Briony's new pink sunhat has been dubbed her 'adventure hat' because when she has it on, it pretty much means that we're heading out somewhere - and everything outside is still a total adventure for our little winter baby.
Today, she donned her sunhat to join Geoff and I on a hike around a lake forty-five minutes northwest of Abbotsford. Geoff and I had been there before, and we remembered a very flat and easy hiking trail... About halfway through, we realized that 'flat and easy' didn't necessarily mean 'stroller friendly' but we made it work. I guess we'll know for next time :)
It's been nice to visit here at this pace, knowing that we have a whole month to play with (and having just been here for a ten-day visit in February). Our days are pretty relaxed and the biggest thing on our agenda is usually a walk or a small daytrip. We need to be here at the house for breakfast and dinner to take care of Geoff's dad, and that probably helps to keep our plans on the small side.
This time has been so very good for my heart. I received some news from home today that was kind of hard for me to swallow - the kind of news that you knew was coming, you thought you were totally at peace with, and yet you still had hurt feelings about it when it happened. I questioned why I found out about this now, in the middle of our vacation, but I'm realizing that the timing was perfect. I'm in a place here where I could give it this small space it needed in my day to be able to work through my hurt and disappointment, and where I could pack up those feelings and move on with my life. There's such a clarity that comes from making time to slow down.
Yes! Finally! We're not all 100% yet, but today was the first day since we arrived that we were all feeling healthy enough to actually get out and enjoy our time together. We didn't do much... Just went to the park and spent some time in the sunshine. But it was exactly what I'd been needing.
We had hoped to meet up with our friends Jason and Amy this evening, but with Briony still a little bit sick - and still solidly on Manitoba time - we decided against driving into Vancouver for dinner. Bedtime's been happening EARLY around here. It's slowly getting better, but Briony's generally ready for bed pretty shortly after we're finished dinner. It just seemed cruel too mess wiith her sleeping right now because she's been doing *so* well. We brought along her playpen and she's been going to sleep as easily as if we were at home and putting her to sleep in her crib. Awesomeness. Have I mentioned lately how much I love her?
The One Where Things Take A Little Turn For The Better
Briony has a bona fide, full-blown head cold that has given her a gurgly cough (in her throat, not her lungs, thank god) and a tiny little baby nose that is chock full of runny white snot. I'm sorry that you had to read that. But it's true. She isn't running a fever and she's eating and sleeping normally still, except that she wakes up kind of angry because of all the gurgly snot (Geoff tells me it's a 'postnasal drip' but I feel like 'gurgly snot' paints a more accurate picture, don't you?). This means that I was up with her five or six times during the night when she half-woke up and started to freak out. It took about ten seconds to get her back to sleep each time, but it made for an incredibly short night. And I still felt like death. I kicked Geoff in the back once to get him to take a turn, and asked him to get up and feed her when she woke up for the day just after 5 am (we're obviously still on Manitoba time here). I thought that this was a rather good plan for me to get another hour of sleep, but she was fussy for Geoff and I ended up getting up four times to help calm her down, effectively using up one valuable Husband Favour without getting any extra sleep to show for it. I hate when that happens. I wish I could say that I handled the situation with love and grace, but my poor husband was on the receiving end of some kind of ugly Lindsayness this morning. It's *so* hard when everyone is sick at the same time.
Well before 7 am, I'd given up and jumped in the shower before making breakfast for the whole crew here. After breakfast, Geoff went back to bed (lucky bastard) and Briony and I walked to go get groceries. We got home around lunchtime, and after making lunch for the gang, I convinced Geoff to get dressed and join Briony and I outside to eat. By the time we finished eating, he declared that he thought he'd live and we loaded up Briony to run a few errands. When we got back, it was naptime for Briony, and Geoff settled in on the couch to be within earshot of her while I took a caramel macchiato iced blended coffee (which the lady behind me in line noted was worth only three Weight Watchers points, hehe) and my new issue of Vanity Fair outside in the sunshine (oh, and the phone - I talked to my mom for a bit). It was glorious. Oh, how I've missed OUTSIDE.
Then it was inside to make dinner, and here I am catching up on blogging the not-too-exciting details of our first few days on the west coast. It looks to be a quiet and uneventful week, and I'm pretty okay with that. We'll probably head into Vancouver again at some point - and we're pondering a half-day shopping trip to Washington - but mostly we're planning on lots of walking around and hanging out.
