runlindsayrun

Waiting

The Blog Entry I Would Have Posted on March 19

Isn't everyone in Winnipeg this week? It's that strange time that's not quite winter anymore, but definitely not full-fleged spring yet. I'm always more anxious for summer than ever once we get to this stage. When it's super-snowy and -30 outside, I can't even imagine green grass and warm summer days. But when I can see that it's on its way...

My mom got a call this morning that her results are in. She has an appointment for tomorrow (Thursday) at 2.30 pm. And then we'll know. So strange that we've been waiting anxiously to hear when the appointment would be, and now it's something I'm dreading. When I think about tomorrow afternoon, my stomach starts doing somersaults and my hands go icy cold. And it's not even my appointment! We're just all so scared about the news. And I don't even know what to do anymore. The tests are done, so all the prayer in the world can't change what the results will be. All I can do is to be there for my mom, and to pray for peace and hope - no matter what. Again, it's almost harder to wait now that we know it's imminent.

And then there's the whole baby thing. I'm pretty much faking my way through work right now and - as horrible as it sounds - I'm coasting by on the news about my mom. No one's really questioning why I'm upset and distracted, and not really feeling well. It's the oddest blessing EVER. I know I'm not very far along yet, but it's getting really hard not to tell. Especially because I swear it's incredibly obvious. My tummy is a little rounder than usual (how is that even POSSIBLE this early? stupid genes), my breasts are growing daily, and I'm constantly queasy and irritated with everyone.

It will be easier once everyone knows. After the waiting...

Labels: Baby Talk, Family, My Life, The C Word

posted by Lindsay @ 6:34 PM