The Superfox Manifesto
aka Things You're Supposed to Think and Not SayThis is by no means directed to anyone in particular. None of the people who actually need to hear this read my blog. I just feel better when I get things out of my head and out into the world :)
I know that everyone's happy for Geoff and I, and the news of our engagement and upcoming marriage. And that's amazing, incredible, wonderful. We want - and need - your love and support and congratulations.
But I have a little secret, and my secret is this:
You rob me of a tiny little piece of my joy when you use the f-word around me.
I have a dream that someday people will be able to let go of their preconceived ideas of what is 'normal' when it comes to love, life, and happiness. I am very much aware that I'm older than the 'normal' age for a church-going young woman from a small town to be getting married. But in terms of our country's general urban population (which is the world I've chosen to live in), I'm still *years* younger than the average. So is Geoff, for that matter.
I found a journal entry a few months ago that I'd written when I was 19. In it, I was musing about the fact that so many of my friends were getting married and commenting that - if I had any say in it - I thought that 26 would be the 'ideal' age for my own wedding. Of course, people don't get a heck of a lot of say in when and how they fall in love. But it's funny how things work out sometimes: I'm turning 26 in two and a half weeks.
Which is probably why hearing the f-word is so confusing and upsetting to me. In my day-to-day world, I am constantly hearing things like, 'Getting married?! Holy cow! You're so young!' But when I come home and spend time with friends and family - and all the people I know and love the most - there it is again: the f-word.
What is the f-word, you ask? FINALLY.
This engagement doesn't feel like FINALLY to me. It feels right on time, and kind of strangely perfect. We are going to be 26 and 32 on our wedding day, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I can't speak for Geoff (LOL, I'm almost his wife - of course I can!), but I loved my eight years between high school and today, and I know that I'm a happier and more confident woman for having had that 'single adventure time' on my own. I had a heck of a lot of fun and grew one impressively strong backbone. I did things that scared me shitless, I loved and hurt and pieced myself back together again (and again [and again]), and - most importantly - I figured out exactly who I am and exactly what I want.
So it hurts me when you talk about how you thought this day would never come for me. Or when you make comments like 'what do people do when "older" people get married? do you still have a shower for them?' I smile and laugh it off, but it cuts somewhere deep inside of me. Because I don't feel abnormal. Not until other people make me feel that way.
I know that you're happy for us. I love that. I really, really love that. But please be happy for us in exactly the same way that you were happy for all your other friends and family who got married in their own perfect time. Maybe 18 or 20 or 22 was perfect for you. But 26 is perfect for me. And in the end, we're all happily and wonderfully NORMAL.
Labels: My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About, Wedding
posted by Lindsay @ 10:42 PM
6 Comments:
**thinking to self as she reads this post: when have I ever used f*&% around Lindsay?**
ROFL! I can't believe people are saying that to you. I thought you just graduated from high school.
You go girlfriend! People are insensitive to the max. Surround yourself with lovely people like yours truly.
(PLUS surrounded by the aforementioned, you appear as a spring chicken and are WAY too young to be getting married...)
I agree with your comments, Lindsay, (not that I hear f...very often.) The maturity that both you and Geoff bring to your relationship is a big plus; but everyone keeps on 'growing' all of one's life so this is just a part of the process/journey anyway. Perhaps the person using f...is saying something about her/himself?
Lindsay,
I am TOTALLY happy for you. I think that God has a perfect time for each of us to meet that special someone (or to be happy without) and it isn't always when people around us think it should be. I always imagined myself going to university, teaching for a few years AND then getting married at around 25.
Well I am 25 and I have been married 4 years (as of June 14). I never would have planned my life this way but I love it. I know what you mean though, in "city life" getting married before 25 is crazy. People at university always thought I was insane for being married but people around here thought I should have been married right after high school.
I haven't met Geoff but I can tell by the way you talk about him and what I know about you that this is exactly the right guy AND the right time for you. As my mom would say...Be a Duck! Let all of those stupid comments just run off your back.
On behalf of unmarried 26 year olds who were also born and raised in small towns, what are you doing getting married so young?!?! :)
I always said if I was married before 25 that someone should smack me upside the head. I think you can be very happily married young, but I knew I wanted a few years of being Fabulously Single and Unattached (remember the kiddie pool and martinins??). Unfortunately my Mom remembers the 25 age mark. I should have said 30.
And here I was thinking this entire post that the f-word was "family" as in, "when does the family start..." UGH. Because you know that's next. I feel for you babe...
PooPoo on the F-slingers! Who made THEM the judge and jury to the perfect age to get married?
Being someone who got married straight out of highschool (shush Crys), I think some personal time between school and marriage would have been VERY beneficial to both my own mental health and the health of our marriage.
I think knowing who you are, before you get married, no matter if it takes 2 months after highschool or 20 years after highschool, is very important and will make you that much more able to deal with the struggles you will encounter when you are married.
lindsay,
i totally agree with you, and i never even THOUGHT "finally!" when i found out about your engagement. my best friend from a small town in SK is 28 and single, but i don't think she's "still" single, and it's not like i'm sitting around, waiting for her to get engaged. my husband and i were both almost 24 when we got married, and now i feel like we were a bit young, even though at the time i was seriously dealing with "finallys" myself! anyway, i am very happy for you with no f-words attached. =)
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