runlindsayrun

The Middle of the Storm

I know that it's perfectly okay for me to have emotional days sometimes. With everything that's going on in my world right now, I know they are more than justified - they're probably downright healthy. But I'm finding them so hard to accept.

I don't know how it's possible to feel so happy and so sad at the same time. Together with arguably the highest high of my pregnancy so far, I'm feeling some of the lowest lows I've felt about my mom being sick. It's all left me feeling very... confused. And crying (a lot). And not always understanding why, or where those tears are coming from.

My mom is doing incredibly well after this last round of chemo. Her physical symptoms are the mildest they've been so far. It's just all the other stuff - you can tell that everyone here is getting tired, and the burden is feeling heavy. We're officially half way through chemo now. And with the surgeries before and the radiation coming after, it's really kind of like the middle point of this whole nightmare. I wish there was some way to fix it. But it's taking on a life of its own now, and moving from a scary new adventure to something resembling a routine. And that might be the scariest part of all - when all of this starts to feel normal.

On days like today, I'm particularly grateful for my husband - who doesn't get scared when I break down in the middle of Superstore with no advance warning whatsoever. Or at least if he is scared, he covers it well. Not just any man would stop and wrap his arms around you in the middle of a grocery store aisle on a busy Saturday morning, hold you right there until the storm passed, and then take your hand and keep on going like nothing had happened at all.

Labels: Can You Handle The Truth?, Family, The Boy, The C Word

posted by Lindsay @ 12:44 AM