This song has been rolling around my head today...
It's the first snowfall of the year - the absolute BEST part of living in Winnipeg. It's too beautiful for words.
It's today's news that my grandma is officially cancer-free. (I TOLD you to stop messing with the women in my life, Cancer. They're too strong for you. They will crush you like the snivelling little bitch you are.)
It's Katie being 'home' in Winnipeg again, and listening to Briony giggling her with upstairs. It feels like having part of our family back.
It's spending the week working on a client project that I am completely passionate about - a rare opportunity to actually do something good for the world through advertising.
It's FINALLY feeling like I just might beat this cold that's been hanging on so tightly.
The world just feels so fresh and new... I love it. I can't stop smiling today. I've missed this feeling of HOPE. It feels like the beginning of Christmas :)
And you ask me what I want this year And I try to make this kind and clear Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And designer love and empty things Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words And sing out loud Cause everyone is forgiven now Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need someplace simple where we could live And something only you can give And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive And the one poor child who saved this world And there's 10 million more who probably could If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words And sing out loud Cause everyone is forgiven now Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight And somehow stop this endless fight Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words And sing out loud Cause everyone is forgiven now Cause tonight's the night the world begins again Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
Accompanying my mom + grandma for my grandma's scan (to check and make 100% sure that they killed all the cancer). Spending two and a half uninterrupted hours having coffee with my mom while we waited. And then hosting them at our place for lunch. They are two incredible, cancer-destroying women. I have formidable (and hopefully cancer-free) shoes to fill.
Welcoming the holiday season. Christmas came to Starbucks today, and I had my first Caramel Brule Latte of the season. My new barista friend was seriously thrown for a loop when I failed to order the usual on the first day after we established my usual. I suppose I'm allowed to be wild + crazy in one area of my life, right? :)
Spending the afternoon walking up and down Academy with Libby, shopping as we enjoyed some incredible sunshine and fine company. I even found a new blouse that is a great candidate for work AND a couple of nights out in NYC - and a polka-dot scarf that I'm a little bit in love with.
Opening my 'thank you' package for the creativity class I attempted this fall. I haven't finished yet - I'm doing it at my own pace after all our recent drama + setbacks + general chaos - but these fab prints will find a very special place in our home. Most likely in my office. YAY.
For dinner tonight, we used a gift card to a local Italian restaurant that Aaron + Cait had delivered to us when Geoff had his accident. (Wow, that was an unnecessarily complicated sentence...) We all feasted on calamari + fried parmesan bread + cannelloni + some seriously garlicky linguine that involved asparagus, chicken, and red peppers. DELICIOSO.
Oh, and Briony is now addicted to calamari. 'MORE BABY SQUID. PLEEEEASE?'
I read a book this week that's been on my nightstand for months and months while I've been busy with life and work and everything else. And that's a shame because it was the best book I've read in a long, long time.
Yeah, that's right. I said it. It was THAT GOOD.
If you haven't already, go pick up a copy of Still Alice. It's stunning and beautiful and you're going to think about it for the rest of your life in a way that makes you a better person.
Still Alice is the story of a fifty-year-old Harvard professor who finds herself dealing with a diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. What makes the book very special is that it's written from the Alzheimer victim's perspective, and it's written by a first-time author whose day job as a neuroscientist allows her to tell Alice's story with a depth of understanding and compassion that kind of blew my mind. It made me cry so many times... For Alice and her family. For people like Alice and their families. For the parallels I saw between Alice and my father-in-law. For the parallels I saw between Alice and my mom. And just because I'm a giant suck.
My very favourite photo from our Easter weekend with my parents...
This kid *loves* her grandma (aka 'baba'). They're best buddies, and it makes me so happy to watch them together. When we're not together, I hear Briony asking about her many, many times a day.
The thing that no one warns you about when you're pleading with God for your mom to become a breast cancer survivor instead of another sad statistic is the weight of the emotion you'll feel at every single milestone for the rest of your life (or hers). And sometimes in perfectly ordinary moments.
