What you’re reading right now is my 1,999 blog post on runlindsayrun.blogspot.com. I KNOW. It's hard for me to believe too. The craziest thing is that while that number kind of boggles my mind, it’s not even my total blogging count - because I used to blog somewhere else and never imported those posts.
I’ve been watching the number creep higher and higher and a few weeks ago, I decided that NOW would be the time for change.
And so, dear readers, with this post I am announcing the end of runlindsayrun.blogspot.com. (I know. It makes me a little bit sad too.)
But like every ending, this also marks the very exciting beginning of something new: runlindsayrun.ca.
I hope you’ll all join me there! All my posts, photos, videos, links - and most importantly, your comments - have already made the move. So even though it looks different (and I’m still moving in, unpacking, and hanging up pictures), I hope it will immediately feel friendly to you.
Briony got sick on Saturday - nothing life-threatening or earth-shattering, just a typical January cold.
Having a sick baby is never fun, but it took a turn for the SUCK this weekend when Geoff was scheduled to work nights on Sunday and I got *just* sick enough to have all my fibro symptoms seriously flare up last night. Briony + I had a rough night and a rough (early) morning, and I was just about in tears thinking about how we would manage today.
Then Geoff stopped and got the groceries I needed on his way home from work this morning.
Then Katie offered to come and play with Briony for a couple of hours.
Then Amber agreed to stop by after work to help me with Briony's dinner + bedtime.
It's still a difficult day, but I am completely overwhelmed by how our little family is blessed with people who love us and help us function. It's the only way to successfully parent with a chronic illness. I actually think it's the only way to successfully parent PERIOD.
It's definitely taking a village over here. And our little village ROCKS.
Despite a sick baby. Despite still having no energy. Despite my neverending to do list.
I am feeling SO inspired today. I think it's a combination of doing Kal Barteski's Nurture Your Creativity class again + watching this TED talk with Elizabeth Gilbert this morning.
I just want to WRITE.
It's so hard to describe. It comes from my very core and I wish to the stars that someone would just start making deposits into my bank account for no reason whatsoever, and give me the freedom to just write words - no clients, no deadlines, no invoicing - just the words that are inside of me that need some time + space + energy to come out.
Reality sucks away my inspiration sometimes. OFTEN times.
Lately, I feel like I'm just FULL of ideas + creativity + inspiration, but it's being blocked on every level and I JUST CAN'T GET IT OUT. It's been messing with me. It feels like this giant mass inside of me and it's so uncomfortable to live with it... It wants to get out and be free. I cried about it today.
I don't expect it to make sense to a lot of people. Either this will sound completely reasonable to you, or you're going to call me and suggest medication.
I really need to figure out what to do about this.
Argh.
Sorry. Can't resize this one. It's just going to look stupid for a while :)
I once described Briony like this: She lives life as if she's constantly being followed by hidden cameras, auditioning for Glee.
I don't think I've ever spoken truer words. This kid cracks us up CONSTANTLY.
Today at breakfast (following our family's 'goatmeal dance party' - eating oatmeal and dancing to Michael Jackson and other 90s goodness), she perfected her 'fake surprised' look when Geoff said something, complete with a super dramatic double take + wide eyes + hands over her mouth. AMAZING.
Nessie, one of my fellow Chronic Babes - and a fellow blogger - shared this verse on her blog today...
God will let you laugh again. You’ll raise the roof with shouts of joy. Job 8.21
The truth in those words just cut straight to my core tonight. My eyes immediately filled up with tears - tears of hope and of longing. Because I believe in my heart that my day is coming. And I believe that it's coming SOON.
I don't know if I've mentioned it here (yet), but I'm a little bit addicted to Groupon.
It's a fabulous site that emails you every day with ridiculous deals in your city, and you can click to buy them and print gift certificates to redeem within 6 months to a year. We're also signed up to see deals for Vancouver + Seattle, where we're planning to travel this spring. So far, I've snagged a few fabulous deals - including 2 adult tickets to IMAX with popcorn and drinks for $20 and $20 worth of food for a few local restaurants that we love for $10. Pure awesome for this mama on a budget :)
Here's the shameless plug part... If you sign up using my referral link and purchase a Groupon (for Winnipeg or anywhere else), I get credits. So if you're thinking about signing up, please think about using my link to do it (right here). THANKS!
We're at Day 17 of my psychoallergenic diet and counting here - emphasis on the 'and counting' because I think it's going really well.
I'm finding lots of recipes - and DELICIOUS recipes - and while it's a lot of work, there is huge payoff there. I'm actually slamming together a blog of the recipes we've tried and enjoyed so far, both to help me stay organized and to maybe help someone else out there who's trying to eat this way. Stay tuned.
