Choosing Today
So today should have been a terrible day.
Well, it's true. Yesterday was one of those days that was nonstop starting at 7 am and ending... I don't even know when. Late. I don't think I sat down once until well after 8 pm - and my day included a bunch of errands and a 90 minute walking tour during a client meeting.
So BIG FREAKING SURPRISE, I woke up in a ridiculous amount of pain this morning. Geoff was long gone to work already and I lay in bed, assessing the situation and listening to Briony waking up, when I realized that I had a choice to make. And I made it. I got Briony out of her crib, went downstairs, and made an awesome pancake breakfast for us which we ate giggling in our pyjamas.
We were still in pyjamas (and had coloured about a hundred pictures) when Emily arrived two hours later, but we quickly made ourselves a little more presentable and the three of us set off for the playground via Starbucks. Briony had some lunch at home and then went down for a nap while Paul played Sushi Delivery Boy and joined Emily + I for lunch.
After they left, I managed to have a shower and get dinner into the slow cooker before Briony's nap ended. And then after dinner, we were colouring again when Christine, Amber, and Dolly showed up for girls night here. While we all caught up on each other's lives - and in between Briony treating us to various renditions of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' - they even managed to help me get the kitchen cleaned up and a cake baked to take to the lake tomorrow.
I'm still tired. I'm still in lots and lots of pain. But I am so very glad that I made the choice that I did this morning. Today could have turned out very differently. I would have ended up tired and in pain anyway, but I would have missed all the good.
Labels: Amber, Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Briony, Christine, Dolly, Emily, Mommy Stuff, My Friends, My Life
Dancing With Myself
So today got off to kind of a rough start. Apparently, my brain is taking an *extra* long weekend because I completely forgot that I'd promised to meet a client first thing this morning. Not the biggest deal ever - we easily rescheduled - but it's still embarrassing, and a brutal start to a Tuesday that feels suspiciously like a Monday.
My cure is the Glee soundtrack. Nothing makes a person happier faster than a Glee cover of 'Bust a Move' - and that's a scientific fact. There's a little bit of secret desk dancing going on here right now... And I'm seriously missing my old work buddies Christine + Dolly, because I know that if they were here and I pulled out my headphones, they'd be dancing along with me. This is not really that kind of office... :)
Labels: Back to Work, Christine, Cocoon, Dolly, Music, My Friends, The Cocoonettes
The Day of Tiny Miracles
Today was kind of extraordinary, in that super special ordinary way. You know what I'm talking about. It was one of those days where it felt like the whole universe was conspiring to just kind of lighten my load a little bit.
Geoff forfeited sleep after a night shift to let me sleep an extra two hours this morning.
My clients were surprisingly non-needy today.
I got THREE amazing leads for casual childcare this year, all in the last 24 hours.
I found the boots I'd been coveting last winter on sale for 60% off - IN MY SIZE.
The upcoming scary day in Geoff's schedule that I'd been panicking the most over in terms of not having any help with Briony (and me needing to work) got covered today.
Briony went to sleep easily tonight. THANK YOU, GOD.
Josy was here and cleaned my house today. I still have a hundred things I feel like I need to take care of, but just knowing that my floors are all clean and my bathtub has been scrubbed is kind of incredible.
I found some new glasses frames that I like, and I'm ordering them tomorrow. WOOHOO!
I got to sneak in an hour with friends who I love - not nearly long enough, but enough. I don't think they have any idea how much it helped me for them to just spend some time loving my daughter (and helping me load up my car after).
A client who's behind on payments finally touched base with me today and is taking care of things.
I had a TWO Pumpkin Spice Latte day today.
Oh, and Katie's back in Manitoba again! YAY!
It was a remarkable day, but I didn't know that it was going to be while I was living it. In fact, today also contained some terribly low points - including my attempt to give Briony a bath by myself for the first time in months. Let's just say that there are compelling physical reasons why I don't usually handle bath duty. And I'm not likely to try again for a very long time. I ended up crying on the bathroom floor.
As I write this, I'm fighting pain along with waves of nausea and a little bit of a fever. Healthwise, today was incredibly difficult. Making it until my appointment in October is going to be really, really hard. But it's these little moments and random pockets of joy that make me believe that we can do it.
Labels: Amber, Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Briony, Christine, Dolly, Going Rogue, Katie, My Friends, Random Joy, The Boy
A Little Bit Broken
Today is shaping up to be an imperfect trifecta of epic proportions: an epic level of stress, an epic level of pain, and an epic level of fatigue. I'm working very hard to remember that how I feel and respond to this is ALWAYS my choice.
