Goodbyes
I just got home from driving Libby to the airport. It's going to take some effort to make sure that this doesn't turn into a sad day. It was just an absolute pleasure to have Libby living with us these past two weeks and a bit and she did so much to help us navigate this situation to find our temporary new normal in the middle of all the chaos. It made a huge difference in my world to have extra help around the house and she provided so much stability (and FUN) for Briony.
We'll miss her. I was incredibly sad to say goodbye today. And I'm kind of dreading when Briony wakes up and realizes that her 'Wibby' is gone.
But it was so special to have her here, and to have a chance to get to know her on her own. My nieces were all in high school already when I met them for the first time - and they're all full-fledged adults now - and it's been such a privilege to start getting to know them all as adults. The past two weeks have provided some fabulous memories for all of us.
As an aside, here's Reason #7829 why I love living in Winnipeg. I got up at 5.15 this morning to make myself a little bit presentable. I made coffee and helped Libby finish packing. We got her stuff out to the car and drove to the airport. I found parking there and we got her all checked in, then I stayed until she was through security. I paid for parking, walked back to my car, drove home, came inside, and made myself a cup of tea. When I sat down at my computer, it was 6.15.
Labels: Family, Libby, Winnipeg
Lovely
Things that made today lovely...
Accompanying my mom + grandma for my grandma's scan (to check and make 100% sure that they killed all the cancer). Spending two and a half uninterrupted hours having coffee with my mom while we waited. And then hosting them at our place for lunch. They are two incredible, cancer-destroying women. I have formidable (and hopefully cancer-free) shoes to fill.
Welcoming the holiday season. Christmas came to Starbucks today, and I had my first Caramel Brule Latte of the season. My new barista friend was seriously thrown for a loop when I failed to order the usual on the first day after we established my usual. I suppose I'm allowed to be wild + crazy in one area of my life, right? :)
Spending the afternoon walking up and down Academy with Libby, shopping as we enjoyed some incredible sunshine and fine company. I even found a new blouse that is a great candidate for work AND a couple of nights out in NYC - and a polka-dot scarf that I'm a little bit in love with.
Opening
my 'thank you' package for the creativity class I attempted this fall. I haven't finished yet - I'm doing it at my own pace after all our recent drama + setbacks + general chaos - but these fab prints will find a very special place in our home. Most likely in my office. YAY.
For dinner tonight, we used a gift card to a local Italian restaurant that Aaron + Cait had delivered to us when Geoff had his accident. (Wow, that was an unnecessarily complicated sentence...) We all feasted on calamari + fried parmesan bread + cannelloni + some seriously garlicky linguine that involved asparagus, chicken, and red peppers. DELICIOSO.
Oh, and Briony is now addicted to calamari. 'MORE BABY SQUID. PLEEEEASE?'
Labels: A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood, Aaron, Briony, Caitlin, Family, Holiday Awesomeness, Libby, My Life, Starbucks, The C Word
Day At A Glance
Stopped at our friendly neighbourhood Starbucks today, and our 'regular' barista came around the counter to shake my hand and introduce himself. 'I want to know your name. Right now, to me, you're Double Tall Nonfat Vanilla Latte Girl - and you're married to Scooter Guy.' It made me smile. And the smile turned into a full-fledged grin when he gave me my Double Tall Nonfat Vanilla Latte for free. My usual. I have always wanted to have a usual somewhere. Given how I'm *so* much a creature of habit, I suppose it was just a matter of time before someone caught on :)
Took Geoff for his follow-up appointment with the surgeon today. He got his staples out and the surgeon is super happy with how it's all looking. Geoff got permission to increase the angle of his leg brace. It will be sloooow and steady process, but today was a step forward.
While I was sitting in the waiting room during Geoff's appointment, someone came out of the clinic area holding his leg brace (he's gone in a few minutes earlier wearing it). He had the biggest smile on his face. He walked right past me, then turned around and came back to tell me that we'd make it - that my husband would be the one walking out of there holding his brace before we know it. Kind of random, but it totally made my day.
Woke up more tired and in pain than usual today. It feels like I've been trudging through quicksand as I've been working through my to-do list. I HATE THAT.
Tomorrow is our last day with Libby here. I drop her off at the airport EARLY on Wednesday morning. It's going to be sad to say goodbye... We've had a great time with her, and she's been such an incredible support for us over the last two weeks.