Geoff is still feeling sick, but a heck of a lot better than he's been since we got here. Briony is still our little snot queen, and fussier than usual, but even a fussy Briony is probably still happier than most babies, so we're surviving. I still have a small heart attack every time I hear that cough, though. And I'm hanging in there. My fibro is better than yesterday, but worse than usual. I don't think I'm running a fever anymore, and it's pretty much just my throat that's still bothering me.
Here's hoping that our whole little family wakes up healthy tomorrow. Hey, I think I've said that before recently... Sigh. Anyway. I am truly grateful for this little bit of progess we've experienced today. This afternoon felt so much better, like we're all on the same team again. Go Team Wright.
The One Where Marilyn Leaves & Lindsay Gets Emotional
As the title for this post so subtly suggests, today was the day when Marilyn left for Philadelphia - she'll be spending the next two weeks in Pennsylvania and Delaware visiting her siblings and attending her nursing school's fifty year reunion. Pretty awesome stuff, if you ask me.
We got up early to get ready to bring her to the airport. Really early. Like two hours earlier than necessary due to some sort of malfunction with Lindsay's brain that prevented her from realizing that her cell phone was still set to Manitoba time. I wish I could tell you that I realized this immediately and went back to bed. But I didn't. I woke up Geoff, who woke up Briony and got her dressed and fed while I was in the shower. I didn't realize my mistake until after said shower (and makeup and hair styling) - and there's really no turning back at that point. You can't really explain to a five month old that mommy made a mistake and that it's time to go back to bed. And so Briony and I played and Geoff went back to bed to catch another hour of sleep. Argh.
We got Marilyn to the airport with time to spare, then headed in the direction of Granville Island on a little mission for my brother Aaron and my soon to be sister-in-law Caitlin. Cait has been accepted to study at Emily Carr (which is located in Granville Island) beginning this September, so they're going to be official residents of Vancouver in just a few short months. Amusingly, neither of them has actually been to Vancouver, and Geoff and I were having a difficult time explaining the sights and sounds of Granville to them - so we spent the morning walking around and taking some pictures for them (and chatting up some Emily Carr employees to find out about nearby housing opportunities).
It was a gorgeous place to grab a morning cup of coffee and read the paper, and we did both inside a solarium attached to the main market and overlooking the harbour. After our self-guided little walking tour, we did some shopping at the market and took our little picnic lunch over to Stanley Park. Cheesy, yes. Fabulous, YES. We completed 'Aaron & Cait Day' by stopping in at Ikea to do some presearch (yup, I made it up) for our big upcoming bridal shower shopping spree.
Ah, yes. I promised you earlier that I would get emotional. Truth be told, I was weepy on and off all morning. Granville Island was just as cool as I'd remembered and the school was so quirky and Stanley Park is obviously beautiful, and as we were walking around, I realized more than ever how much Aaron & Cait are going to love it here. I could see them sitting at the next table over from us in the solarium, taking in the view, and giggling excitedly as it begins to sink in that THEY LIVE HERE. They're going to love it here. And I'm pretty sure that - once they've spent four years here - they're never going to move back home. And as happy as I am for them, today marked the first day that I was in mourning a little bit for me. I know that we'll see them probably more than anyone else, but I'm going to miss having them close by.
We were back in Abbotsford in time for me to make dinner for our little family plus Alan. By this time, Geoff was feeling lousy again and Briony was developing a scary chunky-sounding cough. As for me, I was as sick as everyone else - but very aware that moms don't really get to be sick, so I took care of everyone else and then collapsed into bed early, praying for a very deep sleep. Or death. SUPER AWESOME.
Yeah. No luck with my wishes and prayers that I'd have a healthy husband in the morning. Instead, Marilyn helped me get Briony ready and we headed off the church - just the girls.
It was actually a really great service. I've always enjoyed the church Geoff's parents attend out here, and this was an especially interesting service because this weekend marked the one-year anniversary of their sanctuary floor collapsing during a Starfield concert. I had so much respect for the church's attitude toward the event even though it was apparent that emotions were still raw for the people who witnessed the tragedy. In place of a sermon, there was a lady there who had been the most critically injured last year. She was paralyzed after falling through the floor and told that she had no hope of recovery (she was rated one level of paralysis below Christopher Reeves). She kept on telling the doctors that she was going to walk again, and the doctors kept on pulling her husband aside and expressing their concern that there was something mentally wrong with her because she could not accept the fact that walking was not even a remote possiblity for her. And today, one year later, she walked into the church where the accident happened and shared about her journey. She had such a beautiful, positive spirit and such a great outlook on life - something bad happened, that's too bad, now let's move on and see how God can use that bad thing to make good things happen around me.