Today, it was re-watching the video of Briony walking back and forth between us in my parents' living room yesterday. I can't even imagine those moments this weekend without my mom there... I don't want to. If I even think it, my thinking turns to ugly sobbing.
I don't know how my family got so lucky, but I'm grateful for it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Hoping and praying that my grandma will experience 'the good kind' of chemo on Wednesday and Thursday this week... We're told there's a good chance that this will go very well. But no matter what, it's still chemo and it's still cancer - and I think she's a wonderful and brave woman for walking this road.
My grandma is starting chemo this week, exactly two years after my mom's cancer journey began. I'm trying to focus on the idea of Easter - and chemo - representing new life, but I wish for the old days when Easter meant chocolate and a long weekend.
We had our family gathering early today so that we could all spend some time together - and with my grandma - before chemo starts. After dinner, we all gathered as a group and talked about how we were feeling about starting this journey together and we prayed for my grandma and grandpa. It was really nice... But I had to leave for a few minutes close to the end. I'm just so upset that this is happening again (and then I immediately feel awful, because none of this is happening to me). It's not me, but it's been two of the most important women in my life. And it feels SICK that my mom would beat cancer only to have to immediately turn around and walk through it with one of the most important people in her life - which is going to hurt her very badly all over again, just in a different way. I'm not sure that any of us are ready for this. I wish to God that I didn't know what was coming.
And I'm still not really ready to talk about it, other than to say that I may have solved part of the mystery of why I've been feeling so OFF lately... I may just quit my day job and become a detective or something ;)
There's really no sense in beating around the bush. I think I'm now free to share that my family heard The C Word again. It's my Grandma. We're still waiting for details about what's coming - all we know for now is that it's likely treatable, that surgery to remove the tumour was likely successful, and that chemo is likely in her near future. We're still waiting for the final pathology report.
I don't really know what else to say. I sense there's a lot of emotion coming, but for right now I feel pretty numb. It wasn't what we wanted to hear - but I still believe that God is with our family, and I still believe that He is bigger than cancer.
I really like New Years. It might be the geek in me. I just think it's such a healthy process to take time to reflect on the year that's past and set new goals for the next twelve months. This week, I've been doing lots of thinking about the past year. It was an interesting one, that's for sure. Not *quite* as eventful as 2008 - and I'm incredibly grateful for that. But we had so many highlights.
Briony went from being a six week old to being a thirteen-and-a-half month old, and there aren't really words to describe all the changes in her (and in us). It's been a ridiculous adventure, and we're only getting started. I know that we hadn't really planned to be parents quite yet, but I can't imagine what we were waiting for. Briony is the perfect addition to our family and she came at the perfect time. I can't imagine my life right now without her in it.
Geoff and I celebrated our second anniversary on September 30. It's kind of overwhelming to think that we were strangers only a little more than three years ago. Life can change so very quickly, and this was such a good change. Again, I hadn't really planned on getting married as young as I did, but I can't imagine what I was waiting for. I love being married to Geoff, and I love our little family. There's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my life right now.
I finished my mat leave, quit my job, and started a business. None of those things were comfortable for me and all of them pushed me out of my comfort zone. But the reward for that leap of faith has been both immediate and substantial. I have no idea what the coming year will bring, but today I am able to spend the vast majority of my time at home being Briony's mommy and I'm bringing in pretty much exactly what I was making when I worked full time pre-Briony. I'm tired - exhausted some days - but if this isn't living the dream, I'm not really sure what is. And for however long this season of my life lasts, I want to embrace and enjoy every single day.
I turned 28 in July. You can place all your jokes about how I'm such a baby still RIGHT HERE ( ). This is not exactly where I thought I'd be at 28, but my ultimate goal was to be happy. And I am. So let's call it mission accomplished. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm really looking forward to 29 and 30. There is just *so* much good still to come for our little family of three.