As I'm sitting here, I can smell beef barley vegetable soup in simmering in the slow cooker and an apple pie baking in the oven. I AM A DOMESTIC GODDESS. Even if the soup is pretty much just last night's leftovers repurposed and the pie was totally just pulled from my freezer ;)
And speaking sarcastically of my Domestic Goddess title, I hit up M+M and Safeway with Geoff today to pick up some prefab meal components to help get us through the next couple of weeks. And another salad kit (turns out they're actually kind of good... and Safeway sells organic ones!). I'm done apologizing. It's not like I'm running through the McDonald's drive-through every night to feed my family. Some chicken breasts that have been pre-stuffed by some factory machine rather than yours truly will probably not kill us.
All my clients collectively decided to wallop my inbox today. It's going to be a crazy week. OF COURSE.
An eNewsletter that I've been working on launching for MONTHS finally went out on Friday and it felt GOOD. Just about ready to wrap up the content for Issue 2 and it's going *so* much more smoothly so far. That makes me happy. New projects are fun, but so is finding your groove.
Briony's been tippy-toeing around the house in her ladybug tutu off and on all day today, waving her wand and twirling around. And wearing my cat ears. I love her.
I was Bitchy Paranoid Mom today and cancelled Girls Night because my friend's daughter (who was going to tag along) was sick yesterday. Crazy? Maybe. Responsible? I like to think so. I was super sad to have to reschedule but I cannot imagine dealing with ANY of us being sick right now on top of everything else I'm attempting to balance this week. Seriously. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!
We totally bought some discount Halloween candy today. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I have a bowl of candy on my dining room table. And a few leftover cupcakes from yesterday. And the aforementioned PIE. I have a sneaking suspicion that this won't be my best-ever eating week.
Brainstorming ideas of things that Libby could take back as a little treat for her family that would be distinctly Winnipeg-ish. Any ideas?
Labels: Being Domestic, Briony, Food is Yummy, Going Rogue, Libby, My Friends, My Life, Random Joy, Starbucks, The Boy
A Few Very Legitimate Tears
I don't think that I take Geoff for granted. I'm pretty sure that I've always been aware of all the ways he helps me out and steps in to fill the gaps left by my chronic illness... So I'm not sure what the universe is trying to prove.
All I know is that it's really, really hard to be the person in our family who's holding it all together. It sucks to have to do the big Superstore shop and run in at Costco and fill up the car and drive myself to work and take out the garbage - on top of all the Lindsay Things that I usually take care of (that somehow filled a WHOLE day and took ALL my energy before).
I ended up in tears a few times today - and what makes that super scary is that we still have Libby here, helping nonstop from 07.30 until well after Briony's in bed. And I only made it into the office once this week. And we still have some things in the freezer that our lovely friends have dropped off for us.
But we survived another day.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Libby, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010
What A Difference
Oh, what a difference a day makes.
Last night's bedtime went really well (after we let her cry off-and-on for 20 minutes). This morning around 9 am (!), we were greeted by a surprise visitor to our home: one Briony Evangeline Wright, in all her giggly awesomeness. WELCOME HOME, BRIONY. Oh, how we've missed you. She spent half an hour before breakfast cruising around the house with the biggest grin in the world on her face because she'd discovered a ladybug in our house. 'Look, Mama! A ladybug! HE'S SO CUTE. And Briony's very cute.'
We had a totally successful naptime this afternoon and a totally successful bedtime tonight.
And Geoff got out of the house for the first time in a week (if you count the trip from the hospital to our house... or 11 days if you don't). Nerds that we are, the excursion was to get out and vote - and the weather was HORRIFIC - but I think he was just happy to breathe fresh air and see people who he's not related to. It was a big milestone.
Oh, and we made some arrangements this afternoon to keep Libby locked in our basement for four extra days - so she'll be staying until next week Wednesday. YAY.
No magic involved, but I'm definitely feeling a *glimmer* of optimism - and normalcy - again. We're going to figure this out.