After church, Marilyn and Briony and I stopped in at Geoff's sister Carole's place and saw their whole family for a bit (minus our nephew Justin). Then it was back home for lunch and a pretty quiet day. Geoff slept, Alan did his thing, Marilyn packed and gave us some instructions for while she was away, and Briony and I hung out and went for a walk.
At the end of the day, Geoff was still sick, I was starting to feel a little iffy, and Briony's nose was getting plugged up. AWESOME. (Is my sarcasm coming through?)
Leaving on a trip - and returning back home - always makes me feel a little bit strange. It's that feeling where you don't really know if you're coming or going. Especially when you're up before the sun in an effort to make it to the airport on time. But god bless Air Canada for having a direct Winnipeg to Vancouver flight that leaves a whole hour later than WestJet's. Because of that, this morning was a lot easier to stomach.
We got ready and to the airport without a hitch (other than the moment about three minutes after we left the house when I realized that I'd forgotten one of my bags at home, but we left early enough - and live close enough to the airport - that it wasn't a big deal to go back and retrieve it). My dad graciously volunteered to drive in and take us to the airport, which made the whole process a heck of a lot easier. I'm all for hybrid taxis, except when you need to fit two adults, a baby, and a month's worth of luggage inside.
Briony did *great* on the plane again. I sighed a ginormous sigh of relief when she fell asleep two minutes before the plane started moving, and she woke up again around 45 minutes before the end of the flight - just enough time to change her, feed her, and prepare for the descent.
Marilyn met us at the airport, and we spent the rest of the morning and afternoon in the city before heading out to Abbotsford. Briony's spent a fair amount of time with Marilyn - a week when she was two weeks old, and ten days around two months ago - but you never know when it comes to babies... It was another answered prayer when Briony smiled at her without any hesitation at all. Just seeing Marilyn's face confirmed that we absolutely made the right decision in coming out here so soon after our last visit. That grandmother-granddaughter bond is something very, very special - and Briony is lucky enough to have *two* grandmas who are head-over-heels crazy about her (and willing to share her).
Oh, did I mention that Geoff is still sick? He's been feeling disgusting since Wednesday night, and after we arrived in Abbotsford, we didn't see much of him at all for the rest of the day. Always a little interesting when you're playing single parent at your in-laws' house. Crossing my fingers that he's feeling better in the morning.
Geoff, Briony, and I leave for Vancouver in the morning and we'll be out on the west coast until May 20. I'm really looking forward to it... Of course, it will be tough to be away from my family for that long - especially my mom - but it will be really good family time for the three of us.
We've had so many answered prayers about this trip, from finding a really amazing seat sale to having a friend offer to let us borrow a jolly jumper, an exersaucer, and a gym for Briony to use while we're there (and another friend dropped it all off at Geoff's parents' place last night so it's ready to go when we get there). They are her absolute favourite toys, but they're all slightly different than what we have at home. She's going to be *so* excited! I can hardly wait to watch her explore these new toys :)
Here's my list of things you can pray for: - That Geoff and I will stay healthy-ish (he's experiencing some serious allergy symptoms after working on the yard on Wednesday and I'm fighting an RA/fibro flare-up) - That all our packing, etc goes smoothly today - That Briony will do really well on the plane again - That we'll arrive safely and without incident in Abbotsford tomorrow - That Briony will adjust well to her 'new' surroundings (and the time change!) - That Marilyn will travel safely out east - That Geoff and I will have lots of grace and patience when dealing with his dad - That we'll have lots of warm and sunny weather, of course!
I'm specifically concerned about my own health, outside of the RA/fibro junk that's been going on. I've been seeing a massage therapist here in Winnipeg who's been trying to help with all the damage done to my back, shoulders, and arms as a result of having such a big baby to take care of. I'm hoping that we'll be able to find someone good in Abbotsford so I can continue my treatment, because I'm just starting to feel some benefit now. I'm also waiting for test results to find out what's been making me so sick over the last two or three weeks. My doctor ordered a massive blood test this past Tuesday to check all kinds of organ functions, etc but I won't get results until *next* week Tuesday - and I won't be having the abdominal ultrasound he ordered until June or July. I know these are all just precautions, but it's hard not to worry sometimes. I just wish that I felt better. And I want to find out what's causing me to feel this way so that we can fix it. But I'm a little concerned that - if the blood work identifies a problem - there's likely nothing that can be done before we get home at the end of May.