It was a tough year for my health, and that's something that I've really been working on. All the work I've done since I was 10 to balance my life needed to be refigured in light of all the changes in our family. I'm slowly figuring out how I can be the person I need and want to be to my friends and family - and still make myself a priority. It's a journey.
We got to spend lots of time with family this year, including a bunch of trips to the west coast to see Geoff's family and our friends there. We were there for the entire month of May, and my mom came to join us and help celebrate my very first official Mothers Day. While she was there, I had maybe the most significant day of my life in 2009: the day we got a phone call to let us know that all her tests came back cancer-free. I have no idea what the future will hold for our family, but it was one of those days that you remember forever. I remember going for a walk that afternoon with my mom, Geoff, and Briony and just being very aware of how significant those memories would be, making note of what the sky looked like and how the sun felt on my face, wishing that it could all somehow be saved and recorded and bottled up forever. It was a very good day, and one that I'll remember always.
I'm more excited about starting a new year than I ever have been before. I know that 2010 will bring lots of changes for us as we continue to figure out all the transitions that we've started in the last year or two. But I've never been more optimistic. Living through a cancer experience in my family and becoming a parent have done so much to change my perspective on what's important and where my treasures lie. The world looks different to me now, and for the first time the idea of change isn't as scary to me... Although seeing that statement in black and white is kind of scaring me right now, as if I just taunted fate... :)
I can't help but focus on all the good things in my life now at Christmas time. It feels like we've come a million miles from last Christmas - a holiday that was celebrated despite a six week old, a major and long-lasting arthritis/fibro flare, and a mom who was still facing two weeks of radiation treatments and another surgery for breast cancer.
I've shed a lot of tears this Christmas over last Christmas.
This year, I'm celebrating with a happy, healthy one year old who brings me so much joy that it overwhelms me sometimes. I can't imagine anything better in life than getting to be her mommy and being on the receiving end of her thousands of noisy kisses.
I'm celebrating with a husband who is able to take all my ups and downs in stride and loves me anyway. He does an incredible job of providing for our little family and taking care of his girls. And he is every bit the wonderful daddy to Briony that I knew he'd be when I met him.
I'm celebrating with my entire family at home for Christmas - including my brother Aaron and sister-in-law Cait who are visiting from Vancouver and my grandma who's home from her second unexpected hospital stay this month. Having everyone home for the holidays is a 'bonus blessing' that I don't take for granted.
Maybe most importantly, I'm celebrating with my parents. These two incredible people have endured some big challenges in the last two years - challenges that could easily have taken down a less stable marriage. I've had the amazing privilege of getting to watch them journey together through the valley and it's made me a better person, a better daughter, and a better wife and mother.
Every Christmas we get to spend with my mom now feels like the best gift we could have ever asked for. It's a Bonus Christmas. And we are so incredibly blessed to be celebrating it this weekend.
But those laws of the universe and equal and opposite reactions apply to the holidays more than any other time. The full measure of our happiness is equal to the depths of grief and sadness experienced by families who haven't been as lucky as mine. Christmas is a terrible, terrible time to be missing someone. So let's all do what we can for these friends today and be their little Christmas miracle. Let's pray for them. Let's pick up the phone. Let's send a quick note. Let's drop off some cookies. Let's just drench them in love - which is the point of this season after all.
I hit a rather unique first-time milestone last week. I cried on the phone with a telemarketer.
She was selling cancer insurance. Yes, CANCER INSURANCE. Basically, her company was betting that - by the ripe young age of 70 - I will have been diagnosed with breast, ovarian, cervical, or one of four other common female cancers. And she was attempting to assure me that - should this happen to me and my family - I'll want CASH.