I am NOT one to blog about my weight, but I have to say that it's looking like a little bit of weight loss might be the icing on the cake (pardon the pun) in this situation. I've been eating more than usual - bigger portion sizes, more snacks, less attention to calories (ahem NO attention to calories) - just sticking with my list of foods I can eat and food I can't eat. And I've lost 4.5 pounds in 17 days. And I've been too flared up to exercise other than Briony's weekly toddler dance class and one fifteen-minute yoga session last week. If I've confided in you about my weight loss challenges post-baby before, you'll know that this is HUGE.
My energy level has been in the toilet since I started this, but I've been feeling tiny glimmers of hope over the last handful of days... I think that energy kick I've been expecting is coming soon. I CAN'T WAIT.
Day 17 is also EXACTLY the halfway mark between starting this on my own and beginning the accompanying acupuncture treatments that are supposed to go alongside my freaky eating.
Briony + I spent the day here while Geoff was at work. I hit a bunch of client + volunteer deadlines. Briony had a nap + played + coloured + 'helped' Grandpa with home renos (FUNNIEST TODDLER COMMENTARY EVER).
It was just a really good day.
Today is also Day 15 of this new journey to reclaim my health. And I have not cheated on this diet, not one single bite. I'm super proud of that. It's been really tough. I'm still feeling so many yucky fibro flare up symptoms - and I'm EXHAUSTED - but I'm doing this and it has finally started feeling like positive progress over the last two days or so.
It only gets better from here... And that makes me happy, because I want my life back. And I want to ENJOY it fully.
Today's big goal was to START organizing our office. Hey, if I'm going to work here again, I require significantly less clutter and chaos. And possibly some yellow accents. But that's a project for after all this filing is finished.
I had some music to keep me company, and a few old favourites came on - some mid-90s awesomeness from my girls Lisa Loeb, Natalie Merchant, and OF COURSE The Cranberries (old stuff because everyone knows the last couple of albums were seriously subpar) - and then this piece of FABULOUS that is still one of my all-time favourite songs.
It made me smile. I like that it fit me then, and it still kind of fits me now. That tells me that there's some fundamental truth in it that matches up with my essential Lindsayness. And that's why music sometimes gives me goosebumps.
-
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad and
I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through Then you hand me a towel and all I see is you And even if my house falls down, I wouldn't have a clue Because you're near me and
I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
Let's call this Reason #4593 why we are making the right decision in not having any more babies.
Briony is the QUEEN of innocent. She's a really good kid, but she's TWO and we have near-daily random situations happen where she'll drop food off the edge of her high chair onto the floor, colour on the table instead of her paper, or make a huge mess with her toys, and then come find us with her blue eyes opened as wide as they'll go and say, 'Oh NO! What happened?!'
Can you IMAGINE what she'd blame on a younger sibling? And GET AWAY WITH?? :)
I made Pumpkin Spice Muffins today. Without gluten, dairy, or refined sugar. And they're actually pretty good. You may bow down and worship me now.
Our beloved babysitter Katie has her arm in a cast, and I *may* have momentarily panicked when I got her text. Which is hilarious, because her original text was immediately followed by a second text that said LINDSAY, DO NOT PANIC. Am I so transparent + predictable? :)
My parents are chock full of awesome. They went grocery shopping last week and stocked up on things like vegan butter and honey and organic brown rice so that I can come and visit - and eat while I'm there. I can't even find words to describe how much it means to have them supporting this freaky eating thing I'm doing right now.
I had to un-follow a bunch of girls on Twitter this week - fellow chronic illness babes who were just WAY TOO NEGATIVE. All the time. Yikes. I totally understand how hard it can be, but I still believe that life is more good than not and I just don't want to dwell on the 'not.'
Remember the creativity course I took this past fall and was all fired up about? Well, real life reared its ugly head and I didn't end up finishing due to flare ups and client deadlines and just general ickiness. The artist who runs the course knew this and offered me a spot in the class re-run this winter - for free. Is that not the coolest thing EVER? I sobbed when I got her email. Just finished my first assignment (again) and I'm SO EXCITED for a second chance.
Two separate people have attempted to headhunt me for high level marketing jobs this month. Of course, they're full time and I needed to say no. But talk about a boost in self-confidence :)
Briony called me Lindsay today for the first time ever. She's been occasionally calling Geoff 'Geoff' for a loooong time, but it took her this long to attempt 'Lindsay'-ing me. And so it begins.
