Okay, so here's something I'm really happy and excited about: prenatal yoga!
The only thing is that I'm having a heck of a time actually getting on a class list, because everything is so booked up (guess it really is true that everyone is having a baby this year).
Anyway. I'm on a few waiting lists. And I just got an email from one studio that is *thinking* about adding an additional class this spring, so fingers crossed... Before you know it, I'll be super fat and super bendy :)
So I feel like crap. I've pretty much given up on faking otherwise. I was SO determined to be one of those people who just happens to be pregnant and sails through nine months all glowy and fabulous. But the reality is that I'm sick of not sleeping. I'm sick of not taking meds for this sinus cold and chronic headache I've had since Wednesday. I'm sick of being this psycho drama queen, so emotional that I'm actually irritating myself. And I'm sick of constantly questioning whether or not I need to make a run for the bathroom because of this stupid morning sickness (or 'progesterone poisoning' - thanks for the book, KA).
All this, and I'm barely even showing. I'm embarking on my measly 10th week. I have all my eggs in the 'your second trimester will be a breeze!' basket right now :)
So I worked from home on Thursday and Friday, and my parents came over for tea on Friday evening. The whole cold/flu thing happened on Wednesday, then on Thursday night I had the delightful experience of having a migraine - with no baby-friendly migraine drugs. Shudder. On Saturday, I ventured out for groceries - then returned home to take a nap. Emily came around 9 pm, and contributed to my only significant adventure of the weekend: driving her to the airport at 4 am (not a big deal, because I was up trying not to puke anyway - and we live less than 10 minutes from the airport). Then on Sunday, I spent the afternoon in Niverville and returned home to watch tv on my couch. All evening. In sweats.
Poor Geoff. I'm sure he wonders what happened to his lovely wife... Yesterday was our six-month anniversary. Honeymoon's over, babe :)
I got this in my DailyCandy email this morning, and I HAD to post it. It's the funniest thing ever :)
You’ve been dancing in front of your mirror for years, and all you’ve ever gotten for it was a weird look from your roommate.
You could turn those moves into cold hard cash in the JockeyUnderWars tournament.
Slip on your favorite bikini briefs and film yourself getting your groove on. The winner gets 25,000 smackeroos. (Yup, the big bucks.) Nab the prize by receiving the most viewer votes.
You can create a profile where people can post comments (“Nice spins, hottie!”). Think you have what it takes to be an UnderWarrior? Challenge another contestant to an UnderWar dance off — winner takes all (meaning bragging rights).
What’s more: The first 50 DailyCandy readers to post a video using promo code DCJUW50 in their profile will receive a $50 Jockey® gift card. The submission deadline is April 10. So now’s the time to throw on your striped, pink bad boys and shake that groove thing.
Don’t play coy.
Check out the UnderWarrior at jockeyunderwars.com. To post your video, go to jockeyunderwars.com/submit.
So it's almost time for us to choose an OB/GYN for this pregnancy, and the hospital where we'd like to deliver - the first of probably fifteen thousand million decisions we'll get to make in the next couple of months. And things that I know nothing about.
Anyone have a great experience with a great doctor at a great hospital? Or ideas of good questions to ask in order to find a good fit? I'm taking notes... We'll make our own decision in the end, but I'd love to hear lots of different opinions to help start us off with our research.
Hey... Any cooking nerds out there? Go check out Erin's blog - she's hosting a contest, and the winner is taking home a stash of Epicure products. (Yum!)
I woke up this morning and all I wanted was to be sleeping again. My body has developed this annoying pattern of being overtaken by nausea just before it's time to get ready for bed and it keeps me up for a while... And then I'm making at least four or five trips to the washroom during the night. So my alarm goes in the morning and I'm exhausted (and filled with residual queasiness) - plus by then, I inevitably need to use the washroom again. But I get up and power through another work day, with each day adding to the exhaustion of the last.
Whiny, I know. I'm not dying of pregnancy or anything. I just think the combination of fibromyalgia, baby growing, and the emotional exhaustion my whole family has been dealing with this month is creating a monster. And today was the first day that it really started to concern me, because I was noticing some mild fibro symptoms. Time to slip into full-on Lindsay Preservation Mode. Especially because I'm not the only person whose health I'm worrying about anymore.