I don't know why it affected me as much as it did, but I wanted to puke and cry at the same time. I tried to get off the phone politely and told her I wasn't interested. Then I told her again. And then I just broke down into tears and let her know that I couldn't talk about this right now because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Her gasp was audible and she just kept repeating 'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry' - and I almost felt bad for her, because she was just doing her job. But how many households will she call where that is the case?
I can't bet on having cancer. I can't live my life that way. I won't. And if it happens to me, I don't want dirty cancer money. I want the people who love me.
And if that wasn't enough, THEY CALLED BACK. It was a new telemarketer, and she tried to convince me all over again. You'd imagine that tears and then slamming down the phone would have been flagged in their system somehow as a 'do not call back' or SOMETHING.
Ugh. I walked off my anger and shock (turns out I had around 12 km worth of anger and shock in me). I was definitely calmer after that, but whenever I think about it now, I feel like I need a shower.
Okay, so I've been slacking on my blog since we got home a week ago. I have a couple of good excuses if you're interested...
We got home and immediately (less than 24 hours from landing in Winnipeg) left Briony with my parents and had a date night: Pizzeria Gusto - of course - and the Keane concert. Awesomeness. It was such a good show, and it's ALWAYS good food. We tried a new appetizer this time, a grilled octopus, and Geoff convinced me to get out of my rut and try a new pizza. I switched from the Waterloo to the Miki, and now I just might need to alternate. Turns out that CHANGE might not be a total disaster every single time :)
And in the spirit of CHANGE, I tried changing up my coffee at Starbucks last week. It caused all kinds of drama and nervousness here... And Geoff mocked me mercilessly. But guess what? I found something I like *more* than my usual. I am now a Double Tall Nonfat Caramel Macchiato, and I'm pretty okay with that.
My mom turned 50 on Tuesday. We celebrated with a surprise party on Sunday that totally and completely caught her off guard (yay!). It was so much fun to have friends and family celebrate with us. It's hard to describe, but this felt like a 'bonus birthday' that we got to spend with her. I'm still a little bit emotional about it. We are so blessed.
We're gearing up for Run for the Cure in a little over a week and a half. Our team has seventeen members, and we've raised over $1,000 so far. Getting to participate in the run at the MTS Centre on October 4 with thousands of other people who care about finding a cure for breast cancer - and seeing the sea of pink t-shirts representing breast cancer survivors - will be icing on the cake. Can't wait to see my mama walking in her pink t-shirt :)
Briony is *so* mobile now. My baby girl isn't feeling very much like a baby anymore. She's a speedy little crawler, and easily pulling herself up on furniture and starting to creep around. Gaaaaaah. We've been busy reorganizing, installing gates, and just generally trying to stay one step ahead of her since we got back.
I've been flared up since we got home. Nothing very serious, just not feeling 100%. My energy level is in the toilet and I've been fighting off pain and stiffness (and a cold) for 2+ weeks now. Blech. I'm waiting for that morning where I wake up and feel a little bit better than the previous day. No luck so far.
I started a new book club on Monday. We're meeting monthly at Starbucks and reading books that are being turned into movies. The very best part? It's a completely random group of women, and most of them didn't know each other before. Out of the eight of us, I met three brand new people on Monday. I don't know if I'm more excited to get to know a couple of new people or to be reading and discussing books with fellow book nerds. Both are pretty fun.
Em and I are apparently going to Keith Urban this weekend. It was kind of a last-minute decision, but I'm starting to get excited about it. I'm not usually a big country music girl (in fact, I mock people who listen to country music) but he's cute and has a bunch of good songs - and can play guitar like nobody's business. Should be a good show. And a fun Girls Night Out, of course.
We had a big day here on Friday. This is going to sound stupid to almost everyone who doesn't live with chronic illness, but I gave my ten month old a bath totally by myself for the first time ever. Geoff was there just in case, but Briony and I did it by ourselves. On a regular basis, it still needs to be Geoff's job - but I can't explain what it means just to know that I can if I need to. It was like this piece of quintessential mommyness that I just needed to feel. It was awesome. Geoff was getting her into her pyjamas after and I was just sitting there beside them and bawling... It was a Moment, one that I will treasure for a very long time.
