principles would mean more to me if they were practiced as part of my everyday life. I seriously hate doing something just because someone told me to. That's pretty much the best way to guarantee that I WON'T do it, actually.
If it's something that works for you and has significance in your life, that's awesome. Good for you. Seriously. I just don't see how - for me personally - giving up Facebook or television or chocolate or whatever will bring me closer to God. And God's cool with that. Really. I asked him. Right after I finished yelling at him for doing such a lousy job of taking care of this whole gallbladder situation.
Anyway. I used to work in an office where it seemed like EVERYONE did Lent. I was new, so I told them I was giving up cigarettes. Everyone was so super impressed. (I have never even tried smoking in my life.) And what do you know, I was totally successful! I *may* have also spread a rumour that one of my coworkers - the one I was secretly dating - was trying to give up cocaine for Lent... Yeah. It's a very good thing that I don't work there anymore. (Right, Margaret?) Boredom causes me to do terrible, terrible things.
I'm referring, of course, to my dating decisions. The Lent thing was FUNNY :D
I am so seriously considering a little blogcation just because I feel like - as a reader of a blog - I would be SO ANNOYED to keep coming back just to read a new post bitching about the blogger's life. I'm really not unhappy. We're just having a rough week. And I honestly wish that we had something better to report.
I had a rough night and woke up with more incision pain than I've felt in days. Not sure if it's a result of my check-up yesterday or the one time I caved in and picked up Briony yesterday or if the universe just really hates me that much, but it's super annoying. I also woke up with lots of arthritis and fibro symptoms for the first time since surgery. Awesome that it held off this long. Annoying that it had to happen at all. The drugs are generally working by now, and I'm sipping my TEA (sigh...) while trying to get some work done because I am so seriously and painfully behind in my freelance work. Oh, and I'm also scrambling to fire off some emails to friends who might be able to fill in as a Plan B for this weekend - Geoff is going back to work and my Plan A (heading out to my parents' place for a couple of days) is looking like a bust because my mom's been incredibly sick with strep throat. It's *almost* funny how life can be so unpredictable these days.
Today will hold a few random little rays of sunshine... My friend Melissa is dropping by this afternoon to bring us dinner. And then the client I turned down for a project this week emailed this morning to see if he and their creative director could drop by at the end of the day because they've apparently put together a little get well package for me. How incredibly sweet is that?!
So I'm working overtime to dwell on the positive (and now trying to figure out how to fit in a SHOWER because I was seriously not planning to see any clients today!). Statistically, it's all going to turn around soon... Right?
I have apparently neglected to share the fact that Briony beatboxes. Yes, you read that correctly. She's been doing it for months now and it's HILARIOUS... All thanks to Yo Gabba Gabba, of course :)
My surgeon confirmed today that I'm not going to die in my sleep due to some horrible internal bleeding as a result of a botched surgery (don't laugh, I had a TERRIBLE dream the other night). The surgery went perfectly well and I'm healing perfectly normally, but she said that a very small percentage of her gallbladder patients have a strangely complicated and difficult recovery. I guess I'm just one of the lucky few. It was good to hear it from her, and she wants to see me again on Monday just to check on everything again - but I'm feeling much better about things.
And I'm feeling much better in general. I managed to shower, go to my appointment, go for a very short walk outside, and have Amber over for a quick cup of tea today. Oh, and I ate lunch AND dinner. This was all compliments of SAINT Katie (hehe) who introduced me to Ginger Gravol today. All the awesomeness of gravol + all the awesomeness of concentrated ginger - any hint of drowsiness. It has revolutionized my world.
Sadly, this was a VERY eventful day for me. It also happened to be the first day that I've gone outside in eight days. And the first time in that same time period that I wore a bra (I know you were DYING to know...).
Our walk was to Cornelia Bean to replenish my little tea collection to help get me through my 3+ weeks of no coffee still ahead. I grabbed some more of my favourite loose leaf English Breakfast and a super yummy tea called Madame Butterfly - a combination of green tea and peach. I had to physically stop myself from also grabbing a sexy new teapot they had there. Yes, a teapot. Little known fact, but I could quite easily - and happily - own hundreds of teapots if I had unlimited disposable income + unlimited storage space. I love them. I don't know why. But the point is that I didn't. I have, however, looked it up online and given it some additional thought... Hmmm... See, I don't have a teapot with *exactly* this combination of size + a loose leaf filter. SIGH. I'm trying very hard to justify how this will fit into the spot in our budget that is usually reserved for copious amounts of Starbucks double tall nonfat lattes.