Before I officially entered into The Mode, though, I had a crazy day at work. It all kind of culminated at a luncheon event we attended for one of my clients - a fundraiser for the Canadian Museum for Human Rights that will help create a fund to allow students from across Canada and around the world to visit the museum and participate in educational programs to learn about human rights. It definitely added to the chaos of my day (and created all kinds of diet-related challenges), but it was exciting to hear about their plans for this program - and the keynote speaker was Lloyd Axworthy, who I have a lot of respect for. He spoke about human rights and his related experiences in government and in his work with the UN. Definitely a life full of experiences that I covet a little. Okay, a lot.
By now, I'm three and a half hours into The Mode... And to be honest, I'm a little bored. But I know it's for the greater good :)
Tonight, I was invited to accompany Anica and Sophie (my cousins slash nieces, for the uninitiated) to their Girls Club Spring Tea.
It was fun... The girls sang a few songs for us, then we all did a craft together (a stretch for a non-crafty girl like me) and had tea and dainties. Fortunately, they served fruit so I didn't feel like a total loser for turning down chocolate cupcakes!
It was nice to hang out with the girls (and Val, my aunt slash big sister) for a couple of hours - it made me forget all about my grown-up worrying, and I actually caught myself giggling once or twice when Sophie and I had our hands full of wet cement :)
Then Val sent me home with a motherload (hehe) of her pregnancy info. I'm not *quite* brave enough to read it all yet, but I will... Sometime before I give birth.
Me and Soph
Anica and Val
Our stepping stones. Sophie put her handprint in hers and then decorated the WHOLE thing. I decorated around the edge of mine, and then Soph and I both added our handprints in the middle. Sadly, you can't tell which one was done by a 26-year-old advertising professional and which was done by a 5-year-old kindergartener. We'll say it's because of her amazing skills, not because of my artistic inadequacies :)
My apologies for the break in blogging - but I think the series of secrets I reveal below more than explain my absence. (Grab a box of Kleenex first, if you're naturally weepy. There. I warned you.) HINT: I posted in regular blogging order, with the most recent news coming at the top. If you want to read through my new posts organically, scroll halfway down the page (look for the pic of me and my mom) - and then start reading your way back up to the top :)
The Blog Entry I'm *Actually* Posting on March 24 :)
Church was hard yesterday morning. I knew that I was singing. I knew that my mom was coming. I knew that my dad would be making an announcement that they are stepping down from all their church leadership roles, and sharing about my mom's diagnosis. I knew all of those things... And I still couldn't help but cry. In public. On stage.
But instead of feeling vulnerable and gross, I actually felt very safe. I was totally surrounded by friends (and friends who had the foresight to have Kleenex on hand, just in case - thanks, ladies). It crossed my mind that my tears might be making other people uncomfortable. But when I thought about it later, I realized that I didn't care. If people can't deal with authentic emotions, then I'm sad for them and the lack of love in their lives. Because when you love other people and get involved in their lives, you feel things - lots of things, good and bad. You cry with them when they are sad, and you celebrate with them when they are happy. That's the risk you take when you choose to love.
I love, therefore I feel.
When I was little, one of my favourite books to read with my mom was a book about a rabbit whose ears drooped down instead of being perky like the other rabbits' ears. Leo tries everything from tying other rabbits' ears down with rocks to hanging upside-down with a possum, but at the end of the book, everyone decides that normal is whatever you are.
I'm deciding that normal is whatever I feel. And so I'm doing my best not to regulate my emotions. When I need to cry, I'm crying and going through Kleenex like it's going out of style. When I need to laugh, I'm laughing until my stomach hurts. The result is that I might sometimes look a little crazy from the outside. But I'm normal, and I'm living this - and feeling it - the best way I know how to.
Yesterday was ridiculous insanity. My sister and I were both planning to announce our pregnancies at our family gathering, and my dad came up with an idea to make it as dramatic as possible (big surprise).
After our impromptu little pre-party at our place, we all headed out to the gathering. Geoff and Aaron and Cait and I were all sporting fancy new t-shirts that read 'I'm going to be an AUNT' and 'I'm going to be an UNCLE' as applicable. When people noticed what we were wearing, there were a few minutes of chaos of Jess and Kevin were swarmed by well-wishing family members.
