Little Miracles
I'm rounding the corner to the end of my first trimester - the finish line is in sight! I can't tell y'all how happy that makes me.This week was the first time that I found myself relaxing a little tiny bit about this whole pregnancy thing. I have literally been living in constant fear that something will go wrong - which is horrible, I know, but I can't seem to help it. Now I'm just *often* afraid. I just feel like this was too easy, that there must be a catch. Someday, I need to spend more time and energy than I have right now to explore why I feel I don't deserve good things. For today, I'm trying to let go of my fears and just focus on embracing this little miracle and living every moment of it.
I don't know if I've written about this before or not, but I saw a doctor a few months ago for just a routine check-up - and they let me know that, based on the tests they'd done, I was likely to have a very difficult time getting pregnant. They told me to plan on 4 to 6 years. I came home, and I cried. I hadn't even considered this possibility, and it wasn't something I was expecting to hear at a generic doctor's appointment about nothing in particular. Geoff and I had talked about waiting a while yet, but that news really shook us up - because we knew that, eventually, we definitely wanted a family. And I was so devastated to think that it might not happen for us.
The news that we were expecting was a HUGE shock. I know that's part of why I'm so excited about it - and I know that's why I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And probably also why it took me a while to catch on to all my early pregnancy symptoms :)
I think that the beginning of my second trimester means the beginning of my new way of thinking about this whole thing. Clearly, God wants us to start our family now. And if this whole thing is his plan, then I need to trust that it's all going to work out the way it's supposed to - whatever that means.
Labels: Baby Talk, My Life, Stuff I'm Thinking About, The Boy
posted by Lindsay @ 7:28 AM
6 Comments:
Lindsay, I'm glad you can relax a bit and just trust God to carry you and this little one through this process of life-giving. Isn't it just like God to refute the doctor's pronouncements and make us glad?!:) A sermon I heard Sun. reminded us that it is human to have fear but our emphasis is to be on our great God who sustains in spite of fear.
wow, that makes it even MORE exciting. I had no idea.
I'm with Crystal on this. That's awesome. I love God. He's cool.
As for being scared, I totally found myself slipping into that too. What I did that helped me with the whole trying to get prego, then being prego is to give it all to Him. Seriously, that conscious choice made it managable. Everytime I found myself slipping into fear, I'd just pray over it and it was gone. You and Geoff are blessed - and do I need to remind you that I'm so excited!!!! Hope to see you soon. Mel
I think the fears are natural--maybe even normal.My mom would say things like pregnancy is fearsome and awful and yet she had 11 live ones.And she loved us so much that we all turned out to be great nurturers and parents.,who teach our kids to love their kids.Thats God given and you have the same potential.God is a mighty God and anawesome God.He never ceases to amaze me as I see Him in the light of generations of children.
First, second, third - they were all the same for me, but I do hear that number two is quite lovely for women who don't have the same story as I...
However. As I come to the end of number three, it suddenly occurs to me that while getting this baby into me was *clearly* easy, getting it out may not be. Why, oh why did someone not tell me Junior needs to come out?! ;)
Oh, Kari-Ann... I KNOW. I sincerely doubt that these babies will 'accidentally' come out of us. And thinking about that makes me queasy all over again :)
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