I have a severe case of blogger's block. I don't know what's going on. And I felt pretty lame about the whole thing - because I'm supposedly a WRITER - until I read Lenore's lovely post today and realized that I am not alone in this. And she's inspired me to just write my way through it, even if that means some weaker posts for a little while.
There's so much going on, so it's not a lack of things to talk about. And I'm rarely at a loss for words. I'm just in a place where I'm feeling quieter and more introspective than usual, and I don't think it's a bad thing. Maybe it's a January thing? In any case, I'm tackling lots of things around the house that have needed doing for a long time, and it's been good for my soul. In the last couple of weeks, Geoff has helped me tackle our most dreaded cupboards and installed new pull-out baskets in them so I can actually access everything I need to (even on flared up days). I brought a giant bin of Briony's old clothes for consignment and I have another that I need to bring tomorrow. I picked up a bunch of clear containers to help organize Briony's toys a little better.
I'm not used to spending this much time at home, so I'm REALLY noticing the things that make our home more house-like. So I'm slowly but surely implementing better organizational systems in other cluttered areas of our house. And it's helping. I just wish I had the energy and a clear schedule to just GET IT DONE.
Patience has never been my strong suit.
Beginning ridiculously large projects with superhuman gusto and unhealthy doses of optimism? Yes, that sounds more Lindsay-like :)
The snow outside when Briony finished her nap today was GORGEOUS. She was so excited, standing by the window and watching it come down. I blew her mind when I suggested that we could go outside and play in it (guess I've been sick for a while now... we've been spending an awful lot of time just snuggling on the couch inside).
It took most of the energy I had left. But it was *so* worth it. LOOK AT THAT SMILE.
We came inside and resumed our positions on the couch, Briony with 'hot chocolate' in hand (warm milk with a microscopic amount of hot chocolate mix) and babbling away about her awesome day.
It really kind of was.
At the end of it, I'm exhausted and in pain, but you know what? I was exhausted and in pain at the beginning of it anyway.
I did NOT want to sit around and mope today. Okay, wait. That's not true... I TOTALLY DO, I'm just choosing not to. Anyway. Briony + I turned the great big frown that was this morning upside down and hauled out some paint and brushes for the first time in her two years + two months on the planet.
I didn't know what I had been saving it for. I know now that I was saving it for TODAY.
The result was kind of extraordinary... This kiddo got her Picasso on for an hour and a half before lunchtime. She had SO much fun. And you know what? I did too, just being around that kind of pure, unfiltered JOY :)
I woke up this morning and realized that it was NOT going to be a good idea to take Briony to dance class today. I'm still feeling terrible. And now I'm feeling like a terribly bad mommy because she LOVES dance class and has been asking about it all week (especially because I finally found some dance shoes in her size). One of the prices she pays for having a sick mommy, and I HATE IT. It breaks my heart, even though I fully understand that she's two and she's already over it.
It's going to be a quiet day, but I hope it will still be a good one. I'm sure we can manage to make a memory or two in spite of the pain. I'm going to make sure that it happens.
So I finally dropped off my first bin for consignment at the Baby Bin Boutique on Corydon. I've been meaning to try it out since Briony was born, but - well - you know. We'll see how it goes! Our little princess has been fairly well dressed, and it would be cool to get a little bit of money back on all the shopping we've done for her (so that we can do more shopping for her, of course). In any case, it felt awesome to clear my house of things we aren't using anymore.
And in that spirit, I finally got around to posting last year's snow gear on Kijiji. I thought I'd mention it on here in case anyone's interested!
Oh, and I have a few lingering maternity pieces here - a pair of grey shorts, a black knee-length cotton skirt, a bathing suit, and two Bravado nursing tanks. I don't need them! But if you do (or if you know someone who does), let me know and I'm sure we can work something out.
There. That's my sales pitch. Thanks for indulging me :)
Sorry. I'm fully aware that it's been quiet around here lately. REALLY quiet.
The truth is that I'm not having a great week, and I hate putting negativity out into the universe like that. So I chose silence instead. I hope you understand :)
I've been doing a really good job at finding yummy recipes for my new diet - but it's taking *so* much energy to plan + prep meals, and I'm still feeling pretty lousy.
I'm in a definite fibro flare right now - full of pain + fatigue from my toenails to my hair follicles, fighting light + sound sensitivities, and definitely battling some depression - and I wake up every day hoping and praying and wishing to be better than I was the day before. The momentum is definitely going the other way right now. Geoff's working tomorrow and I'm scared to death of how I'm going to manage taking Briony to dance class (and then the rest of the day).