I'm working! Still a little bit less than my goal, but I have another month or so to get there - and I'm working every day now. I love it. It's incredibly difficult sometimes with a super-active giggly little monkey child on the go around me, but it's a challenge I'm *so* happy to take on.
School started again this past week. I'm taking a Case Studies course - my second last before I graduate from UVic's public relations program next summer. YAY ME.
That's not everything, but it's a pretty decent snapshot.
Now I really need to get some studying done and get dinner started before the lovely B wakes up from her nap. We're a little bit behind on things because I totally blew off EVERYTHING yesterday in order to play with my tiny gigglepuss, and then we met a bunch of other moms and babies for a walk this morning in the gorgeous September sunshine (and met my mom for lunch). Ah well. Such is life. My life, at least :)
It's been a few months now since my mom's amazing news that her preliminary tests came back cancer-free. I still get choked up every time I pause and let myself think about that day... It was a very good day.
It was the miracle we'd been praying for, but it wasn't miraculous. It wasn't anything like what I imagined our Answer To Prayer would be like. We're still journeying through a place that's sometimes very dark, in the aftermath of an incredibly difficult year. My mom is still experiencing some of the physical symptoms of her treatments and surgeries, and she's still on medication that makes her sick. And I can see the battle scars on other members of our family, who are only now really beginning to go through their own processes of feeling and healing.
It's like the whole world around us wants to celebrate this victory. But it doesn't always feel very victorious. There is no date marked on my calendar as The Day My Mom Didn't Have Cancer Anymore. We're still working our way through.
And there is no way to go back to Before, to bury your head in the sand and pretend that all there is to life is right in front of you. I'm reminded of that every time I see my mom with Briony. Some days, it feels normal and happy and absolutely fine. Other days, it feels like I'm going to explode, I'm so full of emotion - wondering how I could have done this without her or thinking about how this moment would be completely missing from Briony's life if the outcome of surgery and chemo and radiation had been different. Sometimes, watching Briony's face light up when she sees my mom absolutely breaks my heart. Some days, I just need to cry, and I wonder how something that happened eighteen months ago can still feel so raw.
I feel so lucky... And then I feel so guilty. Because I did absolutely nothing to deserve the blessing of being able to spend more time with my mom. And everywhere I look, I'm surrounded by people who weren't as lucky as we were. It makes me want to simultaneously dance and puke. (Now there's a pretty picture.)
It turns out that I know how to be the daughter of a breast cancer patient. I have absolutely no idea how to be the daughter of a breast cancer survivor. But I'm learning.
1. Click to donate to a participant, and support me or my mom (or another member of our team).
OR
2. Register to participate on October 4. You're committing to either paying a small registration fee OR fundraising $150 (it's not that hard) and joining us at the MTS Centre to walk either 1K or 5K (it's *really* not that hard - people, I did the 5K when I was 8 months pregnant). Be sure to sign up under team REMISSION ACCOMPLISHED so you get all the news and details.
There you go... Not so hard, is it? And a pretty nice way to feel like you've done something noteworthy with your Wednesday morning. Because you did :)
I'm really excited about being Team Captain again this year. Last October, we participated in honour of my mom, who was too sick from chemo to be able to come. This year, we're praying that she'll be strong enough to be there and witness this amazing event. I don't really have words for what it feels like to be in the presence of so many breast cancer survivors, and to feel like you're actually DOING something to help support research so that other families don't have to go through the same kind of year we just did (and we were one of the lucky families).
I know that I've been a little bit missing in action lately. Okay, maybe a lot. And I'm finding it incredibly difficult to explain my absence - or to explain exactly where I've been.
