Monday, March 01, 2010

Missin' My Baby

I cried big, silent alligator tears after I put Briony to bed tonight. I can't believe that I'm not going to see her again until Thursday night... I am *so* grateful that my parents will be providing her with a couple of fun days in the midst of all this chaos we've created in her little world. But my heart hurts knowing that I'll be away from her - and I sense it's worse because it's not for any happy reason. It hurts even more knowing that when she comes home again, I'll be sick and she won't understand. She's just at that really tough in-between age where she's totally aware that things are OFF but she's too little to even attempt to explain it.

I found myself wishing - CRAZILY - that she'd wake up tonight, just once, so I could sneak in one more moment with her. And just a few minutes ago, she started to fuss a little bit. I went upstairs to check on her and replaced her pacifier. She snuggled up to her blanket, smiled at me, and then rolled over with the happiest baby sigh mumbling 'yeah yeah yeah'... I love her so much. Have I mentioned that her new words today were 'cheese' and 'awesome'? :)

It's equally strange and difficult that Geoff is working tonight. By the time he's leaving work tomorrow morning, I'll already be in the OR. Weird.

A million thanks to everyone who sent up prayers for me tonight. I'm feeling surprisingly calm about tomorrow (no alcohol required). I spent the evening with some of my girls watching the finale of The Bachelor and I'm pretty sure that had something to do with it... Thank God for friends.

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At March 02, 2010 7:29 AM, Blogger Nikki + Shane said...

Thinking of you today Lindsay. Hope all goes well and that recovery is a breeze - at least as breezy as can be expected after you've have major surgery.

At March 02, 2010 12:45 PM, Blogger Playful Peanut said...

Grandparents are the best. My kid didn't want to leave hers after we got back from Mexico. They are WAY more fun than mom.

You take care of you. The rest will work itself out!


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