There. I said it. But here's the thing... I've been feeling the full effect of living with chronic illness. Geoff was scheduled to work nights all weekend (oh, the joys of loving - and living with - a trauma nurse). And, of course, we have a toddler. She's lovely, but SHE'S ONE. And therefore, a lot of work a lot of the time. Not exactly the ingredient for a super fabulous long weekend.
On Friday afternoon, I snuck out to cheat on my hairdresser. Oh yes, I did. And it was FABULOUS. I'm in love with my hair right now and I will be back. Scandalous! The only downside was that I had foxy hair and nowhere to go... But I think the mini-makeover (especially when coupled with my new glasses) set the stage for a much better weekend than I had originally anticipated.
Later that night, I invited a friend over for tea after all our kids were in bed. She came just after 8 and it was so much fun to have company on a night in Geoff's rotation that's sometimes pretty lonely. We had some great conversations and I crawled into bed feeling happy and relaxed.
The next day, Briony + I hit up Starbucks and the playground before heading home for lunch and a nap (for Briony, not for me... funny how that works). Anja came over in the afternoon and had a perfect afternoon of catching up and hanging out. After Briony's nap, we packed up the baby and the puppy and made another visit to the playground. Briony *loves* Anja's dog and was fascinated by the whole 'walking the dog' thing. When we got home, she wanted to try and proceeded to walk Luna around the living room - cutest thing ever ('come, woof' 'good!' 'over here' 'nice dog').
Just before 6 pm on Saturday, Briony asked to go to bed. Apparently, the two trips to the playground did her in... She was sleeping before Geoff left for his night shift and stayed sleeping all night. BIZARRE. I ended up watching a movie, talking to my brother, starting and finishing the laundry, eating a cupcake, cleaning up our bedroom, having a bubble bath, and finishing a fun book. Oh my gosh, what a fabulous night... It is my greatest wish for ONE of those nights every month. I felt positively HUMAN! It was glorious.
On Sunday, Briony + I headed out to Falcon Lake to spend some time with my parents and a couple of friends who joined us for the day. We stayed overnight and came back to the city after lunch on Monday - returning home just in time to leave Briony with Katie and head out to Assiniboine Park for a quick dinner and a movie with Geoff (we saw 'The Switch' and it was better than I'd expected... one of my favourite movies this year, actually).
So it was a good weekend. A really good weekend. And I'm realizing - in retrospect - that it was good because I chose to MAKE it good. It would have been perfectly valid to sit at home and be grumpy that my husband was working through an entire long weekend. But that's not the life I want to live, and we ended up finding some great little pockets of family time and snuck in some great memories with some great people all over the place.
I went to bed last night feeling happy and relaxed and ready for whatever this week will bring out way. I'd call that a successful weekend, by anyone's definition.
Are you sick of hearing me brag about my friends? TOO BAD. Because I'm nowhere near finished.
I woke up bitchy today. Well, it's true. I was mad about how lousy I felt, mad at Geoff for not being able to read my mind, mad at the world for being so annoying... But it's kind of amazing how a day can turn around.
Today, I received a random surprise delivery of flowers + a caramel macchiato from a friend who knows what a tough week it's been around here. This delivery occurred while I was out with another friend who knows what a tough week it's been around here (while Geoff watched Briony for a couple of hours because he knows what a tough week it's been around here).
It's incredible how these small, spontaneous gestures can so absolutely and completely turn a frown upside down.
OH MY GOSH did I ever need this past weekend. Life has just been coming at me a million miles an hour lately and by the end of last week I must have been a total treat to be around... Sarcasm, my friends.
This was EXACTLY what I had been needing. Emily, Melanie, Kathy, and I met up *early* on Saturday morning (thank you, Paul!) and began our roadtrip down to Minneapolis. I seriously think we talked the entire way there, pausing only to sip some Starbucks or have a quick bathroom break.
Have I mentioned recently how much I love drama-free girls? The only drama on the way down was the nasty-looking sky. I've never been more worried about a tornado in my life, and after arriving safely in Minneapolis, we saw on the news that there had actually been a couple of touch-downs in that area just after we drove through. SHUDDER. The weather was ominous in the city and the sky was black as night in the middle of the evening, but we were troopers and headed out to Ikea anyway (hehe).
After a bit of a lazy start, Sunday was spent at the Mall of America and then at Lilith. Ah, Lilith... You did not disappoint me in any way. We took in performances by Metric, Kate Nash, Court Yard Hounds (two-thirds of the Dixie Chicks), Heart, Mary J Blige, and Sarah McLachlan. It would have been fun to see ALL the performers - there were a few more earlier in the day - but there was no way I was up to that. The ones we saw were incredible, the only exception being Kate Nash. Her voice was awesome, but honestly, her attitude was so repulsive that the music didn't even matter anymore.
I was struck by how these musicians - with the exception of Kate - were all so grateful to be there and so in love with what they were doing. They were all STRONG women, in their own totally unique ways, and sharing their incredible musical gifts in their own totally unique styles. We heard almost every kind of music, without a single bad note. It was awesome, and the little bit of feminism that resides in my heart was smiling. There was a lot of singing, a lot of dancing, and a lot of screaming. Awesomeness.