Then, a few minutes later, Jess and Kevin unzipped their hoodies to reveal matching 'I'm going to be an AUNT' and 'I'm going to be an UNCLE' t-shirts. There were 30 seconds of stunned silence, followed by a couple of quiet and disbelieving questions, then more pandemonium than before.
My immediate family has had many, many laughs as we've mocked and impersonated all the people who took a couple of seconds too long to figure it out. The t-shirts weren't exactly subtle, people :)
Needless to say, people were very excited to celebrate our good news with us - and it provided a nice contrast to the sadness everyone was feeling about my mom. I constantly struggle with internal questions about how to balance all of this news. I don't want to take away from what my mom is going through by being TOO happy and excited. And I know that she doesn't want to take away any of our job by being TOO sad and scared.
It's exhausting.
My Dad's idea of a hilarious joke - lining us up for a photo on the stairs. We weren't really capable of doing it seriously, though :)
My family made a decision last night that we'd meet up at our place today before the big extended family gathering this afternoon. They'll be arriving in a few minutes, and I'm starting to wonder if this was such a good idea.
It's like planned grief. We didn't want to make a huge scene and all see each other for the first time since the Official Diagnosis in front of 30 other people (even though they're family too). It's just such a private moment. And for that reason, I know it was right. I just don't know if I can schedule my tears so neatly.
And here's the thing: I don't want to grieve. I want my mom to be healthy. And I never want to hear the C word again.
It turns out that the 'cancer' C word is a million times worse than that other C word. The other one just hurts your feelings. This one makes your whole world turn upside down, and I'm scared that - even after the surgery and treatments are over and my mom has her health back again - nothing will ever be the same for us again.
This whole situation has had a strange and unexpected side effect. My family has always been important to me, but there is no other consideration for me now. Family has become our number one priority. This journey is only beginning, but I can already feel that change. The circumstances of that are really horrible, but I kind of like this new feeling of family. It's starting to feel like the calm in the storm. My family has always been my foundation and my safe place, and that has never been more true.
Geoff and I went to his church last night for a Maundy Thursday service. (What the heck is Maundy Thursday??? I'm pretty sure they just made it up.) It was harder than I thought it would be. I'm angrier at God than I thought I was.
Near the end of the service, everyone started singing that old song 'I Have Decided to Follow Jesus' - and I started to cry. It just hit me in my gut.
Trusting Jesus and following Him isn't something that depends on my mood, my attitude, or anything else that's going on in my life that moment. It's a decision. And it's a decision that I've committed to. I'm following Him, no matter how unfair the world feels (and it is) or how much I question why He allowed this to happen (and I do).
I have decided to follow Jesus I have decided to follow Jesus I have decided to follow Jesus No turning back, no turning back
Because my faith is deeper than a feeling. And He hasn't failed me yet.
Whewww... Holy cow, people get EXCITED about babies!
Last night, all the girls were sitting around after band practice, and it was a perfect moment if I've ever felt one. About three seconds after I uttered the word 'baby' - after that stunned silence I'm starting to get used to - I was very gently but completely tackled by a group of very excited women. Fun. I don't think Mel stopped beaming for a millisecond.
And then today brought the slightly less fun task of telling my boss. Shudder. It went really well, actually. Everyone is totally surprised, but happy for me (us). They're not exactly thrilled about it (understatement) - and they immediately asked if I was coming back after, and if I'd still be available to freelance while I'm on mat leave - but it will be okay.
This afternoon, I broke the news to Kari-Ann, which was very fun. She's due at the beginning of May - also unexpectedly - and it will be fun to have someone else around who's going through so much of what I'm going through.
Honestly? All of this telling today is serving as a distraction. I'm incredibly aware that it is currently 2.52 pm. Which means that my mom's appointment started 22 minutes ago. And I don't know about you, but I'd imagine that - if it was good news - the doctor wouldn't take that long to communicate it, and my parents would have jumped right on their cell phones to let us all know.
Okay, it's 2.56 now. My stomach is dropping every time the clock in the corner of my laptop changes. 2.57. 2.58. I'm at work, sitting at my desk in a totally open-concept office - and I don't care that I'm crying.
3.10. Oh my GOD. This is agonizing.
3.16. My brother just IM'd me and let me know that his cell phone was ringing, and that my dad's cell number was on his call display. I feel sick.