We don't have a whole lot planned for the next two weeks - just hanging out in Abbotsford and taking care of Geoff's dad while Marilyn is away. We have a few friends we'd like to see, but I think that we'll mostly just occupy ourselves with lots of walks and family time. Marilyn returns on May 11, which is also the day that my two new courses start, so we'll be a lot busier after that. We're planning to spend four days in Victoria with Rob, Vicky, and baby Ava around May Long Weekend, which will be one of the highlights of our trip. Oh, and of course, there's the big Ikea shopping spree for Aaron & Cait's shower. (They really wanted to be registered at Ikea, so we've collected money from the shower guests ahead of time and they 'registered' by marking up a catalogue, so now I get to go to Ikea and get as much for them as I can and wrap it before the shower on May 31. They are *so* excited.)
In the meantime... We're already checked in for our flight tomorrow morning and my dad has graciously volunteered to do an early-morning airport run (we had a heck of a time fitting all our luggage + baby gear into a taxi last time, and we're bringing along a play pen this time). All we really have left to do is to pack and time care of a few last-minute details.
The stress I'm experiencing right now is totally my own doing - trying to pack and spring clean at the same time. Yesterday was Laundry Day, but I also managed to top-to-bottom clean the kitchen and bathroom, and I dusted and cleaned all the non-carpeted floors in the house. Not everything I'd hoped to accomplish, but probably the most important stuff. I just really, really hate knowing that I'm coming home to a dirty house. It's positively magical to come home after a trip and walk into a sparkly clean house. But I know that I'll need to let go of some of the things on my 'want' list... The people who are housesitting and checking in here will just need to deal with a little bit of dust :)
I'm choosing to laugh about this. Well, I'm *trying* to.
I caved and drove my car to go get a few groceries tonight. Really, being environmentally conscious is not just about one day (just like you should be loving and do nice things for your husband on days other than February 14) - and so I swore I'd make it up by walking for groceries the whole time we're in Abbotsford. Anyway. It was late and I was tired. And I totally locked my keys in my car.
I figured out that this is why people get to know their neighbours. With no one close by to sit in our house for 10 minutes while Briony slept and Geoff brought me the extra key on his scooter, I was forced to call a cab to drive me home and then back to the grocery store to retrieve my car. Which essentially means that I drove to the store TWICE on Earth Day - the day I was really wanting to not use my car at all.
A few choice words spring to mind. But I'm really honestly trying to laugh about it. I'll let you know how that goes.
It seems so small, but we celebrated today by going for a walk with Briony to pick up FREE Starbucks coffee (all you need to do is bring in your travel mug today).
I didn't plan this as an 'earth day' activity, but I have an appointment for a pedicure at Tiber River tonight - they make all their own natural products and use nail polish that's free of nasty toxins. That's my kind of Earth Day! hehe. I'll be walking there because it's just a few blocks from our house. I'd hoped to walk or ride my bike to my massage appointment today (I was really trying to not use my car at all today), but I'm too flared up. That sucks. I hope that Mother Earth understands.
I have to say, one of the best things about the neighbourhood we moved to is how little we actually need to drive our car. We regularly keep it parked for days at a time, relying on our feet and Geoff's scooter for transportation. It's been such a learning curve and an adjustment to think of walking first and driving last. Growing up in the country, it wasn't an option to walk or take public transportation. I'm happy that Briony will have a chance to grow up with a slightly different perspective.
So what else is on our Earth Day agenda? I'm currently researching and planning the logistics of my very first organic vegetable garden that I hope to plant when we return at the end of May.
If you have a few spare minutes today, check out one of the many quizzes available online to estimate that ecological footprint your lifestyle is leaving on our planet. There's a very simple one here. It's not a guilt thing... Just some food for thought.
What small things do you do at home or at work to help be a little kinder to the planet?
The silver lining of my crazy day yesterday was getting to slow down and spend some time with Val, Mady, and my mom. Here, Mady and Grandma thought they'd see how Anica's hat looked on my baby girl...
My day today really started last night, when Briony and I arrived home and woke up Geoff around 8 pm (he'd been working a series of night shifts). This meant - of course - that he was totally rested and wide awake while our days were just winding down... I stayed up a little later than I probably should have, just hanging out and catching up - a calculated decision, knowing that he'd be home on Tuesday and Wednesday to help with Briony. I should have known better.