After the concert, we caught the train back out of downtown and stopped off for a late-night snack before crashing WAY TOO LATE. As a result, the morning was a little sluggish, but we were on the road in decent time and did some moderate damage at the outlets in Albertville before hitting the road for real. We were again delayed because of bizarre (and kind of dangerous) circumstances - there was a major accident that shut down the I-94 and forced us to take a pretty major detour. We eventually arrived home, tired but happy.
It was a great weekend. It reminded me how important it is to maintain my own friendships and take time out for myself every once in a while - reconnecting with the things I loved to do before I was Lindsay the Wife and Lindsay the Mom, and just be Lindsay for a bit. I forgot how much I like her. I laughed a lot this weekend.
Cheers to Kathy for braving the hotel lounge with Mel and I in yoga pants and no makeup... hehe. It meant so much to be able to spend some real time with you, my friend. You are one of the most beautiful people I've been lucky enough to know.
Cheers to Mel for helping me sing my way through most of the Glee soundtrack on the way home. Life has gotten so busy, and you are one of those friends who I don't see nearly often enough - but when we do, it feels just like always. I love that.
Cheers to Emily for being your lovely, flexible self and for an entire weekend of Lindsay + Emily time. I miss you so much when we get so busy. You're one of those friends who just loves me unconditionally exactly where I am, and that's *so* special.
And, of course, cheers to Geoff for giving me such an incredible birthday gift :)
Today was kind of incredible. I'm still making slow and steady progress - I'd say my pain has now been cut in half from when I started on my meds again, though I'm dealing with some pretty frustrating side effects. What made my day incredible was the support I felt from so many people. Geoff had to work today, but my friend Kathy came and spent the day with Briony + I. Then my friend Christine came and took the evening shift. During the day, yet another friend emailed to see if she could drop off any groceries for us. And I've had *so* many encouraging messages hit my inbox. There is no way we could be doing this on our own. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to feel this level of love and support from our friends.
Now I'm getting ready for an extra-long weekend at the lake - four days beginning tomorrow. Four days set aside to heal my body and celebrate my birthday with the people in this world who are most important to me.
This Monday, I am having my last birthday ever (the last one I'll ever admit to, anyway). Turning 29 feels strange, but only because it's the last birthday before I turn 30. And 30 scares me, but not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually really excited to begin my 30s... But the year I'm 30 will also be the year I 'celebrate' 20 years of living with a chronic illness. Crazy, isn't it? There are *so* many emotions attached to that, and even more given the events of this past week. We're toying with the idea of doing something BIG to ensure that it's a true celebration, because there really is *so* much to celebrate in my life... You'll be hearing more about this as the time approaches, I'm sure.
In some ways, it's scary to celebrate a birthday in the middle of this mess. It kind of makes me wonder what we're in for this year. In other ways, it's okay because - no matter what happens - my life is so very full of love. And really, what more can a girl ask for?
Now that we're less than three weeks away from my girls roadtrip weekend with Emily, Kathy, and Mel to check out Lilith Fair in Minneapolis, I can't resist putting together a little 'Countdown to Lilith' series. Can you tell that I'm just a LITTLE BIT excited? :)
First up is the lovely Kate Nash. I have a little bit of a love/hate relationship with Ms Nash. I'm relatively certain that I would have been a huge fan if she'd appeared on the music scene when I was a teenager. But she didn't. And so she's become a little bit of a guilty pleasure artist for me when I'm in the right mood. In the right mood, I quite enjoy reliving my college years in all their glorious angst. In the wrong mood, she's an annoying little sister and I REALLY want her to practice her guitar in the garage instead of in front of the mirror in the bedroom we share.
That said, her style is kind of adorable and her songwriting is creative and fun. It will be interesting to see her live because she's definitely on my list of artists who I have my doubts about... She could surprise me and be incredible live. Or she could sound like s#*t. And happily, there is only one way to find out.
My very favourite Kate Nash song is 'Nicest Thing' - to me, it's one of the most honest 'I wish you loved me back' songs ever. And if you've survived your college years, you know that there's always room for one more song like that (pass the Arbor Mist and a box of tissues, please... hehe).
For the past couple of years, my good friend Mel has organized a team for the MS Walk in honour of her mother-in-law. I have always wanted to go and support them but it never seems to work out. We're always busy that day or gone for the weekend or SOMETHING. This year, the calendar was wide open - other than Geoff working all weekend - and so I signed up to participate with Briony.
It was pretty much as hard as I thought it would be. I'm sure there are moms who would scoff at the idea that going and doing a 3k walk that starts and finishes less than five minutes from your house could be 'difficult'... But it was a big deal for me. EVERYTHING is a big deal with you live with chronic disease + a toddler. Getting through one day at home alone with Briony always leaves me crying happy tears on the couch at the end of the day because it's such a massive accomplishment. And so I knew that this would be big.
