Learning To Let Go
It's Wednesday again... What is it with this stupid day?! It's exhausting.I attempted to be a good wife last night and actually made dinner - and Amber's ridiculously amazing Strawberry & Rhubarb Crisp (with the organic vanilla ice cream from Superstore) for dessert. Brilliant. Except that I managed to increase the temperature of our kitchen well beyond the daily high temperature in hell, and I never really cooled back down after that.
Eventually, Geoff took pity on me and hooked up my little television in our room so that I could watch the Olympics from directly in front of our window-unit air conditioner, sprawled out on the bed like a dog on the hottest day of the year. Lovely picture, isn't it? :)
I managed to get to sleep, but I was wide awake for almost two hours right in the middle of the night - just worrying. I hate that. My worry du jour is about finances. We have so many baby things left to get, and I only have a few paycheques left before I'm down to 55% of what I'm used to bringing home. I realize that people with half of our household income and double our debt have babies all the time... I'm working on letting go.
Some of you have been asking how I'm feeling. I'm hanging in there. I still wake up every day in pain, but I'm choosing to focus on other things. The drugs that would 'fix' this (read: mask my symptoms) would hurt my baby girl, so I don't really see much of a need to whine or complain - there just isn't another option, other than taking better care of myself and putting one foot in front of the other. Another area where I need to master the delicate art of letting go. I'm working on it. It's not as easy as I'm making it sound.
Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, The Boy
posted by Lindsay @ 12:18 PM
6 Comments:
I'm a worrier too. It's tough letting go of that stuff. I think my worrying is a bit of a coping mechanism. When I worry about stuff it generally wind up not being even half as bad as I worried - which is a nice surprise.
Take your finances for example. 55% sounds like a HUGE drop, and don't get me wrong, it's noticeable, BUT it's not as bad as it seems once you're in it.
Your lifestyle changes - again, not as drastically as "they" all say if you don't want it to, but it inevitably changes. You don't want for as much because you have so much more in a different way. We thought having a baby would cost WAY more than it has. Now I'm just worried about the dreaded teen years where apparently the need for food is tenfold!
Hope that doesn't sound preachy, that's the last thing I'm going for. I just say, live in the moment and if it's a moment of worry, embrace it and when you're ready, put it in a bubble and blow it away - it will be taken care of, of that you can be sure. Sounds like you're doing just that.
Two other things:
1. Mmm strawberry & rhubarb crisp.
2. You are my hero for surviving this heat as a pregnant woman.
Thank you SO much, Nicole.
Perfect words, as usual :)
You and Nicole are a good pair. I feel 'up' just reading your words. I guess your 'chef' role wouldn't let you just eat the ice cream on its own on a hot day?
The money thing totally sucks. 55% sucks. Budgetting is VERY necessary but then getting paid every two weeks (instead of bi-monthly) has been such a big adjustment. I really have to keep track of what's going in and out when because all my payments are monthly and don't care if the cheque will be there tomorrow. They want money today.
Even worse? Having Kris ask if I need money. I don't NEED money. I just like money. I like how I used to be able to go and only have to justify a purchase to myself. It's hard being an independant in a joint relationship.
But we make it work. Because she's so cute there's no way we're sending her back...
Oh, and I guess you don't want to hear about how Kris just installed central air and I keep it turned OFF all day because I hate it? We have, like, 3 weeks of good, hot weather. Why wreck it by making the place cold? If our relationship survives central air, I think anything else will be easy... That said, I'm glad my baby arrived in May. I'd recommend it for numero deux. ;)
You know, we actually do better now than when we had two incomes. I think it's just a matter of seeing where the money goes. It's not as bad as it seems going into it. You guys will do great!
I'm going to stop complaining now about my swollen hands and feet from the humidity and heat because I'm NOT pregnant. I had two summer babies. On two hot years. I feel your pain. No worries, though...as my mom likes to say right about this time of year "it's almost winter!" I hate it when she says that. I always want summer to last longer. Hang in there (by your air conditioner if needs be!).
And could you post that recipe or email it to me for the strawberry rhubarb crisp? I'm feeling the need for some!
I can completely understand why the worry, but I look at this support you have here from friends who care so much about you, and I can say with complete confidence that it's all going to work out, you'll see :)
And I'm glad my rhubarb crisp recipe could bring you a little bit of happy, too! I don't like mentioning my blog in other people's comments, but Nikki and Erin - you can find the recipe here :)
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