3.28. That's the amount of time it took for my dad to get off the phone with my brother, for him to call me, for me to take my moment in the bathroom at work to get the beginning of my tears out, and for me to call Geoff and ask him to come and pick me up. I just need to go home and process this. I was very brave on the phone until my dad started to cry. Then I fell apart.
Isn't everyone in Winnipeg this week? It's that strange time that's not quite winter anymore, but definitely not full-fleged spring yet. I'm always more anxious for summer than ever once we get to this stage. When it's super-snowy and -30 outside, I can't even imagine green grass and warm summer days. But when I can see that it's on its way...
My mom got a call this morning that her results are in. She has an appointment for tomorrow (Thursday) at 2.30 pm. And then we'll know. So strange that we've been waiting anxiously to hear when the appointment would be, and now it's something I'm dreading. When I think about tomorrow afternoon, my stomach starts doing somersaults and my hands go icy cold. And it's not even my appointment! We're just all so scared about the news. And I don't even know what to do anymore. The tests are done, so all the prayer in the world can't change what the results will be. All I can do is to be there for my mom, and to pray for peace and hope - no matter what. Again, it's almost harder to wait now that we know it's imminent.
And then there's the whole baby thing. I'm pretty much faking my way through work right now and - as horrible as it sounds - I'm coasting by on the news about my mom. No one's really questioning why I'm upset and distracted, and not really feeling well. It's the oddest blessing EVER. I know I'm not very far along yet, but it's getting really hard not to tell. Especially because I swear it's incredibly obvious. My tummy is a little rounder than usual (how is that even POSSIBLE this early? stupid genes), my breasts are growing daily, and I'm constantly queasy and irritated with everyone.
It will be easier once everyone knows. After the waiting...
I'm not going to lie. This past weekend was HARD. My mom is really upset and worried about her test results, and asked for all of us kids to come home for dinner on Sunday evening.
I was still all torn up inside about what to do - whether to tell, or whether to wait. Geoff and I went shopping on Saturday and bought a card to break the news to my parents, and it was all ready to go in my purse... But as we drove closer and closer to Niverville, I was only about 90% sure that we were doing the right thing. I just didn't know if it would all be too much for my mom to handle right now.
Anyway. To make a long story short, as the family was sitting down to dinner, Geoff and I handed our card to my mom. To say she was surprised is the understatement of the century (and that includes George Bush's assessments of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan). Her face froze. My dad looked stunned. And then my mom jumped up and ran out of the room sobbing. And I immediately began to doubt our instincts that had told us that it was okay to share.
My mom came back to the table a minute or two later, still clutching a Kleenex - much calmer and clearly showing her joy (with just a touch of residual shock).
And then it turned into a REAL sitcom moment, because my sister reached under her chair and handed a gift bag to my parents. A gift bag containing tiny baby bibs.
Oh. My. God.
After some very, very quick conversation, we discovered that Jess and I are due about 10 days apart. Looks like Baby has inherited a little of its mommy's flair for drama (and a lot of her terrible sense of timing).
And I know in my heart that telling was the right thing - not only because it would have been incredibly uncomfortable for one of us if the only other had announced! My evidence of this truth is the fact that my mom didn't cry once yesterday. In fact, she told me that she hadn't stopped smiling since we told her. This is one tough grandma-to-be who is going to fight cancer like a wildcat if that's what it comes to. Because there is absolutely nothing in the world that my mom loves more than (a) her kids, and (b) newborn babies.
I can't remember when I've ever cried so much in my life. Last night, on the phone with my mom, I managed to stay at least somewhat brave until I hung up - we won't speak about what happened after that.
This has been the hardest week of my entire life, no question. The harsh truth is that my mom and I both had unscheduled appointments with our shared GP on the very same day - about three hours apart. At my appointment, I found out that I am pregnant. At her appointment, she found out that she probably has cancer. The universe is so cruel. Especially because, after she called to tell me about her news, I felt like I couldn't share mine. And I feel like I'm carrying around this huge secret. Well, I AM, but it's bigger and deeper than that. Because I know what she doesn't right now: that our worlds pretty much collided on Monday, in such a horrific way.