Literally, Geoff and I packed up Briony and spent a few days this week at the lake. It was awesome. I actually get a little emotional when I think about it, because this simple three-day trip to the lake was a little bit of an experiment to me. So much of my mom's cancer journey happened at Falcon Lake last summer, and there are so many memories of her being sick there. I needed to go and find out - before the summer started - if it could still be a happy place for me. It was. It felt really, really good to be there. And I came home with a little piece of that feeling tucked safely away in my soul.
More honestly, though, I feel like I'm processing a heck of a lot right now. And there's a lot of other stuff going on.
I'm feeling a lot of post-cancer stuff right now, which makes me realize again how strong my mom is. If her cancer journey has affected me so profoundly, I can't even begin to pretend to understand how it's changed her. In lots of ways, it feels like the entire world is expecting us to all just go back to normal now that her mammogram came back clear. But nothing is ever going to be normal to me again. And I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I just don't really feel like a lot of people understand that.
I'm continuing to clean out my house, getting ready for a big yard sale later this month. It feels so good to be getting rid of all this stuff that's been cluttering up our home. It makes me really happy. Other than the ginormous piles of yard sale boxes that are sitting in our dining room, in Briony's closet, and in the basement. This yard sale seriously needs to happen SOON.
I'm still figuring out who I am without my job (and with a baby). I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how I've been feeling as I weigh the pros and cons of returning to my career once my mat leave ends in the fall. I have never felt so completely torn, and they are two fundamentally opposite directions. I am confident that I will make the right decisions. I am also confident that this is *not* the place to be airing that entire decision-making process until my decisions have all been made and the appropriate arrangements have been finalized.
Oh, and I'm up to my eyeballs in event planning - specifically, there are a lot of weddings going on around here. In addition to helping Aaron & Caitlin with their wedding in July, I've been hired to coordinate the rehearsal and ceremony (and do a little bit of consulting) for a couple I know in early August, and I'm playing wedding planner for another friend later in the summer. I have meetings here for all three weddings on different days this week - plus I'm trying to find some time to help plan our upcoming ten year high school reunion. What's most surprising to me (other than the fact that I haven't been called about a single freelance writing job all summer, but my phone seems to be ringing off the hook for event planning gigs) is that I'm actually really enjoying it. Event planning was never my favourite thing at work, and I've always mocked wedding planners... But I'm having a lot of fun. Plus, getting hired as a rehearsal and ceremony coordinator literally means that I'm getting paid to boss people around :)
And then, of course, there's my health. I'm still searching for that balance... I went to see my herbalist last week, and I feel like that was a HUGE step in the right direction. And I had my ultrasound this morning to make sure that my weird abdominal episode from last month isn't anything super-serious. The only thing with a track record of helping is being really strict with my eating and taking supplements to help my body function better. So we'll see. I'm determined to enjoy the summer anyway.
In the middle of all of this, we seem to have conquered a yucky baby constipation challenge (can you believe that I just blogged about poop? yeah, me neither). And then we decided to start Briony on cereal. She's doing *so* well with it, and you can just see the glow on her face - so proud to be eating like a big girl. She also started dancing... I can't really describe it, so I should probably try to catch her on video. She kind of just wiggles her head from side to side with a huge goofy grin on her face. It's so ridiculously cute.
Lots more, but those are the big things that are keeping me busy. Sadly, not a lot of friend time right now - but I'm hoping that will change as soon as summer gets here. I know that I have a challenging week coming up with Geoff working five twelve-hour shifts in six days... I'd appreciate a few happy thoughts sent in this general direction :)
I'm not dead. Just having some technical difficulties that have hopefully now been solved. It was a classic combination of Marilyn's computer finally giving up the ghost while she was away (no big surprise, just not fantastic timing) + issues with MTS and my Blackberry here (imagine that). But my Blackberry data started working again. And Geoff and I helped Marilyn purchase and set up a brand new computer last night. And here I am, to catch you up on everything you've missed.
