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Things I Learned By Not Being A Big Loser

Yesterday marked the end of our Biggest Loser competition.

There's another one starting up in January. I haven't signed up yet. I'm happy I did it this fall, but I think that - more than anything - what I learned from this experience is that there are other things I need to deal with before I can address The Weight Issue. And I'm okay with that, I think. Either way, I think I'm going to wait until after Christmas to decide.

The final results are in: I've lost 9.5 pounds since we started in mid-September. From now until eternity, I shall hereafter refer to this as a ten-pound weight loss. And while my goal was *technically* fifteen, I'm content with my ten. Ten pounds in eleven weeks is respectable, I think (especially when I stop and consider everything else going on in my life at the same time). Was I hoping for ten + oh, let's say FORTY? Yeah, maybe. But I'm still hoping for a money tree, for skin that doesn't glow a creepy iridescent blue during eleven months of the year and then lobster-burn painfully during those other four weeks, for not having to choose between blindness or wearing glasses or sticking little pieces of plastic in my eyes or paying someone obscene amounts of money to cut my eyeballs and then burn them with lasers. Life is full of small disappointments.

As I pondered this accomplishment yesterday, I realized that I've learned more than a few things on this journey so far.

I've learned to be gentle(r) with myself. Losing weight when your body is broken is possible, but it will not go as smoothly as it might for someone healthier. I'm never going to be that girl who drops a couple of pounds a week - and it has absolutely nothing to do with effort or determination.

I've learned to focus more on what I CAN do, and less on what I CAN'T. I hate that I can't make it through my 30 Day Shred DVD because my body can only take a couple of days at a time. But on days when I can't get 'real' exercise, I can still walk or do yoga or just take the stairs a couple of extra times - and I do.

I've learned that makeovers start on the inside. I probably should have gotten my depression more under control first. It didn't do me any harm to do it this way, but I honestly feel that I might have been effective if I'd switched those two steps around.

I've learned that how I feel about myself isn't as attached to my weight as I thought it was. The cold hard truth is that I felt prettier ten pounds ago (weird, isn't it?). I'm still not sure why, but I'm working on it.

I've learned that I need to take better care of myself. When my days get busy, I'm the first thing that gets sacrificed. I am particularly bad about making doctor's appointments for myself. There are health issues that prevent me from exercising effectively that I should have dealt with a long time ago, and you know what? I still haven't. But I'm going to deal with it now. Seriously.

I've learned that money does not motivate me. Neither did my competitors. This challenge was ALL about me, which came as a surprise because I'm a pretty competitive person. But it made me realize that I will be able to do this on my own if I want to... And it's going to be at my own pace. I know it will take a really long time, but the results will be worth it.

Labels: Loser

posted by Lindsay @ 11:05 AM