Now Geoff and I honestly don't know what to do. The reality is that I need my mom SO MUCH right now, and I need to be sharing this pregnancy with her and asking hundreds of random little questions (my hips ache so much today... is that normal?). But I didn't have a chance to tell her before her whole world fell apart. And she has bigger things to worry about now. There is literally no way to tell her now - post cancer news - that won't break her heart.
Somehow, the happiest news in the world has turned into something so incredibly sad. I wanted SO MUCH to share this news with my family right away. And now I really don't know when we'll tell them.
And that's why I cried for about two hours without stopping last night. The ugly kind of crying. The kind where you end up with mascara and trails of snot everywhere, your eyes swell almost shut, and you make weird little animal sounds. Because I want to be celebrating right now, not grieving. And life is just so incredibly unfair sometimes.
Ugh. Okay. This is harder than it looks! Especially because it doesn't *look* like there's anything going on.
Work has been so brutal this week. I constantly feel like I want to (a) puke, and then (b) sleep for a month. Instead, I'm supposed to be all high-energy with a super-human attention to detail. I've come pretty close to booking myself into a meeting room and then sleeping under the table. Truth be told, I will admit that I locked myself in our bathroom at work for five minutes this afternoon and lay down on the floor - the spot where it was the least icky. I just could not function for another second without lying down and closing my eyes for a bit.
I know that it's a lot of work to grow a baby, blah blah blah. But this is ridiculous! I'm engaged in battle with something the size of a bean - AND IT'S WINNING. This tiny mutant alien has completely taken over my body.
Sorry, Baby. I know we're on the same team here. But seriously. Do you think you could give me a little bit of a break here?
I'm writing this on Tuesday, March 11, watching the Top 12 perform on American Idol, sitting with my laptop on the couch while Geoff works a night shift. The sun has almost completely set outside, over the winter that I swear is more beautiful in River Heights than anywhere else in the world. And I'm honestly kind of enjoying the peace and quiet - cherishing it - because my entire world will be flipped upside-down before the snow falls again.
Yes, I'm implying what you - rather incredulously - may be suspecting. Geoff and I are expecting our first baby somewhere around November 3.
Surprised? Us too :)
Don't get me wrong. We've always talked about starting a family, and we were definitely looking forward to one day becoming parents. This wasn't *quite* the day we were expecting that to happen - but we are so unbelievably, incredibly, unhesitatingly excited.
When my period was late last month, I wondered and worried a little, as any responsible woman should. But I'd been under so much stress because of work, and I'd just started my crazy new eating plan... Besides, birth control is supposed to take care of pesky little details like - ahem - PREGNANCY. Anyway. I finally did a home test two days ago, and then confirmed with my GP yesterday at lunchtime. And the rest, as they say, is history.
It's kind of a relief to know, actually. I'd been getting pretty suspicious, and suddenly so many things make sense - the exhaustion, the tears, the icky 'I'm going to get my period any second' cramps and bloating, the constant feeling of being right on the verge of throwing up at any given second, yada yada yada. Yep. Pregnant.
So I'm seriously freaking out a little bit here, because the truth is that I have absolutely no idea how to be pregnant. Being Lindsay, I made a prompt visit to Chapters to grab a couple of books, in hopes that they'll answer at least a couple of the questions that I'm dying to ask my mom - and my mommy friends - in this weird in-between time when it's still a secret. This morning, I just about had a heart attack more than halfway through my morning tea when I realized that (a) I probably shouldn't be having caffeine, and (b) I had absolutely no clue if the honey I used was okay for a mommy-to-be. I couldn't Google it, for fear of being discovered at work - a situation which just might lead to all those cool, child-hating advertising folks burning me at the stake (or whatever they do these days when you commit treason). And so I sat at my desk feeling like a total failure as a mother, and wondering what else I'm screwing up on. Which, of course, made me want to cry. And pee. Ah, these are the days of my life.
Geoff and I haven't really decided when to tell people. For now, it feels right to just keep it between us. But I know already that we'll be telling people very soon. I fully understand why some people wait until month three or four, but we're both bursting with this amazing news - and I know that we're both anxious to share that joy with our family and friends.
And there you have it. Our big crazy secret. Or rather, our tiny little secret - apparently, Baby is less than an inch long and looks super-freaky (sorry, Baby, but it's true). But its heart is beating already. How cool is that?! I'm getting really excited to hear the heartbeat and see Baby in an ultrasound and watch my tummy start to grow - all those things that will make this feel so undeniably real.