I think that's about all for today. I'm hoping to try to make it to my Moms Group tomorrow - depending on how I feel and thanks to my husband who's offered to play chauffeur because I am nowhere near ready for driving or transporting Briony yet. And then I have a heck of a lot of work to get done for my clients in the next couple of days (even with the 15 hour project I turned down today).
Oh yeah, and that super pesky job of resting and trying to get better ;)
Just wanted to put this out there because I know how many people drop by here every week (thanks, Google Analytics!)...
I have a friend who is currently looking for a job in Winnipeg. His education is in business, and he has almost a decade of solid work experience. He's looking for an office job with room to grow - something potentially connected with marketing, human resources, or business analysis. He has a great resume and I personally think you'd be NUTS not to hire him... But the market is slow and really kind of wicked right now.
I already got him to marry my best friend (hehe), so really what's another little bit of job-related matchmaking? :)
If your company is looking for someone - or you know someone who might be soon - please get in touch and I'll pass along the info. Thanks so much!
I woke up this morning at around 05.30 with a disgusting rumbly feeling in my stomach. A quick glance at the clock confirmed that I was overdue for more meds (including anti-nausea meds) and I quickly squeezed my eyes back shut and tried to remember exactly where my just-in-case pail was located. But as I lay there, I realized that the rumble in my stomach felt DIFFERENT. I tried to place the exact feeling... And then it hit me. I WAS HUNGRY.
I'm still feeling pretty rough, but I choose to see this hungry feeling as a sign that I am going to live after all. I'm sipping some tea now, and considering some toast - but I've been too chicken to try so far. (Mmm... CHICKEN!)
I see my surgeon at noon today to figure out if I'm just having an especially rough recovery or if something has actually gone wrong. I'm not feeling great at all, but I've made enough progress overnight that I'm cautiously optimistic that this might just be a bad recovery. Saint Katie is coming to play with Briony for a while so that Geoff can take me to the appointment. That's the plan anyway. Apparently, Geoff's tiredness (after nine hours of sleep last night + a nap this morning) is currently trumping my four hour night + ABDOMINAL SURGERY. Sorry. Can you tell how ridiculously unimpressed I am right now? I'm taking care of B and trying to get some client work done right now, feeling like total shit. And it sounds like someone is having a pretty awesome nap in the next room. And it's a good thing. Because he's TIRED. And we all know how very rough that can be ;)
I'm hoping and praying that I'm right because I am *so* sick of being sick. I am constantly on the verge of a breakdown every time Briony wants me to pick her up or play on the floor with her. It is such a horrible feeling to not be taking care of your baby or your family (or ME, for that matter).
My silver lining in this whole gallbladder experience has been my surgeon. She is AMAZING. And it was nice to feel so extra-cared for again today when I called her receptionist to see if these new symptoms are something to really be worrying about or not. She spoke with my surgeon and called me back with the news that it sounds like it's *probably* not a big deal, but that they'd like me to come in tomorrow just to be absolutely sure. Then a couple of hours later, my surgeon called just to see how I was doing and reiterate that it's likely just an extra-tough recovery but that - regardless of how I'm feeling tomorrow - she'd like to see me just to be sure. And then she double-checked to make sure that I had her pager information and that I knew to call absolutely anytime if I started to feel any worse.
It's been such a tough week, but it makes all the difference to know that there are such wonderful people taking care of me.
Today's been a series of drug cycles. When everything's working, I have two 'good' hours where I can cuddle with Briony or talk to Geoff but I still feel pretty lousy and have no energy at all. The next two hours while the last round of drugs is wearing off and the news ones aren't quite working yet, I'm too sick to lift my head off the pillow. But with every cycle, I seem to be improving just a little bit. I'm on an upswing now and actually considering some tea and toast... CONSIDERING. We'll see.
The worst news of the day is that my surgeon recommends staying completely off coffee for another three weeks just to be safe. That is the craziest talk I've ever heard, but I'm sick enough to listen.
Consider yourself warned. You may continue reading at your own risk :)
Yesterday brought a HUGE setback in my recovery process, and I am pretty upset about it. I was finally starting to feel more like myself yesterday and actually craved coffee for the first time since surgery (if you know me at all, you know that is HUGE... I pretty much single-handedly keep the entire global Starbucks empire in business). I'm wondering now if that coffee was my undoing or if it was just a coincidence, because I started to feel really awful again last night - and I've been on the couch since 5 pm yesterday, totally sick and in pain again. Like in tears from the pain, curled up in a ball, and struggling to keep down the sip of ginger ale I needed to get some pain and anti-nausea meds into my system. I very nearly made a trip into emerg during the night, but I'm a little better today so I'm trying to just battle it out at home.
