The Art and Science of Grieving
The older you are, the more bad news you will have received - that's a basic, logical fact. Something that's not quite as rational is when you grieve - the who, the where, the why.I've always had a hard time with that. There's some part of me that is very socially aware, and knowing that there are people out there with more reasons to grieve than I have makes me hesitant to grieve at all. I'm so afraid to take away the legitimacy of someone else's grief by adding in any of my own.
But I'm abandoning all of that today. And I'm just letting myself hurt. Not because of any logical, rational reason. But just because I hurt, and because that hurt needs a place to go in order to heal.
The art of grieving is so individual, so incredibly and fascinatingly unique. Some people need to crawl inside of themselves, and others need to surround themselves with people. Some need a clear mind to think through every facets of their emotions and experiences, and others need to drown and dull those same emotions in order to keep going. Some can't sleep and others can't wake up. Everyone operates on their own basic survival instincts, but no one's instincts are the same.
Geoff and I ran into each other in our grief last night. I've been reeling a little bit all week, and unable to sleep. He got the news yesterday afternoon that a friend of his had died unexpectedly, so his grief was raw. Our house last night would have been a fascinating case study for someone if you'd been able to peek inside the window (and you could have, because the living room curtains aren't up yet). Interestingly, we both needed to keep busy. I hid in the kitchen and made dinner. He worked on installing his TV in the living room. But as much as I needed some space to be alone and process what I was feeling, I needed to know that he was there. I kept on coming out of the kitchen and needing to see him, or needing a hug - no words at all (because I could see that he needed his own space), but then I could go back to what I was doing. He probably would have been fine if I'd gone home and left him alone. But maybe it was the best marriage training we could have had.
I slept so well last night, finally. But I seriously wish I hadn't. Because even though I'm wide awake today, it hurts so much to wake up and have to remember all over again.
Labels: My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About
posted by Lindsay @ 8:45 AM
2 Comments:
(((Hugs))) to you both! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Geoff and all the friends and family of the friend who died.
On that note of grief, I'm very much relating to your statement "I'm so afraid to take away the legitimacy of someone else's grief by adding in any of my own." That's how I've felt about Joey's death. I haven't let myself think or grieve because there are so many who must grieve for him. When I saw the picture on Facebook that Charlene had posted I could almost not contain the overwhelming emotion. I had to get out of the house and walk. It's so sad and unfathomable. I grieve for his family, for his close friends. I grieve for such a young life cut short. I grieve for pain that needed a relief he couldn't find.
the thoughts and prayers of everyone who knew him, even briefly makes the world of difference to all of us...just knowing that you are thinking of him, his life, and how he impacting your own life is heart warming. it doesn't matter if you knew him ten years ago, or a month ago...Joey's life needs to be celebrated, so...keep thinking of the memories...they mean so much more then you will ever know...
Lindsay...I know what you are going through, my heart aches for you both. for your loss. I know that I don't know Geoff, and I didn't know his friend...but my heart aches for the pain that you must endure to heal...you are both in my thoughts and prayers...
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