Wednesday, June 13, 2007

To Diet or Not To Diet

If you can't handle the truth, there are millions of other websites that you can go read. And in that spirit of authenticity, here's what's going on in my head today.

I have struggled with my weight practically forever. More accurately, I have struggled with how I *feel* about my weight - in reality, I've never really been that big. But I can remember feeling fat as early as kindergarten, and comparing myself to other girls in my class. I have always cared so much about what I perceive other people are thinking about me. And those things - combined with a personality that demands perfection and control - pretty much made me a classic case of a girl at risk to develop an eating disorder. I didn't know that until I was in my early twenties, in therapy to try to beat bulimia - which I eventually did.

And so here I am. Probably 40 pounds heavier than I was in high school. About to turn 26. About to get married. About to start dedicated training for the Athens marathon. And feeling so much societal pressure to diet.

But here's the thing: I don't think I can do it. I've fought SO HARD to get to a healthy weight, to a place where I can feel pretty good about myself. A place where I can actually enjoy food again instead of being scared of it. I'm not willing to risk all of those things just to quickly drop 5 or 10 pounds before the wedding. Never mind the whole fibromyalgia thing, the marathon training thing, and the fact that my wedding is only three and a half months away.

Now I'm not entirely sure if that is a voice of empowerment talking, or if I'm just too scared to try. I choose the former, but I'm a tiny bit uncomfortable about the idea of the latter.

How 'bout you guys? Is anyone else brave enough to share about the moment you finally felt good about yourself and how you look? Did you try to lose weight before your wedding? Would you do it differently, knowing what you know now?

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At June 13, 2007 12:46 PM, Anonymous Marilyn said...

It has been said that "the moment of absolute certainty never comes". When one can live with that knowledge, life becomes a bit easier (relating to thinking about what weight one should ideally be). I know that considering how active I am able to be depends on how heavy I am, adds control to my eating. I recommend a lifestyle that is healthy rather than dieting to lose pounds. It sounds like you are on the right track. If you feel the need to lose weight for health's sake, don't stress about it, use a smaller plate(:

At June 13, 2007 12:50 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

Ok, this may sound redundant, but I believe it is just a matter of changing your lifestyle as opposed to "dieting" I hate dieting and actually refuse to do it. There is never a full proof plan anyway. The best is to reduce portion sizes, which is hard when you love food (and I truely do) and sometimes just eat for taste. That's why i did the weight watchers thing for a bit, just to help me reduce the amount of food I was atuclly consuming. It just helps give you some perspective on your calorie intake. I was a little shocked to see what I was taking in and I was starving hungry for the 1st 2 weeks, but it put me on the right track. You don't have to give up the stuff you like either, just eat it in moderation. I felt WAY better after that, not so bloated all the time (I think over eating will do that to you). And I exercise. Toning and tightening exercises do wonders. Anyway, sorry for my rant, but you asked.
By the way, I think you look amazing. I know we all have areas about our bodies we want to change, and we are entitled to feel the way we do. All I can say is, you have to do whatever you think is right and good for you, despite what society wants to tell us. You are beautiful inside and out and you will look like a picture out of a magazine in your dress.

At June 13, 2007 1:14 PM, Blogger Lindsay said...

Totally agree.

I am constantly aware of what's going in my mouth and how many calories, fat, etc. I'm consuming in a day... But if I am absolutely craving chocolate cake, I'll have a bite of chocolate cake (not the whole cake!).

Life is so short. And if you're eating in a healthy way the rest of the week, and you're living an active lifestyle... Then it's all just part of being balanced and healthy. And if you're balanced and healthy, then 'diet' should never need to be a part of your vocabulary.

At June 13, 2007 1:16 PM, Blogger ka said...

Maybe it's because everyone and their dog is pregnant right now, but I had a *moment* a couple months back where it occured to me that this is quite possibly the best I'm ever going to look in my life so I bloody well should be enjoying it. Don't get me wrong, lots of people come through pregnancy and bounce back and look great, blah, blah, blah. But few of us will emerge skinnier and more toned than ever. So if I don't enjoy this now, I am BOUND to look back on it in 20 years and want to smack myself silly for thinking I could stand to shave a few off right now.

Everything in moderation. I've been 40 pounds heavier. Just like I don't go out and buy everything I want when it, I don't eat everything I want when I want it.

However, life is too short to not have ANY fun... Including fun food. :)

At June 13, 2007 3:30 PM, Blogger Gloria said...

Screw it I say! There is obviously a "chubby market" out there, our men are proof of it (not that I am calling you chubby, YOU did that). You may be heavier than you have ever been, but you yourself said you were skinny through unhealthy methods, so its' not fair to compare!

Geoff proposed to YOU, not to your possible skinny you, the you that you are today, (or at least WHERE a few weeks ago). He didn't say, loose 40#s and I'll produce a ring.

If you feel healthy, great! Do nothing. If you feel a little ill, leave off the french fries for a bit and eat caesar salad! If it says salad, its' got to be better for you. LOL

At June 13, 2007 11:32 PM, Blogger Erin said...

You know, after being really sick when I was in my early teens and only weighing 65 lbs, I said I'd never worry about how I looked even if I was a few pounds overweight, that's better than being thin and sick. I think you're perfect the way you are. You say you are heavier than you were in highschool, but being that I was your "people" in highschool and knowing you now, you are more beautiful today than you have ever been. I'm so proud of how far you've come. You are a SUPERFOX!

At June 14, 2007 9:29 AM, Anonymous Sara Beth said...

As a heavier girl, I can say that I didn't diet at all before my wedding and didn't mind at all. Secure yourself in the love of your husband and you soon forget about an extra curve here and there. That's true for your wedding day or any other day afterwards.

The only thing I would say if you're looking for advice for the big day, is make very very sure you're happy with your dress. I loved mine when I tried it on, but the ladies in the store said I should order it a size bigger. When it came in, it just didn't fit the same. I have curves and the dress I tried on hugged every one of them, made me feel gorgeous. The one I ordered was just a bit looser and kinda just made me feel like a big marshmallow. I tell myself that I loved the dress and I looked great, but in my heart of hearts I loved the other dress better.

Just make sure you love how you look in the dress!

And I don't think I have had a chance to say congrats yet! Congrats, Cuz, and you will be gorgeous on your big day, er-oops-small joke, special day; you always have been to me!

At June 14, 2007 3:38 PM, Blogger Lindsay said...

KA - I think that all the time. I don't want to obsess about my weight now, because I know that I'm going to look back on this time and wish for my 25-year-old body.

Gloria - Amazing logic. This is why I like you.

Erin - And that is why we are (still) friends. Because you are so positive and encouraging. And because I can so easily influence your vocabulary.

Sara Beth - The dress is foxy and I feel foxy in it. And you were foxy in yours!


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