Wanting It All
What should a modern woman need to have in her life in order to feel fulfilled? Are we truly meant to have it all? Or is that an illusion that only works on sitcoms and feminist dramas? Is it realistic that the simple things that kept our great-grandmothers happy (taking care of a husband, a family, a home) should keep us happy also? Or were our great-grandmothers actually happy doing what they did???I experience my first career moment today where I feel like I was being forced to give something up for the sake of a wedding, a honeymoon, and a healthy relationship. It was freakin' hard.
It was hard because I want it ALL. I'm a selfish human being. I want to continue pursuing this career that stresses me out and keeps me running 24/7 - and makes me really happy. I also want a happy marriage to Geoff that works, and (eventually...) a little family too. And I honestly feel that it should be possible.
I want to feel like I don't *have* to choose. And I sure as heck don't want other people choosing for me. I feel like - as a modern professional woman - I should get to choose whatever combination of career, relationship, and family that Geoff and I decide works best for us.
But am I dreaming? Does the world actually work that way? And is it okay that I feel like I need to have my career in that mix in order to be fulfilled?
I feel guilty for even asking these questions, because my life is charmed and I know it. I look around at my life, and I'm not really sure how I ended up here, but I am 26 years old and - in this moment - I have everything. I honestly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
And it's surprising me to say that this week, because it's actually not a great week to be Lindsay at all. It's a week where the pain in my legs and my back is kind of crowding out everything else and making it hard to focus on my work and other things that are going on.
The funny thing about my illness, though... I'm actually okay with the pain this week. It helps me know that the rest of it is real. If you're all happiness and no hurt, how do you know that you're happy?
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, Cocoon, My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About
posted by Lindsay @ 5:06 PM
1 Comments:
You're asking the 'right' questions...Yes, it is difficult to juggle everything; yes, you will feel guilty if you leave out anything - if you stay home, you will miss the stimulation and fulfillment of work: if you work, you will miss a few things in one's relationships, etc. Just stay true to what you need to fulfill you as a woman under God's leadership and that will be right for you. Life is difficult and this is one manifestation.
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