runlindsayrun

MIA

I know that I've been a little bit missing in action lately. Okay, maybe a lot. And I'm finding it incredibly difficult to explain my absence - or to explain exactly where I've been.

Literally, Geoff and I packed up Briony and spent a few days this week at the lake. It was awesome. I actually get a little emotional when I think about it, because this simple three-day trip to the lake was a little bit of an experiment to me. So much of my mom's cancer journey happened at Falcon Lake last summer, and there are so many memories of her being sick there. I needed to go and find out - before the summer started - if it could still be a happy place for me. It was. It felt really, really good to be there. And I came home with a little piece of that feeling tucked safely away in my soul.

More honestly, though, I feel like I'm processing a heck of a lot right now. And there's a lot of other stuff going on.

I'm feeling a lot of post-cancer stuff right now, which makes me realize again how strong my mom is. If her cancer journey has affected me so profoundly, I can't even begin to pretend to understand how it's changed her. In lots of ways, it feels like the entire world is expecting us to all just go back to normal now that her mammogram came back clear. But nothing is ever going to be normal to me again. And I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I just don't really feel like a lot of people understand that.

I'm continuing to clean out my house, getting ready for a big yard sale later this month. It feels so good to be getting rid of all this stuff that's been cluttering up our home. It makes me really happy. Other than the ginormous piles of yard sale boxes that are sitting in our dining room, in Briony's closet, and in the basement. This yard sale seriously needs to happen SOON.

I'm still figuring out who I am without my job (and with a baby). I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how I've been feeling as I weigh the pros and cons of returning to my career once my mat leave ends in the fall. I have never felt so completely torn, and they are two fundamentally opposite directions. I am confident that I will make the right decisions. I am also confident that this is *not* the place to be airing that entire decision-making process until my decisions have all been made and the appropriate arrangements have been finalized.

Oh, and I'm up to my eyeballs in event planning - specifically, there are a lot of weddings going on around here. In addition to helping Aaron & Caitlin with their wedding in July, I've been hired to coordinate the rehearsal and ceremony (and do a little bit of consulting) for a couple I know in early August, and I'm playing wedding planner for another friend later in the summer. I have meetings here for all three weddings on different days this week - plus I'm trying to find some time to help plan our upcoming ten year high school reunion. What's most surprising to me (other than the fact that I haven't been called about a single freelance writing job all summer, but my phone seems to be ringing off the hook for event planning gigs) is that I'm actually really enjoying it. Event planning was never my favourite thing at work, and I've always mocked wedding planners... But I'm having a lot of fun. Plus, getting hired as a rehearsal and ceremony coordinator literally means that I'm getting paid to boss people around :)

And then, of course, there's my health. I'm still searching for that balance... I went to see my herbalist last week, and I feel like that was a HUGE step in the right direction. And I had my ultrasound this morning to make sure that my weird abdominal episode from last month isn't anything super-serious. The only thing with a track record of helping is being really strict with my eating and taking supplements to help my body function better. So we'll see. I'm determined to enjoy the summer anyway.

In the middle of all of this, we seem to have conquered a yucky baby constipation challenge (can you believe that I just blogged about poop? yeah, me neither). And then we decided to start Briony on cereal. She's doing *so* well with it, and you can just see the glow on her face - so proud to be eating like a big girl. She also started dancing... I can't really describe it, so I should probably try to catch her on video. She kind of just wiggles her head from side to side with a huge goofy grin on her face. It's so ridiculously cute.

Lots more, but those are the big things that are keeping me busy. Sadly, not a lot of friend time right now - but I'm hoping that will change as soon as summer gets here. I know that I have a challenging week coming up with Geoff working five twelve-hour shifts in six days... I'd appreciate a few happy thoughts sent in this general direction :)

Have a great weekend!

Labels: Briony, Family, The Boy, The C Word

posted by Lindsay @ 4:41 PM