I'm also working very hard not to *choose* to yell at people and kick them :)
I know I've been quiet lately - both on my blog and in my life. I'm not entirely sure why, but I've just been feeling a little more introverted than usual these days. I'm not hiding, but I think that part of me just doesn't want to subject other people to this.
This flare is exhausting me, and October's specialist appointment still feels awfully far away. I feel like I'm just barely managing to survive each day, and completely incapable of accomplishing anything more than that day's minimum. If you know me, you know that I HATE THAT.
It's wearing me down. But as I told Emily yesterday, even with these challenges (and they are seriously challenging me right now), my life is still full of every component of happiness. Whether I gather all those components together and choose to make it a happy life is my decision. And I do choose that. I'm just needing to redefine what a happy life looks like when I'm sick. And that process has been intensely personal - full of tears and frustration and a little bit of a broken heart.
But you know what helps me feel a little less broken? Going to see 'Eat Pray Love' last night with a couple of dear friends who've also read the book, and having a nerdalicious book vs movie discussion at Starbucks after. A husband who went to the theatre earlier in the day to pick up tickets so that I didn't need to wait in line. Putting together my old travel information to help Katie plan a trip to London. A surprise knock on my door from Christine, bearing flowers and a card and a hug just to let me know that she cares about what I'm going through.
I'll make it through simply because I'm not doing this alone. And because I'm so determined to do SO MUCH MORE than just survive this.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Christine, Emily, Katie, My Friends, Nicole, The Boy
Covered in Love
Okay, WOW. I don't even know where to start. Today has been a little bit overwhelming, in the best possible way. I've been crying on and off since I woke up, I think.
Briony did a really good job this morning. I talked with someone at the gate right away and let them know that I was disabled and traveling alone with a toddler. And they were fantastic - someone from WestJet helped carry the stroller to the door of the plane and took my carry-on bag all the way to our seat.
Briony wasn't exactly thrilled about needing to stay within two square feet for almost three hours (and who can blame her... I hate it too!), but she did a good job. We had a separate seat available for her, which was great - but the woman in the third seat over did NOT like kids. She was kind of mean, actually - and I'm sure she got off that plane, stomped over to the WestJet desk, and complained about the child on her flight. But the parents in the row behind us (who were traveling without their kids) played peekaboo with Briony during the flight and commented at the end that she'd been incredibly well-behaved, better than their kids had ever been.
The toughest part was around 45-60 minutes before landing. She was starting to fuss and cry and escalate, and I sent up a quick and desperate prayer... Within seconds, Briony curled up on my lap, leaned her head against my chest, and quietly watched the television screen until we landed. THANK YOU, GOD. I love that we have a God who cares about little things like cranky toddlers and parking spaces :)
In Winnipeg, one of the WestJet people actually stepped up and volunteered to hold Briony while I set up the stroller - and to my surprise, Briony took to her immediately and was giggling and asking her about her nametag. Also to my surprise, she didn't fuss at all about being put into her stroller. And when the elevator doors opened, Geoff was standing two feet away waiting for us (with a Starbucks in hand for me... how did he know?! hehe).
Briony was *so* happy to see her Dada, and thrilled to run around our house checking out all her toys and her room again.
Today has just felt like one big, long hug - from all of Marilyn's help to get us to the airport this morning, to Geoff's smile when we stepped off the elevator at the airport, to shampooed and steam cleaned carpets + totally cleaned out flower beds with new flowers planted all around the house (I'll say it again: I have the best friends in the entire world), to the flowers and groceries that Geoff picked up, to an inbox full of emails and texts from people who were praying for our flight this morning.
I'm feeling head to toe covered in love :)
Labels: Amber, Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Christine, Family, Going Coastal, My Friends, The Boy, Travel
Full of Love
Today was kind of incredible. I'm still making slow and steady progress - I'd say my pain has now been cut in half from when I started on my meds again, though I'm dealing with some pretty frustrating side effects. What made my day incredible was the support I felt from so many people. Geoff had to work today, but my friend Kathy came and spent the day with Briony + I. Then my friend Christine came and took the evening shift. During the day, yet another friend emailed to see if she could drop off any groceries for us. And I've had *so* many encouraging messages hit my inbox. There is no way we could be doing this on our own. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to feel this level of love and support from our friends.
Now I'm getting ready for an extra-long weekend at the lake - four days beginning tomorrow. Four days set aside to heal my body and celebrate my birthday with the people in this world who are most important to me.