Labels: Briony, Libby, Mommy Stuff, The Boy, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010
Manic Tuesday
I'm having my Monday on Tuesday this week.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Actually, now that I stop and really think about it, the morning was TERRIBLE - so it must say something about the rest of the day that I just labelled it 'pretty good,' don't you think? Either that, or I've seriously changed my definitions of 'good' and 'bad' days given recent events... :)
Sunday night was one of the worst nights our little family has had in a long, long time. Briony went to bed super late (not for a lack of trying) and then was up twice during the night and then decided that 6 am was morning. It was beyond UGH. And have I mentioned that I'm sleeping on the couch? It just doesn't work for both Geoff + I to be in bed right now with his stupid messed up leg, so I've been on the couch for almost a week now. It sucks. My body is SCREAMING at me, but there's really no better option - and we all know it's super temporary. Anyway. I digress. Fortunately, Geoff + Libby were up around 8 am and sent me back to bed (my REAL bed) until 10 am. Briony + Libby + I ventured out then for a couple of hours of shopping.
That might have been the worst mommy mistake I've made so far.
Briony was in a foul mood and we had our first-ever Screaming Toddler Throwing a Tantrum in Public Experience. I know it's a right of passage, but I was reeeeally hoping to avoid it altogether just by being an awesome mom.
HA.
Anyway. The good news is that we made it home, fed her some lunch, and then she had a perfectly uneventful afternoon nap. I managed to shower and get some client work done. Libby did a Starbucks run and delivered a Pumpkin Spice Latte to calm my nerves. And the rest of the day was actually pretty great. I ended it off with a Girls Night Out - Pizzeria Gusto and
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest at MTC - with my mom and her two sisters. Lovely. I may have even had a smile on my face when I got home.
I had a super hard time falling asleep, but when I did, I slept until 9.30 am. So did Briony. OH GLORIOUS SLEEP. Except for the part where I'd been planning to be at work for 10 am today.
So maybe scratch all that. I'm having TWO Mondays this week.
After my abrupt realization that I really should have set my alarm, I rushed around getting ready this morning, and my hair looks like shit in this ridiculously humid weather (totally one of those rare days when I curse myself for getting rid all my hair because just throwing it up used to be an awesome option on days like this). I ran into Starbucks and witnessed what I presume was a freelance client interviewing someone new (and suspiciously writer-looking... I totally walked up and said hi because I'm a little bit bitchy like that). I then drove downtown in the pouring rain, parked, and navigated the area of Portage + Main with an umbrella in one hand and a coffee in the other on my way to the office (an Olympic feat if there ever was one, and also probably how
Mary Poppins started). My day has been a mix of interesting meetings + surly coworkers, but I know I get to leave before 2 pm for a massage today.
It's really almost impossible to be grumpy when you know you're less than two hours away from a massage appointment. And that's what I'm clinging to today.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Briony, Family, Libby, Mommy Stuff, So Dramatic, The Boy, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010, Working Girl
How We Are Doing
So many people have been asking how we're doing. It's completely uncharacteristic, but I really have a hard time coming up with an answer.
We're managing. We're surviving. We're working very hard to take things day by day.
It's so tricky, because we're fully aware that this is NOT a disaster. It's a nuisance. But it's a significant nuisance in our world because we didn't start off as a normal family. We were already a family with a chronic illness - and now the one able-bodied adult in our household is more injured than I am. This impacts us in so many ways, right down to the mundane fact that the person who usually runs stairs for me when I forget something downstairs is not only not running stairs for me anymore, but he's also forced to ask me to run them for him.
Geoff's doing really well, and is starting to be a little bit more mobile in terms of getting up and down the stairs, etc - but he hasn't left the house since the hospital and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon. He's off T3s but still needing very regular painkillers - and, of course, the brace that is quickly becoming an extra (super annoying) family member.
It has been an absolute godsend to have Libby here. She's taken on so much of the day to day care of Briony and so many details that keep our household running. I can't even tell you how it makes a difference in my day to wake up and find the dishwasher has already been cleaned out. And don't underestimate the value of Briony Duty... Our normally very easygoing toddler has been replaced with one who's easily upset, quite insecure, and downright terrible at bedtime (Libby's been up there with her for well over an hour already trying to get her to settle down... and we're talking about a kid who - DON'T HATE ME - can virtually always just be tossed into her crib and happily left for 13 or 14 hours). We're all being very patient with her because we understand how her world has been turned around this week, but it's capital-letters TOUGH.
On Day Eight of this fiasco, the adrenaline of the crisis is wearing off, and what's left in its place is exhaustion and pain (with a side of panic when I think that we've got another six weeks of this to go before life will even *begin* to resemble anything normal). I've been working very hard to schedule Lindsay Time and I'm taking lots of breaks so that I'm doing as well as I possibly can be when we need to say goodbye to Libby at the end of this week - but I have to question how those brief absences are impacting my insecure baby girl at home. See what I mean? TOUGH.
