Sunday, May 02, 2010

Getting Back Up

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.
~ Mary Pickford

It's been a long weekend (and not in a good way). Geoff's been working nights, Briony's been sleeping terribly thanks to yet another round of teething, and I've been dealing with a week-old flare up of arthritis and fibro symptoms that's starting to turn psychological. There's just something about living with pain and exhaustion at that level for a while that makes me kind of batty. And it makes me super sensitive - I'm disappointed and frustrated in just about everything and everyone. Case in point: I was dangerously close to tears when I *thought* that Geoff didn't like what I made for dinner tonight, and he hadn't said a word.

If I'm being super honest - and it's hard because I HATE this part of me - when it gets this bad, I don't ask for help anymore. I can't risk the hurt of hearing about people's other (read: NORMAL) plans, the things people who don't live with chronic illness do on weekends.

It all makes me want to curl up in bed and stay there. Not that it was a serious option, but I'm glad I didn't... Briony was particularly giggly and fun this evening before I put her to bed. It's absolutely amazing how God matches up babies and families, and how he knew that Briony and I would be a perfect fit. She's incredible. It breaks my heart that she's growing up with a sick mommy, but she deals with it so well. I swear it's like she just KNOWS. And I pray that it will turn out to be a blessing in her life somehow.

But it's days like today that make me so very grateful that tomorrow is a new day. I'm so glad that I can make new choices tomorrow and that I can start the day with a clean slate, full of possibility. Who knows... There's always a possibility that I'll wake up and my pain will be gone - or at least manageable. But just in case, and maybe most importantly, tomorrow will be a day that is full of HELP, with Katie coming in the morning until Geoff wakes up after his shift.

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At May 03, 2010 1:35 PM, Blogger Lindsay said...

I'm sorry to hear that Lindsay. But it's comforting to know you have an outlet. A place to get your feelings down and out. Your blog. It feels good, doesn't it. :-)


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