The phone rang at 6.05 this morning, pretty much begging him to come into work because they were so short-staffed. He was gone by 6.15. Briony kind of woke up while he was getting ready, and by 6.38 our day had officially begun - a full hour or two earlier than usual. Sigh.
Geoff's unexpected shift meant that I was on my own today - a day that included a few appointments that I'd lined up specifically because I knew he was off today. In the end, my mom and my aunt filled in and were very happy to take care of Briony. I even got to have lunch with Anica (who turned nine years old today), which was kind of a neat little surprise.
But I showed up at my massage appointment this afternoon only to find out that they had me booked for the same time TOMORROW. Never mind the card I have in my purse that says today's date. And there was nothing they could do to fit me in. Double sigh.
The silver lining was that I now had time to go for groceries without Briony before I saw my doctor. But then my doctor was in a *huge* hurry, and the lady working at the lab downstairs was *clearly* in training. It was a no good very bad blood test. And I'm on a waiting list for all my other tests until June or July. (This is all going back to me getting so suddenly super-sick two weeks ago. Good alliteration, Lindsay.)
In the midst of it all, Geoff and I have literally been playing phone tag ALL DAY. I have something like eleven missed calls from him, and I've called him at least half as many times. We've actually managed to talk for around ten seconds twice today - once he had to go because of an emergency at work, and once my doctor walked in to start my appointment. I actually managed to parallel park on Corydon (successfully) while I was on hold with his unit assistant, which I think deserves some sort of honorable mention.
Anyway. I'm very aware that none of this is earth shattering. Just a tiring, frustrating day. Fortunately, I already know how this day ends. Geoff will come home. And then Amber, Dolly, and Christine are coming over with Starbucks for a little girls night at our place. Due to the events of today, my house will not be clean. But I'm starting to realize how little that truly matters.
There has been much debate and discussion among friends and family about exactly how the Floodway works - why it protects the city of Winnipeg and why it does so at such a cost to areas south of the city. I was searching online today and I found this very simple - almost cartoon-like - description that cleared it all up.
Just in case you cared :)
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you who are sandbagging, closed in, or awaiting news of an evacuation this weekend.
My baby girl turns five months old today. How the heck did that happen?! Seriously. I want to know. It blows my mind a little bit. This past month was all about improving on and perfecting the milestones she reached for the first time last month. It's amazing to me how much she's taking in, and how much she learns every single day.
And how are we celebrating this auspicious occasion of Briony's five month 'birthday'? By teething, of course. My normally happy baby has been crying on and off all day today. Here's hoping this is all very temporary - especially because I can't find any real teeth buds in her mouth yet.
New Things This Month: - Standing up in her exersaucer, thinking she's a big girl - Constantly trying to sit up (not successful on her own yet) - Lots of jolly jumper tricks, and jumping so high that she's topping out the spring - Trying desperately to sit up (not successful yet) - Fussing when a favourite toy is taken away or dropped on the ground - Lots of rolling, and getting stuck on her face a little less often - Lots more hair growing in (and it's *so* blonde!) - So much talking and babbling and giggling... - No teeth yet, but lots and lots of chewing and biting - Discovering hair - hers and mine - and always wanting to play with it - Successfully grabbing mommy's glasses off her face - LOVING peekaboo and dancing with mommy and daddy - Taking her pacifier in and out of her mouth - Trying to feed herself by grabbing the bottle and pulling it to her mouth, and holding onto it - Squealing when she recognizes someone she likes - Briony's first Easter
Favourite Moments: - Watching her explore and take in more and more of the world around her - Walking around our neighbourhood with the stroller (yay SPRING!) - Briony charming everyone with her smiles and giggles at our Easter gatherings - Five month photo shoot with Auntie Jessica and Chloe Looking Forward To: Returning to BC in less than two weeks and spending *lots* of time outside.
I *heart* British music. Who doesn't. But for some reason, this week it's been ALL about my British girls. The newest Lily Allen and Adele (one of my very, very favourites) have been in particularly high rotation chez Lindsay. They're just brilliant albums, start to finish.
So this got me thinking about my love of all things British. Of course, there's the whole Shakespeare thing (yup, English major here). And the tea (mmm... tea). And the accent (ridiculously sexy). And the foggy, rainy weather (so poetic). And the brainless chick lit (which somehow feels a tiny bit smarter just because it's set in England).