This Monday, I am having my last birthday ever (the last one I'll ever admit to, anyway). Turning 29 feels strange, but only because it's the last birthday before I turn 30. And 30 scares me, but not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually really excited to begin my 30s... But the year I'm 30 will also be the year I 'celebrate' 20 years of living with a chronic illness. Crazy, isn't it? There are *so* many emotions attached to that, and even more given the events of this past week. We're toying with the idea of doing something BIG to ensure that it's a true celebration, because there really is *so* much to celebrate in my life... You'll be hearing more about this as the time approaches, I'm sure.
In some ways, it's scary to celebrate a birthday in the middle of this mess. It kind of makes me wonder what we're in for this year. In other ways, it's okay because - no matter what happens - my life is so very full of love. And really, what more can a girl ask for?
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Christine, Emily, Kathy, My Friends, My Life, The Lake
One Moment With Briony
You know you've been spending lots of time enjoying the warm weather and sunshine when...
This week, Briony started grabbing her jacket and bringing it to whichever adult is closest to her, saying 'OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE!'
On Monday, we walked to the park with my parents and they had their first Briony swing experience. She did not disappoint. From the first push, it was nonstop shrieks and giggles. We haven't done the swings since then, but we've been going for some pretty serious walks almost every day for the last week or so. I guess she likes it! Which is a good thing, because so does her mama.
I'm not sure how to break it to her that it's COLD out there today... Or maybe we'll just bundle up and make the most of it :)
-
I almost forgot that we had Girls Night here on Tuesday. Amber came over after work to help me with Briony (Geoff was working) and we had a great time having dinner, hanging out, and putting Briony to bed. We knew it was getting awfully close to bedtime when Briony started to show Amber how she's learned to turn our living room lamp on and off... And this was apparently *so* hilarious that Briony would literally fall over giggling. I still giggle when I think about it. Briony has the best giggle - she giggles like she means it :)
Christine and Dolly joined us later and it was just a good evening of nonstop talking and friends. Love it. Evenings like that are so very good for my heart.
Labels: Amber, Briony, Christine, Dolly, Family, One Moment With Briony
Belated Friday Smile(s)
Argh.
I was fully intending to SKIP this week's Friday Smile - simply because yesterday was STRESSFUL and I did not feel like smiling. But then Amber posted one and I feel peer pressured into coming up with something HAPPY now.
Argh.
I'm being slightly dramatic. I already have a bunch of smiles in mind. Even the most stressful days always have room for smiles :)
1. Watching Briony get reacquainted with her toys yesterday and today. There were SO MANY hugs and snuggles to go around. I love watching her with her toys - and with her stuffed animals in particular - because she is just *so* friendly. She crawls around to each one, picks them up, talks to them, and then tackles them with the biggest hugs in the world. I know I'm biased, but I'm pretty sure it's the cutest thing EVER.
2. No trip to Vancouver is complete without a trip to Ikea (it's totally going to be less awesome once we have Ikea in Winnipeg). And I've had so much fun unpacking our little treasures and finding homes for them in our home. My very best find?
This gravy boat, which is totally the sexiest gravy boat in the world. That's right, I said it. I don't have one, but I find myself wanting/needing one at least once a month. And my kitchen is so small that I'm pretty picky about what is allowed in - so it couldn't just be any old gravy boat. Not only is this one sexy as hell, it's also covered and double-walled. Beautiful AND functional. What more could a girl ask for? (Other than having enough of a life that she doesn't actually blog an entire paragraph about a gravy boat...)
3. Bonus friends. I got home after spending the evening with Amber and Christine and I kept thinking about how very unexpected these girls were in my life. I used to work with Christine, and I used to work with Amber's boyfriend. And somehow, they have become incredibly important people in my life - the kinds of friends who will drop everything to help each other out. I love that. It makes my heart so happy.
4. My parents are walking around on the beach right now, enjoying warm weather and palm trees and snorkeling for the very first time. I am so very happy for them. I can't think of two people who deserve it more, and I smile every time I think about them having this time to relax. As for everyone else with a warm-weather vacation planned for this winter - I am not happy for you, not one bit :)
5. God has been blessing my socks off this month and giving me so much hope for this little business of mine. I signed a new client earlier this month that far exceeded any expectations or aspirations I had for my freelance career (and truth be told, is cooler than any client I thought I'd ever work with in the agency world either). And I have - count 'em - TWO meetings booked for Monday about two more exciting opportunities. And two other projects that I'm quoting on today. I feel *slightly* overwhelmed, but incredibly fulfilled. This whole full-time mom plus working from home situation is TOUGH. Really tough, actually. But I would not trade it for the world.