But today is almost over. And tomorrow is another chance for a better day. I won't say a good day because I still believe that they are ALL good days. But maybe, just maybe, tomorrow might be GREAT.
When I mentioned that we booked flights to Vancouver for Easter, I *may* have failed to mention that I am (hopefully not foolishly) going to be flying alone with Briony again. The way Geoff's work schedule + seat sales fell, it was simplest / cheapest for B + I to leave two and a half days ahead of Geoff (at a time that works well for her), and then he'll be flying in on an evening flight later.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't an eensy bit jealous of his uber-relaxing solo flight vs my challenge of flying solo with a toddler. I used to love flying. With a baby or a toddler? Not so much. But I know that it's getting easier every time, and soon she'll be old enough to keep herself mostly entertained - and I'll start enjoying it again.
It will be fine. B's an awesome little flier (and an all-around pretty awesome kid). But we don't have headphones for B (to use with our portable DVD player) and I think that might help things go a little bit more smoothly. Any suggestions for toddler headphones? The cuter the better, of course :)
Just checking in to let y'all know that I have not, in fact, starved to death.
This was kind of a tough week. I flared up, which is always a treat. The new diet's going well, but the second day in particular FLATTENED me - ridiculous detox headache + no energy at all. Today was better, but it will be a little while before I'm feeling more Lindsay-like. I'm spending every free moment I have in the kitchen trying to get things in my freezer and start getting some of the basics under control so the rest of this psychoallergenic eating adventure just gets easier and easier. This week, I was making salad dressings, soups, muffins, and all kinds of goodness (in addition to making meals). I also saw my rheumatologist again yesterday, which is another whole post that's coming soon. Briony's dance class started again this week. I'm beginning work on our MOMs Group website and newsletter for the new session starting in two weeks. We made some unexpected potty training progress (we're not officially underway yet, but she's progressing nonetheless - CLEVER MINX). I'm about to begin a tiny home makeover Chez Wright. And we booked flights for our next BC trip. Among other things.
So there's lots going on, and lots to talk about. And I will talk about it. But for tonight, I have a date with my couch and a GIANT bowl of popcorn :)
It's probably not a huge surprise that I'm less than loving this whole reduced-income thing in the aftermath of that whole pre-holiday job loss thing. The part that's bothering me the most? As the person who provides 'bonus' income into our family's finances, I was The Savings Person. And you know what's been decimated? The account that holds some funds for vacations + trips out to the west coast. It did its job and got us to NYC and back, with virtually the entire trip pre-paid. But it's in a sorry state right now, and IT'S HAUNTING ME.
I read a fabulous little tip on TodaysParent.com this week and implemented it immediately. It's super simple... Every time you login to your online banking, take a look at your primary account balance and then transfer the amount that would round that down to the nearest 5 or 10 into a savings account. So if your account had $11.75 in it, you'd move $1.75 into savings and have a new balance of $10. You'll never move more than $5 at a time - not enough to even notice that it's gone (unless you're the unfortunate soul in my example there... he should probably hang onto that pocket change for food).
It's not much, but it has the potential to seriously accumulate. It's not getting us back to NYC anytime soon... But it's helping me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING.
I've had a bunch of questions about what on earth I'm up to, and I'll do my best to summarize it here. It's all happened relatively quickly and I'm learning as I go - eastern medicine and alternative therapy is always a HUGE learning curve when you've grown up in North American (and when you've quite literally grown up in a very westernized - probably western-BIASED - health care system). But this is kind of what's going on in a nutshell.
The new 'partner' I'm seeing is Dr Shi, a traditional Chinese doctor with additional training in acupuncture, allergy elimination therapy, and natural medicine - including NAET. Yes, I know how crazy it sounds. And no, I don't care. Geoff came along for my first appt and we're both 100% on board for me to try this out.
At my first appointment, she did a series of tests that involved me holding vials of different substances and based on my arm strength while I was holding them made a list of things that my body is treating as allergens right now. Next step is a series of seven appts where she eliminates those sensitivities - I'll hold a vial with one of the sensitive substances while she does acupuncture to clear the energy blockages related to each one, then totally avoid even TOUCHING that substance for the next 25 hours. Then supposedly I'll be 'cured' of that sensitivity.
For the next couple months, I'll be following a very specific allergen-free diet while everything is being cleared. I've also been put on a CRAZY multivitamin and a natural treatment for thyroid dysfunction - one of the things that she easily identified as a health challenge for me - along with a few supplements to balance out the foods (and associated vitamins and minerals) I'm yanking out of my diet.
