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Learning Resilience

I received an inspiring article from ChronicBabe.com in my inbox today, and I had to share it with all of you. Jenni (who runs the site) is one of the most inspiring people I've ever come in contact with, and totally personifies what it means to live well despite an illness - and even to embrace it and let it become something that makes you a more compassionate, positive, and resilient person.

This article is on the topic of - you guessed it - resilience. What really struck me about it was the APA quote where they state that resilience is not something you ARE - it's something you DO.

Life comes down the choices, with few exceptions. Even the things that happen to us leave us with choices and how we will deal with the changes in our lives. As my mom told me a thousand times when I was growing up, every tough thing that life throws at you can either make you bitter or it can make you better - and it's your choice.

Today, I woke up feeling pretty crappy. Everything hurts, and I've been sleeping poorly all week so far. I don't think it helps that it's suddenly dropped to -31 with the windchill. In any case, it's not fair that I feel this way at 26. So what. My life overall is pretty sweet, and no one promised that life was fair (in fact, I'm pretty sure the Bible just about guarantees the opposite).

As I was doing my make-up this morning, I looked in the mirror and said to Reflection Lindsay, 'Today, I choose better.' Sounds lame, I'm sure, but it made a huge difference in how I'm tackling my day. (Hey, I bet my mom doesn't know that I do that... Funny.)

And then I got to work and found this article in my inbox. The universe is so funny sometimes.

I hope that you choose 'better' today too.

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Excerpts from:
I am one resilient Babe! And I bet you are, too
by Jenni Prokopy

Dictionary.com offers this definition of resiliency: "The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy."

Wikipedia describes resiliency this way: "Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and catastrophe."

Here's my definition: "Resiliency is the ability to get your act together after bad stuff happens, no matter how long it takes or how much you need to ask for help."

Some people seem to be born resilient—they simply embody a natural ability to get through the tough stuff, learning from it, moving forward, not allowing their negative experiences to slow them down. Other people learn resilience—they receive counseling, they dig into resources on coping, they ask friends and family to guide them.

The American Psychological Association (APA) says resilience "is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone." So you, too, can learn resilience.

Maybe you're a newly diagnosed ChronicBabe and you're not sure you're strong enough to live well with illness. Or maybe you've been a sick chick for a long time, but still struggle to make it through rough patches. Either way, there are tools you can learn to boost your resilience.

The APA has a list of 10 things you can do to build resilience, and I've added my own commentary so you can see how one ChronicBabe is applying their advice. (You can try a few or all of these, or just start with one for now...they're all helpful.)

1. Make connections. When I started to notice I was hermitting more than usual, I knew it was a bad sign—and immediately made plans with a few friends. Getting out for a networking event, Project Runway night at my pal Linda's, or a movie with my best friend Natalie have all helped me stay connected and meet new folks.

2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. About five weeks after the storm, I was really freaking out about the mounting questions and concerns we had. It seemed impossible to handle it all! So I made a huge list of everything I was worried about, and started tackling items one by one. Soon I had crossed off half the list and I felt like I could accomplish my goals, one small item at a time.

3. Accept that change is a part of living. This idea I've lived with for over a decade, going from a lean and mean competitive swimmer to an "I can swim for 10 minutes before I get winded" kind of gal. So I can't swim so much...big deal. I can still swim some, and I have the cutest bathing suits for my 10-minute workouts.

4. Move toward your goals. See number two. And the photo of me, exhausted, setting up my new office in spite of it. Maybe you can't accomplish things as quickly as you once imagined, but that's no reason to give up. Get creative! Get proactive! Get a day planner and book time every day to reach for your goals and dreams.

5. Take decisive actions. There were times I wanted to deny what was going on. (Remember what I said about turning off the phone and curling up on the couch?) But it actually felt better to tackle tough issues instead. Now that I'm off the couch and getting things done, I feel SO much more in control (a feeling we ChronicBabes sometimes miss more than anything!)

6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. You probably don't want to hear it. But it's true: hard situations often change us for the better. Since the storm, my tolerance for B.S. is nil, and I'm way more protective of my time and energy—qualities I strived for for a long time that now feel natural. What took me so long? At least I'm here now.

7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. For me, this has meant getting back into my self-care routine, doing my make-up each day and getting pedicures, and trying to recognize all the things I have done well since the storm, like eating better, getting back into a regular sleep pattern, and going back to work. I feel really proud of myself for doing all that, when at first all I wanted to do was cry and sleep.

8. Keep things in perspective. All I have to do is think of how my sister Meredith and her husband Mike handled life in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Or of the many women who write to me who live with far worse ailments than my own. It's not that I pity them, or that I'm discounting what I'm going through...but it keeps me looking at the big picture.

9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. At first I thought, ugh, so much work has to happen on our home. Now, I'm getting excited about having new appliances and painting and woodwork and floors and ceilings and light fixtures...it's exciting! By staying focused on the good that is to come, I keep from getting too bummed out.

10. Take care of yourself. See number seven. The downside of our temporary apartment: it's not our condo. The upside: it has a pool, so I can swim every day. Fantastic! I'm trying hard to get back into my routines and nurture myself when I need it. I take breaks when I feel low or tired, I call friends when I need a boost, I eat healthy meals (mostly), I write about my feelings, I meditate...rinse and repeat.

There are even more resources on this topic at the APA web site.

Resilience is achievable. Perfection is not, so don't think you can follow these steps by the book and everything will be perfectly rosy, because that's just not how it works. But you can become more resilient, and consequently, enjoy your life so much more even if you're experiencing something horrible. You just need to give it a try, a little bit every day.

I've worked at it for a long time (why do you think ChronicBabe came into existence?) and you can see how it has paid off: I'm facing the biggest hurdle of my life and I'm doing okay. Heck, better than okay! I'm still having fun and laughing and looking forward to good things to come. So I know you can do it too. I believe in you, the same way my friends and support team believe in me.

Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, My Life, Stuff I Found Online, Stuff I'm Thinking About

posted by Lindsay @ 11:02 AM