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An Unexpected Encounter

I had such a good night last night. I certainly didn’t expect things to turn out that way, not after the week I had. I was tired and – thanks to my ever-constant friend called fibro – I felt physically beat up. Weary would be the right word, I think. Or exhausted. Or just plain, old-fashioned TIRED.

Last night, as I rushed around to get ready for the evening’s plans, I felt this compulsive need to just stop. I found myself sitting on the couch and pausing in all my busyness to just BE. And in that quiet, I realized what had been going wrong in my world all week. I realized that, in the midst of my chaos, I had made myself busier and crazier trying to get everything back in order – and that I’d failed to do the one thing that I should have done at the very beginning. You know it. Finally, at the end of my positively hellish week, I paused and talked to God about it.

I feel like I made him sad. He told me that he’d been right there the whole time, wanting to help – but waiting for me to ask. And I never did.

I’ve spent the weeks since our trip feeling pulled in seventeen thousand directions, playing so many roles, wearing so many hats (and I do not even look good in hats). Within the space of a week, I am a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, an aunt, an account manager, a coworker, a consultant, a writer, a mentor, a worship leader, a woman… It’s hard to know where to stop. And I feel like God gave me a great big hug last night when he told me quite simply that I needed to concentrate on one role and one role only: I am his child. As long as I focus on that and do it the best way I know how, the rest will come. If I’m focused on loving the people around me and becoming a little more Christ-like every day, how can I fail at anything I need to do? He saved us so that we could be free. And I am free of the pressure to do all those roles perfectly, and to just pour my heart into one.

I feel so light, so hopeful. My body is tired and weary, but my soul is refreshed.

Labels: Faith the Universe and Everything, My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About

posted by Lindsay @ 12:23 PM