This week, I need to start to work more again, and it's making me want to cry to even imagine how to find the space in my life and in my head to manage that.
One day at a time... And there are bright spots in every single one of them. Watching Briony toddling around the house after Libby - her new favourite person in the world - and hearing them giggling upstairs until Briony is hysterical is so awesome. Awesome enough that it actually makes some of this drama and craziness seem worth it.
-
Some evidence that Geoff is alive and well. This was in the hospital before his surgery.
Briony thinks it's hilarious to pretend her foot is a phone.
Chillin' on the couch waaaay after Briony's bedtime. SIGH.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Briony, Libby, My Life, The Boy, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010
A (Temporary) New Normal
Geoff is home. He's doing absolutely as well as can be expected. He's in a full leg brace and crutches, but handling it really well. It will be a few days before he's off T3s and a little more mobile. Over the course of the next six weeks, he'll be able to slowly start putting more weight on his leg and gradually starting to bend the knee. Of course, it's his right foot so I'll be the driver in this family for the foreseeable future. His time off work will be a minimum eight weeks.
Libby is settling in here and it's AWESOME. After a boring first 24 hours spent mostly at the hospital with Geoff and I, she's jumped right into helping around the house, running errands, and playing with Briony. I would be a total mess without her here right now.
We're feeling so very loved and supported. Our goals over the next couple of days will be to get Geoff feeling better, to help Briony transition into her (temporary) new normal, and to get me back working part-time.
Hoping for a very quiet and uneventful night... WHO AM I KIDDING. I'm hoping for a very quiet and uneventful REST OF OUR LIVES :)
Labels: Libby, The Boy, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010
Whaaaaat
I was SO MAD at God this morning.
I drove to the hospital in a lousy mood, preparing myself for another long day of waiting around and attempting to keep some perspective. Of course, I couldn't find a parking spot anywhere. It was supremely annoying, and I sent up a quick prayer (that in retrospect was possibly more like a dare) that I would find a convenient spot to park my car. And the longer I drove around, the angrier I got. Seriously. God couldn't come through on our prayers for Geoff's surgery, so why on earth would I expect that he could possibly care about something as insignificant as a parking spot. People passing by my car must have thought I was CRAZY because I was full-on yelling at God as I drove around. Just to prove my point, I circled back around to the best parking spots. I was mid-shriek when I rounded the corner and - OF COURSE - not one, not two, but THREE cars began pulling out of their prime parking spots.
Okay, okay. I GET IT. That was my first clue that maybe - just maybe - things were going to turn out okay today.
I spent the morning helping Geoff get cleaned up, then we took a little field trip up to his ward to say hi. Just before lunchtime, my parents brought Briony for a visit - it was SO GOOD to see and cuddle my monkey for the hour we had together.
Around 1.15, I left to go get Libby from the airport. I was having a deju vu parking moment in the parkade there when my BlackBerry informed me of a new text message. It was from Geoff, and he was letting me know that he was going for surgery immediately.
WHAAAAT.
So I picked up Libby, we grabbed lunch to go, quickly stopped in at home to drop off her bags, and raced back to the hospital. We were there in plenty of time to greet Geoff after he was out of recovery.
The surgery went perfectly, and if I live to be 200 years old, I will never understand how it all happened. There was no logical reason he got in for surgery today. All I know is that we prayed for a miracle to happen today, and we got our miracle. THANK YOU, GOD. (Oh, and sorry for yelling at you. Though you should probably know that I won't hesitate to do it again.)
Geoff's in a considerable amount of pain tonight. His nurse (a lovely gentleman named Lindsay - I COULDN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP) promised to keep the morphine coming all night long, so I left feeling like he was in good hands - but hating that I couldn't do anything to make it better.
If he's able to manage on T3s and get around on crutches - and if the initial healing of the surgical site looks okay - he'll get to come home as early as tomorrow or almost definitely the day after. Briony is tentatively scheduled to come back tomorrow evening too (and Libby arrived from Kamloops today) so we might just have an extra-full house by tomorrow night. And I could not be happier about it :)
Labels: Briony, Family, Libby, The Boy, The Great Knee Catastrophe of 2010