This whole gallbladder surgery thing is such an individual experience. I talked to a friend today who had exactly the same experience as I've had after her surgery two years ago - she ended up going back to her surgeon because she was convinced that something had gone wrong in surgery because she still felt so awful even after 2 or 3 weeks. But I've talked with other friends who did much, much better with it - one of them told me that she took a T3 as soon as she got home from the hospital on the day of her surgery and never took another painkiller after that.
I hate that I'm evidently in the category of people who really struggle through the recovery. I hate that I haven't been able to be a mom to Briony for an entire week now. I hate that I haven't been able to work - and I know that tomorrow is the day I need to do some work regardless of how I feel.
I don't think that Briony's base vocabulary grew all that much this week - which is noteworthy, because this kid seems to pick up a new word or two every single day. Last week's additions of 'cheese' and 'awesome' were some of our favourites so far. What she did add, however, were some additional words that have helped form some additional sentences that are (sorry if you have some particularly adorable kids or pets or whatever, but it's true) the CUTEST THING EVER.
She has started saying 'where's the...' and 'it's the...' and 'there's the...' which have opened up a whole new world of chattering in our home. Where previously she would have pointed at a dog outside the window and said 'woof woof' she will now point and say 'it's the woof woof!' Last week, she would have looked at me and asked 'dada?' but today it's 'where's the dada?' Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mom and she must have heard her voice, because a second later she was lunging for the phone and saying 'it's the baba! it's the baba!' (Yeah, apparently my parents have become Papa and Baba. My mom is SO NOT IMPRESSED.)
Anyway. That's what's new here. Other than TEETH, and lots of them. We wrapped up our Month Of Molars here last week and she immediately began work on a couple new incisors or eye teeth or whatever the heck you want to call them. Awesome. FUN TIMES. Say a little extra prayer for Geoff.
The saving grace is that - in between all the teething - we get little moments like this one... Yep. Awesome :)
I'm having one of those days where a Monday Smile has become necessary.
I thought that I missed Briony so much that it would be awesome to have her home again - regardless of the fact that she is hardcore teething and regardless of the fact that I can't really take care of her right now. But hey, Geoff's home! He'll take care of it! And he is. But what I hadn't really factored into the equation is that - as wonderful a daddy as Geoff is (and he is) - there is one thing he just simply and honestly is not: ME. And it's MAKING ME CRAZY. I seriously need to just sedate myself and sew my tongue directly into my teeth. He's doing a great job. And different isn't bad. It's just different. But... AHHH!
Anyway. Here's your smile for this lovely Monday morning (and it is rather lovely): Surviving Church as a Single
So I know that I'm not single anymore. But I was for a while. Long enough that I laughed knowingly at practically every single thing on this list. Why do people say these things?! Because let me tell you, they really, honestly say these things...
Day Four with no gallbladder. Day Four with no baby. What a strange, strange week.
I'm so surprised about how long it's taking for me to feel better, but Geoff is convinced that I'm healing very well and exactly as he'd been expecting (whatever that means). I'm still swallowing handfuls of painkillers and having random naps all day long. I think I look like a crazy old bag lady, shuffling around the house clutching a pillow to my stomach - for some reason, it makes me feel better to have that pressure. It's making Geoff laugh at me almost constantly, though... And any sudden movement hurts like heck - especially coughing or laughing. We tried to watch The Office last night and I screamed my way through most of it, clutching my stomach-pillow and yelling OW OW OW in an effort not to laugh. Which only made Geoff laugh harder because I'm like some psycho fake pregnant lady having contractions. Yeah, hilarious.
The only real action in my day today was that I finally managed to Google the number that's been faxing my phone (and therefore my ear) for the last two days. It was the Province of Manitoba's vehicle registration department. I called and asked them to stop, they apologized profusely, and my day has been SO much happier since then.
Briony is apparently doing much better today, so we're hoping that she'll be able to come home tomorrow. It is absolutely creepy how quiet it is at our house right now. Geoff and I are realizing more than ever that we had next to no time together just the two of us before she arrived - and it's incredibly strange now. Geoff was finally bored enough that he volunteered to go grocery shopping this afternoon :)
It was another rough evening and another rough night here. I am not recovering as quickly or as smoothly as I'd hoped, but I'm definitely making progress every day. Today's my first day without anti-nausea meds and so far so good (knock on wood). My shoulder is feeling much better today too (I know it's a normal reaction to the gasses they pump in for the surgery, but it was seriously feeling like I got shot). So it's my first day where I'm really just dealing with abdominal pain + a bit of a flare-up - it sounds sad, but that's making me pretty happy. I was also pretty excited about Briony coming home tonight. She's been staying with my parents since I had surgery on Tuesday and I MISS HER SO MUCH.