My list of 'sensitivities' - things that my body is fighting instead of absorbing and using properly right now - includes a few random things like vitamin B, magnesium, and Omega-3 along with the usual food suspects like dairy, red meats, nightshade vegetables, gluten, refined sugar, coffee and caffeine, and any chemicals or preservatives.
It's going to be a long couple of months, but it will be worth it if I can feel better. It's fascinating to me that - through her own very unique 'diagnosis' process - she identified virtually identical challenges as my naturopath saw in my live blood analysis years ago. It gave me lots more confidence in what we're doing.
The most important thing to note is that I left my first appointment feeling HOPEFUL. That's an emotion that I cling to like a person drowning in the ocean. This doctor honestly believes that she can help me. She has a track record of doing exactly that. And I'm sure as heck going to let her try - and do everything I can to make this process successful. NO REGRETS.
In the meantime, I'm also scheduled to see my rheumatologist again later this week and I'm hoping to get a letter from him that recommends I pursue further treatment at the Mayo Clinic (with the Manitoba government covering the expenses). We're praying like crazy that this might happen... The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota has a full Fibromyalgia Clinic and I've heard from several people that were helped there. Again, NO REGRETS. I'm going to push with all the power and energy I have left to make it happen, and then whatever will be will be.
That's all for now. Lots more to talk about soon. For right now, it feels good to have a plan and to be DOING SOMETHING.
I can't stand it when life doesn't follow the plans that I've made. (That probably wasn't a newsflash, was it?)
I went to bed last night with the best intentions for today. And it's just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Today began with lots of pain, lots of fatigue, and lots of frustration. It also began with Starbucks (thanks, Geoff!) - but I digress. I'm supposed to be starting on an aggressive new treatment plan with a new doctor and I'd planned to start tomorrow. Because so much of what we're doing depends on me totally revamping the way I eat, I needed to do a big grocery shop first. One that couldn't happen with Briony along, both because of how much I can physically handle today and because I need to read EVERYTHING to make sure that the things I'm choosing to put in my cart are 100% okay for me to eat.
I did it. I don't think anyone is more surprised than I am. Geoff watched Briony this afternoon and I managed to do Superstore, Bulk Barn, and get back home again in 90 minutes.
GO LINDSAY.
Of course, I'm capital-letters EXHAUSTED now - and the day isn't nearly over yet - but I feel so much better just knowing that I'm ready to go in the morning.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely intimidated by what's going to happen here tomorrow. I've done some pretty extreme eating under the guidance of my naturopath before, but this plan's just a little bit crazier. No gluten. No dairy. No soy. No refined sugar. No coffee or caffeine. No preservatives or chemicals. No potatoes, tomatoes, or peppers. That's not everything... It's the summary / tip of the iceberg (and why I've dubbed this my 'psychoallergenic' diet). As a side note, I've never been TOTALLY off dairy before - I've always been able to have some butter + plain yogurt. For some reason, the NO dairy (together with no soy) is kind of freaking me out.
The first two or three weeks will be tough. After that, my body will stop craving some of the things I haven't been feeding it - and I'll start to have more of the energy I need to be able to cook everything from scratch (and with this attention to detail).
I'll try to make sure that this doesn't become a food blog, but I'm also going to do my best to share the recipes that we're loving over here - both to help others in my situation and to help friends who are trying to accommodate me.
I'm worried. I'm tired. And I'm painfully aware that I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET. But meals are planned for the rest of this week, and I have what I need to make them. So, OFF WE GO!
Sharing the journey that has taken me from being a single girl in the advertising agency world to a married mommy running my own freelance writing and consulting business (and every random adventure in between).
THINGS I LOVE: Thunderstorms, power ballads, princess camping, exploring new cities, Jon Stewart, greatest hits CDs, clever ads, packing for a trip, George Clooney, impractical footwear, movies about spies, Starbucks, reading an entire book in one sitting, a house full of friends, movies about spies, buying presents, a perfect French manicure, warm modernist architecture, getting flowers for no reason, being faux brunette, Mary Poppins, making lists on Post-It notes, decorating for Christmas, having a brilliant middle-of-the-night 'aha!' idea and then actually remembering it in the morning / THINGS I HATE: People who whine, wearing sweats in public, 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, birds, American tourists in foreign countries, taking down the Christmas tree, poems that rhyme, the misuse of semicolons, being lied to, unpacking after a trip, being closed-minded, naming your kid something common but then spelling it stupidly, cowboys, overly cautious drivers, fake curse words, ridiculously long surnames, strangers who start awkward conversations with you in places you can't readily escape