Um, let's see. What have you missed? Well, in no particular order...
Geoff, Briony, and I have been adventuring in and around Abbotsford for the last ten days since we last posted an update. Our adventures have taken us on lots and lots of walks - around town, around parks, around lakes, around malls, and all over the lower mainland. A few of these adventures have accompanying pictures. A few of them don't. A few of them involved rain. A few of them didn't. All of them involved Briony's pink adventure hat and a stuffed animal friend or two.
My mom came for a six-day visit - an almost spontaneous decision made after we were already here that just kind of seemed meant to be. She came along on a few of our adventures and I had the total pleasure of introducing her to the other half of our life out here.
While my mom was here, we received a message from my dad that he had heard the results of the mammogram she had just before she hopped on the plane. It's all clear. I can't really explain what that day was like for us here when we found out... Or rather, I can, but it's still emotional for me to talk about. It was a very, very happy day. But 'happy' isn't quite the right word for it - it was happy, but even more so, it was hopeful. It's like we have permission to think about the future again, and it just kind of takes your breath away to open up the world like that again for our family. It was a day full of moments that just looked a little bit different in the light of our wonderful news. Happy moments. Hopeful moments.
I had my first official Mother's Day. We kept things low-key - Geoff and my mom each bought me a card, we went out for brunch together with Briony, and we walked around the park. It was a very good day. And it was very special to get to spend it with my mom.
We went on a MASSIVE shopping spree at Ikea to buy the big group gift for Aaron & Caitlin's upcoming wedding shower. Fun. Then we had to figure out how to pack everything so that we can fly home with it safely and economically. Not as fun. But between Geoff (a master packer), my mom (a master organizer), and me (a master bossy chick), it was no problem at all. I'm getting super excited to get home and wrap it all. I *heart* wrapping presents. And there are lots and lots of them to wrap before the shower. I seriously can't wait to see Aaron & Cait's faces when they see all this awesome stuff!
Marilyn came back from her trip, after spending an awesome two weeks reconnecting with her family and friends in Pennsylvania and Delaware. Even better, she came back with some fantastic stories about various Republican encounters. And no swine flu :)
Briony is still doing really, really well with the time change, the change in location, and our busy schedule. She's still rolling around like a pro and doing really well learning to sit up on her own. And she's still having these big crazy giggle fits when she gets overtired. It's so adorable, it's hard not to keep her awake. Have I mentioned that she's going to be SIX MONTHS OLD this Saturday?! Ridiculous.
My new class started on Monday, and I'm working to get in the groove of this new class with a new instructor. So far, I'm really enjoying it. I decided last week to keep one class and drop the other one I'd planned to take this semester. It will take me a few extra months to graduate, but I'd rather not feel stressed about the extra homework and reading that would be required to take two classes at the same time. I'm feeling really good about that decision, and Geoff was very supportive.
I stayed up WAY too late last night to watch the finale of The Biggest Loser - three hours long + time change + BC time delay meant that it wasn't over until 11 pm (which feels like 1 am to us here). And out of the three finalists, the one I was least excited about ended up winning. But it was still awesome, and totally worth it. Now I need to dig deep and find some motivation to really start on some weight loss of my own. If these people could lose more than 50% of their body weight in six months, I can certainly take off the extra twenty or thirty (read: forty or fifty) pounds that I'm dragging around with me right now. But food tastes good. And playing with Briony is *so* much more fun than working out. We're working on it :)
We're also working our way through all the different scenarios of what this fall might look like for our little family - my return to work, our tentative vacation plans for September, and all kinds of drama and variables. It's been nice to have the time and space for Geoff and I to really talk about it all. No big decisions yet, but we still have lots of time to figure it all out.