So I have no idea when this post will actually make it onto my blog. Whenever it does, I'm excited to share this news with all of you - and to invite you to join me on this next journey in the ridiculous series of surprises and joy that is my life.
Have I told you lately how very much I appreciate you? It means so much that you care enough to check in with me, even when I'm too busy and wrapped up in myself to be a 'real' friend and go for coffee with you.
Just wanted to give you all a little heads-up that I think I'll be taking a couple of days off from the blogging world. There is just so much going on in my life and in my family right now - I need to be spending real-world time with those people right now, and processing some of my feelings privately before I'm ready to share them.
Thanks for understanding, and I'll see you soon. In the meantime, I'd still love to hear from you :)
I always wished this too, completely oblivious to the fact that I *was* beautiful. It's sometimes funny to me that I feel more beautiful now than I ever have - with more extra pounds than I care to disclose, my contacts tossed in a drawer somewhere, and all my blonde hair cut off and hidden beneath layers of dark brown dye.
I don't really have a Friday Smile in me today... I'm sorry. It's been a long week.
In the meantime, if you're the praying kind, please pray for my mom and my family. She underwent all kinds of tests this week and we're playing the waiting game now - results should be in next week sometime. We all know in our heads not to worry until we know anything for sure, but that's sometimes really hard to tell your heart.
Have you ever played that drama game 'Fortunately, Unfortunately'? Someone starts it off with a simple sentence: I got on the bus this morning. Then the players take turns, alternating between good and bad things that happened to them after they got on the bus: Unfortunately, it was the wrong bus. Fortunately, this bus was going to the zoo instead of to my office. Unfortunately, all the lions from the zoo got loose and people were running for their lives. Fortunately, I could just jump back on the bus and make my escape. Unfortunately, the bus had a flat tire...
You get the picture. And that has seriously been the picture of my life this week. For every little up, there's been a little down. For every major down, there's been a major up. Here's hoping that the entire universe begins to level off a little :)
Okay, maybe not SERIOUSLY. But it still sucks. A lot.
I don't know what's going on this week - has it been that kind of week for everyone? I swear that all my clients went mad over the last day or two, and I'm just tired. This week has been full of so many emotions. It's been a loooong day. And I'm seriously considering calling it a night.
The good news is that my performance review at work is over, AND it went really well. Definitely an up on this week's wild ride.
And all MY favourite American Idol contestants are safe for another week. Another up :)
In the midst of my mourning over Lenny, I'll take it. Though I might wait another day or two to take down my blog ticker.
Lindsay is officially in mourning over the news about the Lenny Kravitz concert. It's postponed until October 29, though that date is only tentative. They're offering refunds now and reselling tickets when the new date is confirmed. I'm somehow doubting that we'll be able to snag front row floor seats twice in a row :(
My life is so tragic. I'm going to go cry now. Seriously.
I don't know about you, but I think we've hit a new low when 'what I'm eating' becomes a hot topic for a blog post :)
Here are a few of my recent Good Recipe Finds, for your culinary enjoyment.
-
Sweet Potato Fries with Creamy Apple Maple Dip
2 medium sweet potatoes, cut lengthwise into fry shape 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 0.5 tsp sea salt
Dip: 0.5 cup unsweetened organic applesauce 2 tbsp plain non-fat yogurt 1 tbsp organic maple syrup Dash of cinnamon
Preheat oven to 425º F (220º C). Line a cookie sheet with tin foil. Place sweet potato fries into a bowl and toss with oil and salt. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and turn over. Bake another 8 to 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, mix all dip ingredients in a bowl. Serve fries immediately with dip on the side.
Walnut Chicken Salad Pita
3 tbsp chopped, cooked spinach 1 tbsp lemon juice 0.5 - 0.75 cup plain, non fat yogurt 1 tsp dry mustard 0.25 cup chopped green onion 0.5 cup finely chopped celery 1 tbsp fresh dill 0.25 cup walnuts, chopped, toasted 2 cooked skinless chicken breasts, diced 1 apple cored and finely chopped 1 tsp pepper 4 leaves romaine lettuce 2 whole wheat pitas or wraps
In a large bowl, combine the spinach, yogurt, lemon juice, mustard, green onion, dill and celery. Stir to combine. Add the chicken, apple, and walnuts, blend well, then season with pepper. Spoon a quarter of the mix into each pita half, tuck in a lettuce leave, and serve.
