Letting Go
Okay, I know I've been a little bit MIA here... It was a weird, emotional week and I just needed some time to come to terms with it all before I could attempt to put it into words. I'm going to do a little brain-dump here and try my best to explain what's in my head right now.I had some really good talks with God this week. I know that he wants me to trust him more, and I've been fighting it. It's not that I don't trust that he's capable of big, miraculous things. It's that I don't trust that he cares about all the little details of my life.
I realized this week that I don't believe that God wants good things for me. Somewhere along the way, I got this flawed idea that my life was going to be about doing my best and working to create little pockets of happiness in the midst of hard things. I don't trust that God wants me to experience joy. Which has been contributing to all kinds of stress for me lately, because my life is pretty amazing right now - and I haven't been able to truly enjoy it. Instead, I'm sitting here skeptically, waiting for the catch. I'm scared that every good thing is eventually going to be balanced with something equally bad. And God told me this weekend that I need to stop limiting him. I need to stop believing that he wants to do awesome things in the lives of everyone else, and not in mine.
Something amazing happened this weekend. I let go. It felt like I was a little girl again, ready to believe that the world is full of good things - and that those good things are meant for me. I'm ready to embrace all the good things in my life, without fear.
I woke up this morning and looked outside my window, and I swear the world looked more beautiful than I've ever seen it before.
Labels: Faith the Universe and Everything, My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About
posted by Lindsay @ 11:49 PM
4 Comments:
Oh, Lindsay...I'm happy for your revelation. This is often a struggle with me, one day I'm going to wake up and all these amazing things are going to be snatched away. But He really is loving and gracious and truly does want the best for us...health, love, peace, strength...I pray all these things for you!
That's really beautiful, Lindsay.
Thanks for sharing.
...I'm sitting here skeptically, waiting for the catch. I'm scared that every good thing is eventually going to be balanced with something equally bad.
Lindsay, I can relate too well to those words. You live with anxiety just waiting for the bomb to fall or you don't want to get too excited over something in fear that it'll only be balanced out with the next breath. I'm am happy to hear that you were able to let it go. Childlike faith my friend!
Isn't it funny how we all struggle with the same things, in the secret of our own hearts? I wish that Christians talked about this stuff more. It's scary to take off the masks we wear, but I'm finding that - with every layer that's stripped away - I'm learning more about myself, I'm feeling closer and closer to God, and I'm getting better at loving other people.
This is definitely one of those truths that makes me so happy that faith is a destination and not a journey. Lots of growing left to do :)
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