Geoff has decided that my mom and I are the Gilmore Girls. I was offended. He accused us of talking nonstop and very fast, and of having conversations that consist entirely of half-sentences (because we already know what the other one was about the say and it can just go unsaid). I started paying attention. And he's totally right. My apologies to everyone else who has to hang out with us from time to time. But you should probably just learn to deal with it. (See above note, where I explain that my mom is now cancer-free, and is likely to be hanging out with me for a very, very long time. SMILE.)
Yesterday was Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, which got me thinking about lots and lots of things... And we're getting very close to having all kinds of news to share about our team for Run for the Cure this year... Hopefully, I'll manage to find a few minutes to write a few more posts over the next week or so.
I'm missing tons and tons of stuff here, but you get the general idea. We're healthy and happy and relaxed. This is a second home to us, and it's been amazing to have an entire month here this time. Tomorrow morning, we're heading off to Victoria with Rob & Vicky & Ava to spend a few days on a mini-vacation. Which means that I have lots to do tonight - laundry, packing, homework (read: blogging, watching America's Next Top Model, eating ice cream). Yeah.
On that note, I'm going to go try to upload a few trip photos :)
I'm not really sure what to say about your 52nd birthday yesterday... We threw you a little party, knowing full well that it was completely inadequate.
Throughout this past year, you have defined the role of Best Husband, Best Dad, and Best Grandpa - for this and all future generations. It sounds dramatic, and I know that you'd shrug it off. But it's true. Mom has been battling breast cancer for over a year now, and you did not miss a single test, consultation, chemo treatment, radiation appointment, surgery... You completely rearranged your life to support your family. You've been a rock for Mom, and for our entire family. I don't think you'll ever know how much that has meant to me. Just knowing that you were taking care of her like that kept me and my baby healthy as I learned to be The Daughter Of A Woman With Breast Cancer and an Expectant New Mother at the same time.
I don't know how to thank you (which is probably why I found myself bawling in the card aisle the other day, frustrated with Hallmark's inability to say what I knew I couldn't just yet). I just love and respect you. A lot. And we can leave it there.
Yeah, so I've been in a total funk for the last week. I'm totally edgy and I'm not sleeping well and I know that I'm snapping too easily. I don't know why my mom's *final* surgery is stressing me out so much, but it is - and I'm not the only one. Please send lots of positive energy our way tomorrow.
UPDATE FEB 04.09 @ 15.30: My mom is back at home, and it sounds like everything went well. I'm still really weepy, though. So strange. I haven't had much time to dwell on it, because Briony picked today (of course) to be fussier than usual. Maybe that's a blessing :)
My mom finished radiation yesterday. I cried off and on all day - happy tears, for a change. This is truly the beginning of the end. For the first time, my mom can HEAL (and not just heal enough for them to hit her with the next round of not-fun treatments). She still has lots and lots of healing to do - and a surgery scheduled for February 4 - but today was big and important.
My cousin Shelly made my mom, Briony, and Chloe matching hats for when they were presumably all bald... And then Chloe was born with a full head of hair. Anyway. We decided to take the picture of the three of them on this most auspicious occasion: just an hour after my mom finished radiation.
I've been doing a lot of reflecting this week. I'm not quite ready to share it all just yet. Let's just say that 2008 was one heck of a year... My family had desperately wished for my mom's breast cancer treatments to be over by the end of the year. That's not happening. But we're *so* close - and 2009 will be a year of healing and new beginnings as we watch my mom get better and experience Briony's first year. A year full of hope and joy, more happy tears than sad. I'm so ready to get it started.
I've posted this song before, but I'm sharing it one more time - because I'm making it my official 2009 theme song.
BRING IT ON Lenny Kravitz
I'm gonna walk my faith Gonna raise my sword I'm gonna fight my battle Gonna praise my lord
It's getting heavy But I'm ready To take on this world and rock steady So come on, bring it on
I'm gonna face my demons Gonna take them down I'm gonna keep on moving Gonna make my sound
It's getting heavy But I'm ready To take on this world and rock steady So come on, bring it on Bring it on
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