Avacado Smoothie
1 avacado, peeled and cut into chunks 0.5 banana, peeled and cut into chunks 1.5 cups unsweetened soy milk 2 tbsp natural organic honey 0.5 cup crushed ice
Add all ingredients to blender, and blend until smooth. Serve immediately.
FRIDAY: Um, nothing very exciting. I went to work, I came home, I dropped Geoff off at work, I came home again, and then I worked for a whole bunch of hours with the tv on in the background. My life is SO fabulous :)
SATURDAY: Let's see... I woke up, made myself some tea, worked for a bit, and then Geoff came home - with a couple of Kanye West tickets in hand! SO excited. Anyway. Then he went to bed and I got groceries and scoured a couple of book stores for this one particular title that I really needed for work (and found it).
Then the real work began... I whipped up a ginormous batch of lasagna - enough to throw a couple in my freezer - with all organic ingredients and things that I can eat. I won't lie to y'all - it's pretty amazing.
In the evening, I started reading the book I purchased. It's so intense. I'm writing a piece for a client who deals with youth issues, and I'm trying to learn as much as I can about cutting so that I can effectively write this piece from the point of view of a young girl who's thinking about it. This book was written by a journalist who spent years getting to know 50 cutters from around the world, and climbed into their heads and their lives to learn as much as she could about the issue. It's pretty heavy reading, but I'm learning so much. And I'm not-so-secretly enjoying wearing my writer's hat again for this project, especially because I care so much about it. It's a challenge, and I love a challenge :)
SUNDAY: Ugh. Stupid #&$^ daylight savings time. I HATE springing ahead. I'm one of those losers who feels totally off-kilter for at least a week after the clocks change, with that constant nagging feeling that someone's playing a giant prank on me and switching all my clocks to the wrong time so that I'll be early / be late / just generally make an ass of myself.
We went to Geoff's church in the morning because he was doing sound (don't you love how it's still 'Lindsay's church' and 'Geoff's church'?), and I got to see the lovely and talented Miss Meredith Daley there - which always makes me a little bit happy. I still think it's crazy that we ran into each other again at Geoff's church, of all places.
From there, it was lunch at Cafe Kohler (yum) and then an afternoon at the Art Gallery with The Boy. We *finally* checked out the Post Secret exhibit, and the rest of the gallery. It was a fun Sunday afternoon.
The rest of the day was spent reading and experimenting with a couple of new recipes (me), surfing the internet and shoveling snow (Geoff), and watching 'Run Fatboy Run' whilst laughing hysterically (both of us).
So I went to an appointment this morning. I didn't know before I got there that it was That Appointment. I sort of hoped I'd have a couple more before it happened.
Anyway. My appointment was at 09.15 this morning. As of around 09.22, I'm no longer being treated by a fibromyalgia / chronic pain specialist. I got The Handshake, The Talk about how he's exhausted every idea he has about something that might help, The Promise that there are smart people doing progressive research in the field that might help me someday, The Good Luck Wish.
I'm out there, baby (ten points for a quasi-hilarious and entirely inappropriate Seinfeld reference). And you know what? I'm kind of okay with it this time. I'm so tired of the runaround - the constant, jarring starting-and-stopping of random therapies that doctors get all excited about (until they don't work) followed by the weeks and months in between where I'd be dropped and left on my own. Now I know that I'm on my own - plus my awesome support network of friends and family - and in some ways, it's almost like this last Doctor of Abandonment has given me permission to take control of my own health again.
Today, despite the fact that I hate chai tea and I hate soy milk, I actually enjoyed a Tazo Chai latte from Starbucks. Who knew.
And once again, I came up with a dinner that honestly and seriously tasted GOOD: mini pizzas on whole grain pitas with organic tomato sauce, chicken, red pepper, red onion, asparagus, and a little bit of cheese. Weird new diet or no weird new diet - there's nothing wrong with that meal at all :)
Mmmm... GOOD food. With a few modifications, I managed to create a super-yummy, super-easy meal for The Boy and I this evening.
