Sick Day
My bulletproof positive attitude called in sick today.
Of course, today is also the day that the universe seems to have chosen to MESS WITH ME. And I am going to lose my $#^! here in about twelve seconds unless one measly good thing can happen before something else that's lousy does.
Quick! I want to hear your best joke in the comments section for this post... MAKE ME LAUGH.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Bitching About Nothing, Happy Thoughts, One of Lindsay's Rants
Thought For Today
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
- Herm Albright
Labels: Happy Thoughts
Another Good Day
I think I'm on a roll here...
It was a good day, despite the fact that I had to set my alarm early. I bundled up and walked to Starbucks then caught a bus downtown for my meeting at The Arthritis Society. I'm still doing volunteer work for them - different than before - and stay tuned for not one but TWO major initiatives launching soon that I've got my paws all over. I'm *so* super excited about them both, I just about danced out of that office.
Oh, and surprised about the whole bus-in-the-cold thing? Me too, kind of. But it was a heck of a lot warmer than starting my car and a heck of a lot less stressful than trying to find parking. Would you also be surprised to know that when I was working those two days last week at my client's office, I *walked* there? It was freaking cold, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. I'm walking there again in the morning. And yet, I'm not losing any weight at all... Sigh. It's one of the great mysteries of life.
Anyway. Geoff + Briony picked me up at lunchtime and we spent a few hours running errands. And then we got home and I did some work and then I was feeling inspired by the success of my gingerbread yesterday so I decided to try making crostini for the first time - with vanilla, almonds, hazelnuts, dried cherries, and currants. I MUST be feeling better. They are *almost* done... I decided to leave the final baking part for tomorrow night when Emily comes to do some other baking with me. But they smell awesome.
I was feeling pretty good about myself, and about my day, until it was bedtime - and I didn't feel like sleeping. At all. And then reality came and punched me right in the face. I suddenly remembered The Other Time In My Life When I Was Taking These Particular Pills. And I remembered why I had stopped. Because they acted like a stimulant for me during the day, but it didn't wear off in time for me to sleep... So I eventually had to start taking a little something at night too. And then the dosage of each medication slooooowly started creeping up until I was both Seriously Drugged To Wake Up and Seriously Drugged To Sleep. I'm sending fervent prayers in the general direction of the sky hoping that we can figure something out to avoid that whole scenario again, because - for right now - we're keeping the drugs.
Oh, and did I mention that my gallbladder is acting up again? Because my gallbladder is acting up again. This surgery cannot come soon enough (and no, I don't have a date yet). I can't believe how excited I am for someone to cut my abdomen open and remove stuff :)
Labels: Active Living, Being Domestic, Happy Thoughts, The Arthritis Society
Above The Water
I guess I'm officially On Medication now.
I don't know why that's so hard for me to swallow (pardon the pun). But I'm absolutely determined not to make it my dirty little secret. There are *so* many people who take pills to deal with depression, and I think we do a real disservice to ALL of them by not talking about it more. People take anti-inflammatories for arthritis. People have chemo for cancer. Depression is a disease too, so why is it such a bad thing to treat it?
ANYway. (Climbing off my soapbox now.)
I think I was doing a decent job at functioning without them, but it was FREAKING HARD - and I was just barely keeping my head above water most days (the other days I was drowning). I don't think the change is miraculous by any means, I just feel a little bit more like myself than I have in a long time. I'm not sure why I waited so long. I think I just needed to be ready, to make peace with the idea that I wasn't able to be a good wife + a good mom + a good writer + a good daughter/sister/friend/etc on my own. And I'm slowly becoming okay with that as I realize that it's not anything I did or didn't do - I'm just a little bit broken.
Yesterday was kind of a profound day for me. It just felt DIFFERENT. It was a perfectly ordinary day, except that I felt like a different kind of wife + mom than I have been. It felt like I actually made some progress during the day instead of slipping farther and farther behind. I was still tired, and it was still a tough day, but I felt PRESENT. And that's maybe the best Christmas gift I could have asked for - for me AND for Geoff + Briony.
Ugh. That pun was worse than the first ;)
Labels: Happy Thoughts, In The Moment, Married Stuff, Mommy Stuff
Happy Thoughts
My motivational thought for the day, courtesy of
ChronicBabe.com:
I think it's very common for us as young women to idealize our finest moment, and feel like we're letting others down - or even worse, ourselves - when we can't do everything we once did.
It's completely normal to mourn that loss. And that's exactly what it is: a loss. It sucks! We miss being that girl - the one who can do anything she can imagine. Who wouldn't want to be that girl?
But at some point, you have to let her go. She's not you. She's a former you. It's time to focus on who you are today and embrace that girl. She's still awesome! I bet she can still do a lot of cool stuff. And she's surely still a hottie.
Each day you wish you could be your "old" self will make you feel like a failure. But each day you exercise compassion for your "new" self - each day you embrace your current abilities - you'll appreciate every accomplishment even more.
And when you think of that ideal girl - the "old" you - do you think she would want you to be held back by some unattainable ideal, or self-pity? I bet you a million bucks she wouldn't. She'd probably grab you by the shoulders, look you straight in the eye, and let you have it.
Read the entire article here.-
And with that... I'm going to the gym. Yep, you heard me. THE GYM.
I'm feeling a little apprehensive about this plan, mostly because I haven't been there in a really, really long time. I was getting so discouraged, watching these chubby old women run circles around me - and immediately bursting into tears upon reaching the safety of my car, feeling sorry for myself about all the things that don't come easily anymore, crying out every (fluid) ounce of frustration over this old lady's body that I've somehow become trapped in.
But you know what? I can do almost every machine - and I choose to focus on that, not on those two machines that are too hard for me. I choose not to care what the other girls at the gym think when I work those machines slowly or skip them altogether. I choose not to care that I'm only maintaining my pounds and inches, and not actually losing any.
Because, despite all my quirks and flaws, I'm still kind of a superfox.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Happy Thoughts, My Life
