runlindsayrun

Healing

Near the end of last week, I had a little bit of a meltdown. It was small as far as meltdowns go, but I feel like it deserves to be noted. I was so tempted to just blame in on sleep deprivation and the emotion of the last five week or so of my life, but I don't think that's fair. I think that everything I was feeling was completely legitimate. I was just feeling all the weight of my mom's cancer all over again as I begin to notice the signs that she's getting tired from the radiation treatments and their rigorous schedule. I know that it's making her better, that it's part of her healing process. It's incredibly hard to watch sometimes, but there's also nowhere else I'd rather be - and it's an honour to experience all the highs and lows of this journey alongside her. But it seems like every couple of weeks at least, I just need to process and feel it all over again so that each layer of this experience can heal before it's covered up and we can move on.

On Saturday, Briony and I spent the day at Val's where we participated in a family tradition of Christmas baking together with my mom, my grandma, and my aunts. We got a lot of baking done - and we left Val's place so far beyond exhausted that it might take a couple of days to catch up again - but the highlight of my day was getting to spend some time with my mom. It was exactly what I'd been needing, and I didn't even know it. Somewhere in the course of that day, I found a little bit of healing just by being close to her.

After we finished up, I drove her back to Niverville and Briony and I had a sleepover at my parents' house (Geoff was working a night shift). This morning, my dad was awake when Briony woke up for breakfast just before 7 am. After she finished eating, he offered to take her so that I could go back to sleep - and both my parents surprised me by keeping her and taking care of her next feeding so that I could sleep straight through until after 11. Amazing. I was so incredibly grateful. I think it's amazing that, in the middle of an experience that is sucking up so much of my parents' energy, they can still give to me like that. My daughter is so blessed to be loved so much by so many people.

Labels: Briony, Christmas, Family, The C Word

posted by Lindsay @ 9:26 PM