But I talked to my mom this morning, and my little princess woke up at their place this morning with the stomach flu. If you're not a mommy, I don't think it's possible to explain how much this is hurting me... I want her home with me (even though I fully acknowledge that I can't take care of her right now). And it kills me because I never would have asked my parents to deal with something like this. EVER. It's an impossible situation without any good solutions.
So far, it's going okay - I think. I'm not really much of an expert on these things. Honestly, the first day was much more difficult than I had anticipated. Today is probably closer to what I was expecting. Hopefully tomorrow is even better, and I'll be back to normal soon. The one thing I hadn't really counted on was the extreme nausea. I was prepared for pain, but not for that level of queasiness and dizziness and general yuckiness. The drugs are helping - for sure - but it's frustrating to feel like this. I finally kept some food down today, and hopefully that will help to break the cycle of drugs and nausea on an empty stomach. Oh, and I hadn't counted on Geoff coming down the a sinus cold (which is apparently a much bigger deal than my recent abdominal surgery - boys! hehe).
I'm missing Briony like crazy, but I know that she's so much better off with my parents right now. Geoff brought her in to say goodbye at the hospital yesterday, and she was so upset and confused that she couldn't come to me... But I heard her on the phone today and it was very good for my heart.
A great big THANK YOU to everyone who's been praying for us, and to those of you who have helped to make sure that my family is well cared for and well fed. I can definitely feel all the support and it is so very appreciated :)
I cried big, silent alligator tears after I put Briony to bed tonight. I can't believe that I'm not going to see her again until Thursday night... I am *so* grateful that my parents will be providing her with a couple of fun days in the midst of all this chaos we've created in her little world. But my heart hurts knowing that I'll be away from her - and I sense it's worse because it's not for any happy reason. It hurts even more knowing that when she comes home again, I'll be sick and she won't understand. She's just at that really tough in-between age where she's totally aware that things are OFF but she's too little to even attempt to explain it.
I found myself wishing - CRAZILY - that she'd wake up tonight, just once, so I could sneak in one more moment with her. And just a few minutes ago, she started to fuss a little bit. I went upstairs to check on her and replaced her pacifier. She snuggled up to her blanket, smiled at me, and then rolled over with the happiest baby sigh mumbling 'yeah yeah yeah'... I love her so much. Have I mentioned that her new words today were 'cheese' and 'awesome'? :)
It's equally strange and difficult that Geoff is working tonight. By the time he's leaving work tomorrow morning, I'll already be in the OR. Weird.
A million thanks to everyone who sent up prayers for me tonight. I'm feeling surprisingly calm about tomorrow (no alcohol required). I spent the evening with some of my girls watching the finale of The Bachelor and I'm pretty sure that had something to do with it... Thank God for friends.
I'm a nervous patient at the best of times. My hospital charts would tell quite a story already - a story that involves lots of sedatives and one particular incident involving scissors and some other objects being thrown at a doctor (he totally deserved it).
I was doing a pretty good job at maintaining some semblance of zen right up until my pre-op appointment this morning when I met The World's Worst Anesthetist. He's not even the one assigned to my surgery in the morning, but I'm scared to death about what he wrote in my chart today. He basically lead me to believe that: 1. I won't be receiving my special request to have my IV started by my anesthetist instead of some random day surgery nurse (I have terrible veins and the last time I let just anyone try - while in labour with Briony - I ended up with blown veins in BOTH my arms). Not cool. 2. Because of some issues with my jaw (the same TMJ issues I've had for the last ten years and have never complicated anesthesia before), he thinks it might be safest to have me gag down a breathing tube while I'm awake rather than do it after I'm asleep. Are you freaking kidding me?! That sounds like the precise definition of my worst nightmare.
I ended up having a panic attack in his office, tears and hyperventilation and everything. I have since spoken with my surgeon's receptionist, who has assured me that my concerns have been heard and that we will talk about it tomorrow at the hospital and it will all be okay... But I've been on the verge of tears ever since. I already felt like this situation was quite outside of my control. Now it feels like it's gone absolutely wild, and I HATE THAT FEELING.
Have I mentioned that Geoff is getting sick? Of course.
Well, in about 15 hours or so, there will be nothing I can do about it anymore. I just need to survive those 15 hours. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle of wine with my name on it.
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