I'd continue, but we don't have all day here.
In high school, had an ongoing joke with my old friend Tamra about my love of British boys. I assured her that I would marry one someday. I didn't, but I came damn close - my father-in-law grew up in London, making Geoff officially half British. Life works out kind of hilariously sometimes.
In university - just months before her wedding - my friend Erin and I realized that we'd never had a chance to go on vacation together. We quickly began to make plans to go away during my Reading Week, and checked flight prices to all the typical Mexican vacation spots. We were excited to spend an entire week in our bikinis... Until we spotted a seat sale to London. And so the decision was made. I acquired a passport in record time (a record that was later broken by myself when I needed to renew said passport for our honeymoon) - and off we went to the land of Jane Austen. It was an amazing trip. We saw so much, it rained the ENTIRE time, and I totally cried on the plane on the way home. London just felt RIGHT.
And it still felt right when Geoff and I visited again last year. It's just one of those cities in the world where I feel absolutely right at home. I would happily spend all of my vacations there, hustling through busy streets with an umbrella, teetering along cobblestone in too-high heels, and pausing for afternoon tea.
I am totally British in my heart.
Anyway. That's what I was thinking about, sitting here in Winnipeg on a positively London-ish cloudy Thursday afternoon, drinking tea and listening to Adele.
-
Speaking of Adele... I know this song is older, but it's still one of my favourites. I think it's one of the most beautifully written and performed songs ever. Yup, I said EVER :)
I've been walking In the same way as I did Missing out The cracks in the pavement And tutting my heel And strutting my feet "Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?" "No and thank you, please Madam I ain't lost, just wandering"
Round my hometown Memories are fresh Round my hometown Ooh, the people I've met Are the wonders of my world Are the wonders of my world Are the wonders of this world Are the wonders of my world
I like it in the city When the air Is so thick and opaque I love to see everybody In short skirts Shorts and shades I like it in the city When two worlds collide You get the people And the government Everybody taking Different sides
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit Shows that we are united Shows that we ain't gonna take it Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit Shows that we are united
Round my hometown Memories are fresh Round my hometown Ooh the people I've met Are the wonders of my world Are the wonders of my world Are the wonders of this world Are the wonders of my world
I just sent in my final assignment for the Ethics in Public Relations course I've been taking this winter. I am *so* proud of myself :)
My next two courses start on May 11 (History of Public Relations & Research and Evaluation), then I have one Case Studies course left in September - and then I graduate with a completely unnecessary but still very cool Certificate in Public Relations from the University of Victoria, that will hopefully provide an infinitely more practical complement to my Bachelor of Arts in English and Theatre...
WHY WHY WHY must life always follow the pattern of two steps forward, one step back? I was seriously on a roll last week... And now I feel like I'm back where I started. Well, actually, I *wish* I felt like that. I made the fatal mistake of stepping on a scale this past weekend, and I have *gained* another four pounds. What the heck?!
It's amazing how one measly number can suck so much life out of a person. I had to fight hard to keep things in perspective yesterday. I had to fight even harder to get out of bed, wash my hair, get dressed, and put on a little bit of makeup. I did. And then we packed up Briony and went for a walk. But I had to fight.
Today was a little better - I had a playdate with Jessica, Chloe, and my mom to look forward to - but we went on a walk in the afternoon and a stranger asked when my baby was due. I'm pretty sure that question is up to around 50/50 right now, worse than right after she was born. I'd say that it's a completely legitimate estimate that whenever I leave the house to go and do anything, there's a 50/50 chance that a stranger will comment on what they assume to be my pregnant tummy. Some days, I can laugh it off. Other days, it's really, really hard. Today, it makes me want to give up completely. I want to wipe off my makeup, change into sweats, and settle in on my couch for some really good comfort food and an epic self-pity fest. I won't. But it makes me want to.
Of course, this is all hitting when I'm flared up and in lots of pain from just normal everyday activities (read: unable to do any workout more substantial than going for a long walk). I'd *love* to be pouring this frustration into workout energy right now. Maybe tomorrow.
And that's where things are at.
Please don't read this as a 'poor me' kind of post. I'm just documenting how I feel. I am fully aware that it's all worth it because I have a beautiful baby girl, I know how blessed I am that I was able to carry a baby to term, and I understand that it takes a year or two to feel like you have your body mostly back after a baby. I know all of that. I really do. I'm just having a few rough days here. And I think that's allowed.