Labels: Amber, Briony, Christine, Family, Friday Smile, Going Rogue, House Stuff, My Friends
What A Way To End A Week
I'm drinking tea and invoicing, my responsible but seriously DULL afternoon activity every other Friday. Not my favourite thing to do because of all the math involved, but something I do anyway because emailing out invoices = getting paid soon. And it was a solid two-week period for my little freelance writing business. YAY.
Went to yoga this morning. A 09.30-10.30 yoga class is pretty much the perfect way to kick of a Friday as far as I'm concerned. Awesomeness. I don't know why I waited this long to start going again. I am really, really liking this new instructor. And I switched from my former yoga studio which means (a) it's significantly cheaper, and (b) I can walk to class. Cool.
Geoff, Briony, and I hit up a dollar store to finish off our
Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes today and followed it up with lunch at Nikos. How can I *not* be happy?
Well, I have one reason: I totally broke even on weight loss this week. Nothing lost. (But nothing gained, either). Ordinarily, it wouldn't bother me this much except that I checked on Wednesday and I was down three whole pounds. I blame last night's celebration of Christine's birthday - and Dolly's calorie-laden attempt at making some sort of whipped cream-inspired substance :)
I'm over it.
Still on the agenda for tonight:
- Ordering our next book club selection!
- Family pumpkin carving!
- Last night's episode of The Office!
- Bubble bath for Lindsay!
- More Christmas shopping brainstorming!
Oh, and finishing these darn invoices.
Labels: Amber, Book Club, Briony, Christine, Christmas, Dolly, Going Rogue, My Life, The Boy, Yoga
Happy Birthday, Amber!
Okay, so it's not *actually* Amber's birthday until Saturday. But we celebrated early at Girls Night last night :)
Labels: Amber, Briony, Christine, Dolly, Photos, The Cocoonettes
Gold Star for Lindsay
I just got my third individual assignment back for the course I'm taking... And it's the highest mark yet! The instructor had nothing but great things to say about my paper. Just one left before the end of the course, but I'm feeling *much* more confident than when I started.
It's important to note that I am literally giving myself a gold star for this one. My mom gave me two sheets of shiny little gold star stickers the last time I saw her. I love my mom.
It's also important to note that the whole 'gold star' thing totally made me think of Christine and Dolly... Back when the three of us worked together, we were feeling very unappreciated at work - and so Christine bought a huge pile of stickers, and we would present them to each other whenever we saw someone doing great work or needing some encouragement. No one gives me stickers at home... But now I have gold stars! And you can bet that I'll be using them, hehe :)
Amazing how humans thrive on that kind of affirmation. I've noticed that I do that for Briony. When she rolls over or tries something new, I'll clap and cheer for her, and her little face just lights up the entire room. She's *so* proud of herself. At four months old. No wonder we all have just a tiny little bit of a complex by the time we're adults.
Labels: Back to School, Briony, Christine, Cocoon, Dolly, Family, The Cocoonettes
I'm Baaaack
So yes. It's (mostly) all gone, as of this afternoon. And so far, I'm really happy with my decision - and with Kevyn. Gotta love a hairdresser who just kind of does his thing and comes up with the haircut you didn't know you wanted. It feels so much more like Lindsay hair again.
I'm crossing my fingers that this will make it easier - not harder or more time-consuming - to deal with my hair every day. In any case... The near-constant ponytail HAD TO GO.
Today actually turned into a mostly-accidental Mommy Day. Geoff was off, and I managed to get in on a cancellation with Melissa (my favourite wax goddess at Tiber River) this morning, visited with Darcie (nail goddess extraordinaire) after my appointment with Melissa, met Christine for lunch at the mall, then got to have my hair appointment this afternoon.
I missed my boy and my baby, but it was really nice to get out for a little bit. And I'm woman enough to admit that I didn't quite manage to make it a baby-free day... I totally stopped in at home in between my appointment this morning and lunch with Christine to see Geoff and Briony for half an hour.
(Please forgive the makeup-less self portrait. I was busy this evening.)
Labels: Briony, Christine, Mommy Stuff, The Boy, Tiber River
Tea Party
Briony and I had our first tea party today - and invited all the Cocoon girls to join us. We had a *lovely* afternoon, and my baby girl charmed all our guests with her cuddliness and big gummy smiles :)
I'm not sure, but this *may* be the only picture of Dolly holding a baby. EVER. But she's been bonding with Briony since she was a fetus (hehe).
Briony was full of giggles and smiles for 'Auntie' Amber, who was more than willing to play with her.
I'm still kind of a little bit in shock that Christine held a baby - more than once! Briony's pretty hard to resist :)
This baby is all tea-partied out...
(Briony, not me - although I look pretty tired too :)
Labels: Amber, Briony, Christine, Cocoon, Dolly, Photos, The Cocoonettes
