Four Steps Back
WHY WHY WHY must life always follow the pattern of two steps forward, one step back? I was seriously on a roll last week... And now I feel like I'm back where I started. Well, actually, I *wish* I felt like that. I made the fatal mistake of stepping on a scale this past weekend, and I have *gained* another four pounds. What the heck?!It's amazing how one measly number can suck so much life out of a person. I had to fight hard to keep things in perspective yesterday. I had to fight even harder to get out of bed, wash my hair, get dressed, and put on a little bit of makeup. I did. And then we packed up Briony and went for a walk. But I had to fight.
Today was a little better - I had a playdate with Jessica, Chloe, and my mom to look forward to - but we went on a walk in the afternoon and a stranger asked when my baby was due. I'm pretty sure that question is up to around 50/50 right now, worse than right after she was born. I'd say that it's a completely legitimate estimate that whenever I leave the house to go and do anything, there's a 50/50 chance that a stranger will comment on what they assume to be my pregnant tummy. Some days, I can laugh it off. Other days, it's really, really hard. Today, it makes me want to give up completely. I want to wipe off my makeup, change into sweats, and settle in on my couch for some really good comfort food and an epic self-pity fest. I won't. But it makes me want to.
Of course, this is all hitting when I'm flared up and in lots of pain from just normal everyday activities (read: unable to do any workout more substantial than going for a long walk). I'd *love* to be pouring this frustration into workout energy right now. Maybe tomorrow.
And that's where things are at.
Please don't read this as a 'poor me' kind of post. I'm just documenting how I feel. I am fully aware that it's all worth it because I have a beautiful baby girl, I know how blessed I am that I was able to carry a baby to term, and I understand that it takes a year or two to feel like you have your body mostly back after a baby. I know all of that. I really do. I'm just having a few rough days here. And I think that's allowed.
Labels: Mommy Stuff
posted by Lindsay @ 5:48 PM
5 Comments:
It's very much allowed, my dear. I can't tell you how many times I've hit that wall. (((hugs)))
Feel it all girl - that's the best path to healing. Thinking of you!
Be like a duck and let the comments roll off your back and land on the ground!Glad you can do walks outside - Spring:)
It's absolutely allowed - but I definately want to encourage you by saying that what you are experiencing is totally normal post-partum stuff. My weight was all over the place after James - shifting hormones (DRASTIC shifting hormones), nursing, not nursing, body healing, new life structure, all of these things take their toll. It might seem depressing, but in reality, most moms don't have the luxury of their bodies just "bouncing back". Mine just bounced, for about a year and a half. THEN I noticed things going back to their NEW normal. Shirts started fitting again. I found myself going back to my favourite stores again, and fitting into a size smaller. Life was back. Hang in there. And as a side note, if you are really feeling down, do not hesitate to go visit your Dr. about it. There is lots of depression on the Kroeker side of the family, and I had to be on some meds for a couple months to get back on track. Love ya!
I hear ya girl. It's so tough for us. I never thought I'd feel this way about my body, but I too am having difficulty dealing with the drastic change.
My scale was also a little higher after this weekend (lets attribute it partly to Easter gatherings), but also to the fact that our bodies are working at getting back to norm. So nothing is consistent these days. A few weeks back, I had a little girl in the family tell me "You still look like you have a baby in your tummy". I almost cried.
Stay strong. You're not alone. Things will get better.
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