Mango Salsa: 1 cup chopped fresh mango 0.25 cup finely chopped cucumber (skin on) 2 tbsp finely chopped red onion 1 tbsp organic balsamic & red wine dressing 1 tsp grated lime peel
I served it over tilapia fillets (browned with a tiny bit of olive oil and a some more of the balsamic dressing in the pan), with organic brown basmati rice.
I'm happily discovering SO MANY things that I can eat - that actually fill me up and taste amazing. I'm actually starting to think that this food might taste better than regular food (and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better).
I even made my own chicken noodle soup yesterday. Insane.
If you - or someone you're very close to - hasn't been sick, you won't get it. But I grew up being constantly approached by well-meaning acquaintances who were absolutely convinced that whatever they sold would fix me right up. It got to the point where I became skeptical of pretty much anything that wasn't doctor-recommended. Sad, because I probably missed out on some solid alternative therapy ideas. I just couldn't deal with it anymore.
Which is maybe why I have waited this long to trust a combination of herbal supplements and a quasi-extreme diet to keep my symptoms at bay. But after January's no-good-very-bad drug experiment, I felt like this was necessary. And so, beginning on Saturday, I have embarked on a journey scheduled to last around six months - I have committed to taking a ginormous mountain of supplements three times a day and following a strictly outlined nutrition plan, in hope that this might succeed in making me healthy.
I'll let you know how it goes. As if you had any doubt :)
By the way, if you feel like going the extra mile and supporting me in this (and if you're anticipating dining with me at some point in the near future), feel free to request The List and I'd be happy to email it to you.
Oh, and encouragement would be acceptable also. AHEM, Anja and Kari-Ann. Not that I didn't LOVE your comments about how disgusting my non-sushi meal looked compared to your Japanese delicacies last night...
FRIDAY: My work week ended with all kinds of drama last week. Specifically, the person in our office who is in charge of keeping our space clean decided that they shouldn't have to do it anymore - and suggested a new policy that whoever's turn it was to clean the bathroom (we all take weeks) should also mop and clean up the entrance / lobby area. I had issues with the new policy to begin with - and then I found out whose turn it was last week. I was stuck dealing with weeks (possibly months) of sullenly neglected floors. Ugh. Thankfully, after an hour of toiling on my own, Christine and Dolly both pitched in and helped. After that, a few of us went for drinks until Geoff was done work and met me for dinner. It was a super-fun ending to a really, really loooong day.
SATURDAY: Not a sleep-in day. I got up, made myself semi-presentable, and headed out to visit my herbal consultant. Long story, which I will share later. From there, I spent the afternoon having tea at my brother's place - delightful - before picking up groceries and heading home to do some laundry. Very fabulous and exciting :)
SUNDAY: REALLY not a sleep-in day. I got up at 6, started getting ready, stopping getting ready and drove Geoff to work, came home and continued to get ready, then headed to Niverville for an 8 am soundcheck. Did soundcheck, met my mom for breakfast, went to church. Are you keeping up with me so far?
I had so many Sunday highlights. The first was getting to SING. I hadn't been able to sing in church with my team in weeks - more like months. My health has just not allowed me to. But it felt SO GOOD to be back. Just walking into soundcheck, I couldn't help smiling. I can't describe why it means so much to me. It just does. I have a totally unique and powerful worship experience when I'm on stage with that group of people, and it's such a joy.
And my aunt Verna was in church, and joined my parents and I for lunch. I hadn't seen her since her heart attack scare a few weeks ago, and it just made my happy to spend some time with her. She's special to me.
And then, I got to spend some time with my parents, which I haven't done in a while. My mom and I spent a chunk of the afternoon in their hot tub, which was so nice.
And it's not over yet... In the early evening, I headed over to Kathy and Greg's place with Emily and Rocky where we enjoyed dinner together (I brought my own... sigh) and then we all made an appearance at our church's Young Adults group. Yes, people gasped in amazement... hehe. Kathy was speaking on the topic of heaven, and she did such an incredible job. I was so very proud of her, and I was encouraged and challenged by what she shared.
Finally, I set out for home. And the roads were TERRIBLE. It took me forever to get home, driving 30 km/h on very icy and blustery highways. Shudder. But I arrived safe and sound. And exhausted. And quite happily slept like a log until my blasted alarm went off in the morning.
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
