runlindsayrun

I Am NOT The Biggest Loser

It's true. Our final weigh in happened on Friday morning and my team finished in the middle of the pack (again). I'm totally okay with that. My goal for this round (beginning the second week of January) was to lose 8 pounds and I lost 8.5. How can I be disappointed? It is not a big number, but it's big progress - especially when I give myself some credit and factor in being as busy as I am *and* dealing with arthritis + fibro + chronic fatigue. I'm actually kind of proud of myself.

I've updated my little weight loss ticker on here to reflect my progress since September 2009 - and my overall goal weight for December 2010. There are no immediate plans for another round of Biggest Loser-style competition, but I don't think that matters to me. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. If I hit my goal by the end of this year, that's awesome. If I don't, it's no big deal. If I continue to eat well and exercise in a way that's healthy and respectful of whatever my body is able to do on any given day, then my weight will sort itself out and whatever weight I am will be the weight that I am supposed to be. I honestly believe that. This 'extra' weight isn't 'extra' at all - it was necessary to grow a healthy baby. And now that I don't need it anymore, it is slowly coming off again.

Can you believe that LINDSAY actually said that? And MEANT IT? I think we should all pause for a second and celebrate that bit of progress.

There are so many positive things that have come out of these two rounds of competition for me:

1. I've started focusing on myself again. It's not just about weight loss - it's about making time for myself and taking care of ALL of me. It's about what I eat and how active I am, but it's equally about MAKING time to read a book or go for a walk or buy jeans that fit or have a bubble bath. I'd lost some of that after becoming a mommy, and I feel like I'm finding it again.

2. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin again. I still look in the mirror and see a chubby girl, but I'm hating that reflection less and less. I'm starting to appreciate my body for what it has done for me (and Briony). It's not perfect, but it's strong and capable and my respect for my body is growing every day.

3. I'm really beginning to see that I CAN DO THIS. And on the weeks that don't go according to plan, I'm okay. It's not about a weekly weigh in, it's about long term goals and making myself healthier. If I gain the odd pound along the way before losing it again, that's okay. It really is.

4. I've taken steps to take better care of myself. Part of improving my overall health was addressing some of the things that were holding me back. I'm back on meds for depression and anxiety and it's going really well, I think. I took care of an eye problem that I should have taken care of YEARS ago. And I started to see a physiotherapist for a stress incontinence issue that started after I had Briony and kept me from being able to exercise (sorry if that was TMI, but I'm learning that I can't be embarrassed about it). I still can't take up running again, and I might not ever be able to, but it's getting better - and it makes me feel like I'm in control of my body again. This was a critical step in this process for me, and one that I only finally took in February.

5. I'm seeing the first tiny signs of how these changes are all adding up to help me be a better wife, a better mommy, and a better friend. Not every day... But I can already see how being happier with myself allows me to be more available and more present in what's going on around me. Just the promise of that is pretty strong motivation to keep going with this.

More thoughts to follow on this topic, I'm sure - because this is a journey and it's far from over.

Labels: Loser, Stuff I'm Thinking About

posted by Lindsay @ 12:10 PM