So we woke up, had breakfast, and got ready to go. We got there without any drama at all, Briony giggling and chattering away in the backseat, and I even managed to swing through the Starbucks drive-through. We met up with the rest of Team Irma and Briony did great until about half a kilometre from the end of the walk. Her late bedtime the night before was catching up with her big time. Between my friends Kathy and Emily and I, we carried her the short distance to the end.
The entire team went for brunch after the walk and Kathy came with me to help get Briony and the stroller and all our assorted baby gear into the car (and then back out again a few blocks later). Briony didn't do great at brunch - it was SERIOUSLY nap time - but she managed to pretty much hold it together until we were finishing up.
The whole morning, I was struck by the enormity of our village. Not our literal village, of course, but the incredible people in our lives who will just step up and help without even thinking about it. While we were all there for Irma, it was good for my soul too. Some of us walk very difficult paths, but we are never walking alone. Irma saw that demonstrated physically today as we all walked together to support MS. But I saw it demonstrated in a thousand tiny and practical ways today. It makes me realize that I can absolutely do this - but not on my own. And I think that's how it should be.
As a special bonus, at one point this morning I realized that I was walking with the three girls who are coming to Lilith Fair with me this summer. It's going to be an awesome weekend, and I can hardly wait :)
Briony + Mr Whiskers at the MS Walk, hiding from paparazzi.
I've been giving a lot of thought to this whole concept of being gentler with myself. And I decided that today would be the first true day of figuring out what that might mean in my life.
This morning, I enjoyed a lovely leisurely breakfast with my mom and my friend Kathy - who braved the terrible snowy roads to spend some time with me (ahem BRIONY). These ladies are two of my very favourite people to spend time with, and it was really nice to catch up, even if it was much too short. The best part? I didn't kill myself running around and trying to make sure that my house was perfectly clean before they arrived. I decided that they would just have to love me, messy bathroom and all. I also decided to spend the last 15 minutes before they arrived just cuddling with Briony - who was in the sweetest, giggliest mood - instead of doing my makeup. And then when they got here, I didn't beat myself up about my choices. Instead, I chose to just relax and have fun - to be fully present in the moment and make the most of the time I had with them. It felt really, really good.
Spending that time with them was truly my one good thing that happened today. Well, that and the time I spent cuddling in bed with Briony this afternoon. It was supposed to be a nap, but she just wanted to play. Oh well.
And I just got off the phone to book a massage for next week Tuesday. HOORAY. I seriously haven't been since I was pregnant, and it's something that I've really been wanting (read NEEDING) to do.
I thought that was likely enough for one day. It's a very good start :)
FRIDAY: My work week ended with all kinds of drama last week. Specifically, the person in our office who is in charge of keeping our space clean decided that they shouldn't have to do it anymore - and suggested a new policy that whoever's turn it was to clean the bathroom (we all take weeks) should also mop and clean up the entrance / lobby area. I had issues with the new policy to begin with - and then I found out whose turn it was last week. I was stuck dealing with weeks (possibly months) of sullenly neglected floors. Ugh. Thankfully, after an hour of toiling on my own, Christine and Dolly both pitched in and helped. After that, a few of us went for drinks until Geoff was done work and met me for dinner. It was a super-fun ending to a really, really loooong day.
SATURDAY: Not a sleep-in day. I got up, made myself semi-presentable, and headed out to visit my herbal consultant. Long story, which I will share later. From there, I spent the afternoon having tea at my brother's place - delightful - before picking up groceries and heading home to do some laundry. Very fabulous and exciting :)
SUNDAY: REALLY not a sleep-in day. I got up at 6, started getting ready, stopping getting ready and drove Geoff to work, came home and continued to get ready, then headed to Niverville for an 8 am soundcheck. Did soundcheck, met my mom for breakfast, went to church. Are you keeping up with me so far?
I had so many Sunday highlights. The first was getting to SING. I hadn't been able to sing in church with my team in weeks - more like months. My health has just not allowed me to. But it felt SO GOOD to be back. Just walking into soundcheck, I couldn't help smiling. I can't describe why it means so much to me. It just does. I have a totally unique and powerful worship experience when I'm on stage with that group of people, and it's such a joy.
And my aunt Verna was in church, and joined my parents and I for lunch. I hadn't seen her since her heart attack scare a few weeks ago, and it just made my happy to spend some time with her. She's special to me.
And then, I got to spend some time with my parents, which I haven't done in a while. My mom and I spent a chunk of the afternoon in their hot tub, which was so nice.
And it's not over yet... In the early evening, I headed over to Kathy and Greg's place with Emily and Rocky where we enjoyed dinner together (I brought my own... sigh) and then we all made an appearance at our church's Young Adults group. Yes, people gasped in amazement... hehe. Kathy was speaking on the topic of heaven, and she did such an incredible job. I was so very proud of her, and I was encouraged and challenged by what she shared.
Finally, I set out for home. And the roads were TERRIBLE. It took me forever to get home, driving 30 km/h on very icy and blustery highways. Shudder. But I arrived safe and sound. And exhausted. And quite happily slept like a log until my blasted alarm went off in the morning.
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
