Thursday, August 05, 2010

A Rather Tentative Resurrection of Optimism

So my first day on the new meds didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. The second day was a little bit worse. My side effects were more pronounced, and I even managed to pile on a couple of new ones. And my pain was more - which is obviously not really what we were going for.

I reacted strongly. I’m not entirely sure why, but I haven’t spent a lot of time dissecting it. Instead, I’m focusing on just embracing and honouring my emotions so that I can feel them and move on from here. It’s been intense - almost like I’m feeling all the disappointment of all my failed medications over the past two decades. It’s yucky stuff. But if it’s in there (and obviously it was), then it’s better and healthier to get it out.

I took some extra painkillers last night so that I could sleep - not a cure (not by a long shot), but it definitely helped and I finally got to sleep around 2 am. Briony decided to be a sweetheart and pulled an almost 15 hour night, so it turned out to be a decent amount of sleep for me, and I woke up in the morning still exhausted and in pain but ready to do something about this.

My family doctor (and his receptionist) totally failed me again. I called to ask him to phone in a prescription for my original drug out here in BC - as he had offered to do before we left. Apparently, they wouldn’t make an out-of-province call and claimed it was because they were unsure of other provinces’ protocols. I’m pretty sure it was just laziness. I ended up spending the morning at a walk-in clinic in Abbotsford and left quickly with the prescription I needed - easy as pie, other than giving up a half-day that could have been spent doing things that would have been much more fun.

I’ve started back on the original drug (and some stomach and ulcer meds that I had on hand) and hopefully it will be enough to get Briony + I safely home again this weekend.

In terms of what will happen next, I have no clue. I need to decide if I’ll give the new meds another shot (and the full two weeks required for them to show their true worth). And I’ll probably need a significant amount of help with Briony while Geoff is at work. I’m worrying about it a little bit, but I’m choosing not to panic because it always seems to come together. We are so very lucky to be surrounded by as much love and support as we are.

It’s been a rough summer. Not rough compared to plagues or natural disasters or even losing a loved one. But a bit of a tough go for a little family of three just trying to manage our everyday life together.

I’m tired. I’m hurting. My heart is heavy. I’m just waiting for this storm to pass.



At August 06, 2010 3:19 PM, Blogger Lenore @ Lather. Write. Repeat. said...

Sending you happy thoughts Lindsay, sounds like it's been really rough and I hope the sun starts to shine for you soon...


At August 06, 2010 11:38 PM, Blogger Melanie said...

Thinking of you in this challenging journey. Hugs and safe travels.


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