Some weeks, I really have to dig to find a secret I connect with. This week, there were four - and I just couldn't pick because they are each so uniquely special.
The internet is abuzz this morning over an article that appeared in this morning's New York Times entitled Ban the Breast Pump.
It's an interesting opinion piece, and worth a quick read. The comments people are making about it are even more interesting. I'm obviously biased, as a mommy who breastfed and pumped for only a couple of weeks before making the switch to formula. It was the right decision for both Briony and I. And while I get a little more comfortable with my decision every week, I still feel awfully defensive. It was nice to see a piece that wasn't necessarily pro-formula, but pro-do what's right for you and your baby.
What's so fascinating about the comments is the outrage from breastfeeding moms who feel they're under attack. I didn't see this article that way at all (though the author was obviously being inflammatory for the purposes of stimulating real discussion about this). You can just tell which camp is used to being attacked all the time - hehe. I don't think anyone is saying that we should go back to the 1950s and get rid of breastfeeding. There are obviously benefits. But I think we need to get over our issues about giving it up when it's just not working anymore - and start accepting that 'not working anymore' could be a lifestyle or psychologically-based decision for new moms.
It's just like everything about being a mom, isn't it? You feel judged over the amount of weight you gain while you're pregnant (or don't). You feel judged over whether you chose to deliver with a midwife or an OB. You feel judged over your pain control decisions. You feel judged over whether or not you have a c-section. You feel judged over whether or not you have your baby on a schedule. And then, of course, there's this epic battle between breastfeeding and formula.
The joke is that BOTH sides of each of these 'debates' can feel equally attacked. And in so many cases, we don't *choose* sides - they are chosen for us by circumstances, by our babies, by our bodies. So why can't we all just get along?
In case you didn't catch that, that was the sound of Lindsay relaxing on the couch for an entirely lazy and uneventful Sunday night (the best kind, in my opinion).
It started with America's Funniest Home Videos. Yep, that's right. I can't help it that I find other people's injuries HILARIOUS. When Geoff realized what I was watching, I saw judgment in his eyes, but it took less than five minutes for him to join me on the couch - and I swear he laughed at those funny, clumsy people louder than I did.
Laughter made way for tears because I simply cannot watch an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition without crying. No one can. It is very, very evil that way.
We took a break from the television to be productive for a while, until I realized that one of my very favourite TLC specials was on: the women who didn't know they were pregnant until they were full-term and in labour. Please don't ask me why I love it so much. I have no idea why. Perhaps it's the Rescue 911-style reenactments by people who aspired to be 'real' actors but were not pretty or talented enough to succeed. Maybe it's because when they interview the actual people, they all have the same hillbilly accent. It could have something to do with the voiceover guy and his entirely predictable script. Or maybe the show's impressive moustache count. And you can't overlook the fact that the actors are always about a thousand times more attractive than the actual people (yes, A THOUSAND TIMES). Now to add to my delight, this episode featured a lady who didn't know she was pregnant... with TWINS! Life is so awesome sometimes.
After Briony went to bed, Geoff and I caught up on the Cake Wrecks blog. Talk about icing on the cake... hehe. I posted a few highlights at the bottom of this post.
Did anything truly responsible or productive happen? NO.
Did we spend time laughing until our stomachs hurt? YES.
I just got my third individual assignment back for the course I'm taking... And it's the highest mark yet! The instructor had nothing but great things to say about my paper. Just one left before the end of the course, but I'm feeling *much* more confident than when I started.
It's important to note that I am literally giving myself a gold star for this one. My mom gave me two sheets of shiny little gold star stickers the last time I saw her. I love my mom.
It's also important to note that the whole 'gold star' thing totally made me think of Christine and Dolly... Back when the three of us worked together, we were feeling very unappreciated at work - and so Christine bought a huge pile of stickers, and we would present them to each other whenever we saw someone doing great work or needing some encouragement. No one gives me stickers at home... But now I have gold stars! And you can bet that I'll be using them, hehe :)
Amazing how humans thrive on that kind of affirmation. I've noticed that I do that for Briony. When she rolls over or tries something new, I'll clap and cheer for her, and her little face just lights up the entire room. She's *so* proud of herself. At four months old. No wonder we all have just a tiny little bit of a complex by the time we're adults.
