Six More Sleeps
My mood today? Scared. I have six sleeps to go until my long-awaited appointment with the fibromyalgia specialist on Thursday morning. And that leaves me with a weird feeling in my stomach, a combination of pure hope and pure terror.This appointment is scheduled smack dab in the middle of Arthritis Month AND Invisible Chronic Illness Week, so that has to be a good sign. Right?
Well, here are the reasons why this upcoming appointment makes me feel scared (in no particular order):
(1) I am scared of the unknown. I have absolutely no idea what to expect from this doctor, or from this appointment.
(2) I am scared of needles, and of feeling MORE pain. I know that he specializes in acupuncture, and just the word makes me cringe.
(3) I am scared of being un-beautiful. I know how easily I bruise, and if we decide to go the acupuncture route, I am scared of being covered in bruises and feeling anything less than superfoxy in my damaged skin.
(4) I am scared of disappointment - that he won't be able to help me. This doctor is my last resort in Winnipeg. If he can't help, I'll be forced to check into options in other cities, and who-knows-what cost.
I want to be realistic, and to set myself up for disappointment so that I won't have to cry on Thursday night. But I promised myself years ago that I would never, ever give up hope. And so, here I am. Setting myself up one more time. Hoping that maybe - just maybe - this might finally be the thing that helps me.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About
posted by Lindsay @ 1:08 PM
3 Comments:
It would be wonderful if something great would be possible - so keep hope alive:) AND it is just fine to cry with disappointment if that relieves the frustration.
Hope, hope, hope!!! And we'll keep hoping and praying along with you. (((Hugs)))
I will be thinking of you thursday. Stay strong, Lindsay.
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