So my Friday 'I'm starting to feel better' post may have been a tiny bit premature. I got sicker again that evening, and fought symptoms on and off again all weekend. We think we *might* know what it was (nothing contagious, which is a relief when you have a small baby at home), but it's still just running its course. I'm finding it incredibly frustrating, but at the same time I'm smart enough to be grateful that I'm 90% better and just kind of tired now.
At the same time, Briony's sleeping is getting kind of funky and that SUCKS. This is by no means a complaint - I know that we've been blessed with a baby who caught on to this whole 'sleeping through the night' thing early and easily - but here's the deal... Consider this a little mystery for you experienced mommies out there :)
We have a pretty solid sleep routine happening over at the Wright residence. Briony typically goes to bed sometime between 9.00 and 9.30, and she wakes up somewhere between 8.00 and 9.00 the next morning. Last week, she was starting to get up a little earlier - more like 7.30 - but I was obviously fine with that. Now she's still getting up early - between 7.00 and 7.30 - but she's also starting to do this strange half-waking-up thing during the night. A couple of times per night, she'll start crying with her eyes closed. All it takes to calm her down is to stick a pacifier in her mouth. She stops crying immediately, and is solidly back to sleep within a minute or two, so I can pluck out the pacifier (I have this thing with her sleeping with it) and go back to bed.
Again, not complaining, but it's been hard to get used to that kind of interrupted sleep again, and I'm definitely feeling my fibro symptoms more since this started. Any deep thoughts or words of wisdom would be appreciated. Right now, I'm operating under the assumption that either (a) this will go away as mysteriously as it began, or (b) it will get worse and will become obvious that it's teething or readiness for solid food or something very, very normal.
Before you ask: - We haven't started her on solid foods yet. Our big girl is still very happy with her regular amount of formula, so I haven't seen a need to mess around with that yet. - We're still swaddling her to sleep at night, and she still *loves* it. - She's still drooling and chewing a lot, but no sign of any teeth on the way any time soon. - Her daytime napping has remained totally normal and as routine as my mostly-unscheduled baby can be (which, for the record, is becoming remarkably routine). - She's still normal and happy and Briony-ish during the day.
Yesterday, I was sick. Really sick. Sicker than I've been in a long, long time. And it hit me for the first time that mommies don't get to call in sick. THAT SUCKS. So why is this a Friday Smile? Well, because although mommies don't get to call in sick - sometimes, if they're very lucky, they can call *their* mommies. My mom was here by 10 am and spent the day taking care of Briony so that I could take care of myself (and even cleaned up my kitchen). Thank you, Mom :)
I had another rough night, but I'm starting to feel better today - though I'm nowhere near 100% yet. It's Geoff's last shift until next week Sunday, so I know that if I can muddle through until 8 pm tonight, it will all be okay.
Briony is napping in her swing, both arms wrapped around one of her many stuffed friends, which is pretty much the cutest thing ever. Just before her nap, she was getting especially giggly and I was tickling her. It was getting to the point where I only had to smile at her and wiggle my fingers, and she'd be totally lost in fits of giggles. I love this kid. (Even though she totally puked on me this morning. SO gross.)
She fell asleep, and I was just settling onto the couch when the doorbell rang. Mr Postman brought me my brand-new fancy pink Chi iron. YAY.
Funny how it's the smallest things that can make you smile. Things are definitely looking up...
I've been giving a lot of thought to this whole concept of being gentler with myself. And I decided that today would be the first true day of figuring out what that might mean in my life.
This morning, I enjoyed a lovely leisurely breakfast with my mom and my friend Kathy - who braved the terrible snowy roads to spend some time with me (ahem BRIONY). These ladies are two of my very favourite people to spend time with, and it was really nice to catch up, even if it was much too short. The best part? I didn't kill myself running around and trying to make sure that my house was perfectly clean before they arrived. I decided that they would just have to love me, messy bathroom and all. I also decided to spend the last 15 minutes before they arrived just cuddling with Briony - who was in the sweetest, giggliest mood - instead of doing my makeup. And then when they got here, I didn't beat myself up about my choices. Instead, I chose to just relax and have fun - to be fully present in the moment and make the most of the time I had with them. It felt really, really good.
Spending that time with them was truly my one good thing that happened today. Well, that and the time I spent cuddling in bed with Briony this afternoon. It was supposed to be a nap, but she just wanted to play. Oh well.
And I just got off the phone to book a massage for next week Tuesday. HOORAY. I seriously haven't been since I was pregnant, and it's something that I've really been wanting (read NEEDING) to do.
I thought that was likely enough for one day. It's a very good start :)
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
