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The Real Deal

Something pretty cool happened yesterday. The U.S. Centre for Disease Control recognized Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as a 'real' disease. I know - it's ridiculous that it took them this long. But better late than never? Read about their decision - and the lastest news on the disease - here.

I often talk about my fibromyalgia. I rarely talk about my CFS. The two often (but not always) go hand-in-hand, so I'm sure it's not a real secret that I struggle with both. But I hate talking about it. More than hating it... I'm scared to talk about it. Honestly, I'm worried about how other people will react. It feels like such a weak disease, which I know is so far from the truth. It just seems like as soon as you say it out loud, you get one of two reactions: an eye roll, or an 'I'm tired a lot too.' Of course, there's always a rational group of a few friends who are just the right amount of sympathetic - but they're not as dramatic and fun to talk about, are they? :)

I finally saw my doctor today, much to the relief of a few close friends who knew what was going on. My combined fibro and CFS symptoms have been getting progressively worse lately, both physically and mentally. I've been incredibly scattered lately - doing lots of crazy things like turning on the tap to wash my hands, and then leaving the room before I realize the water is still running. If you know me at all, you know that is absolutely bizarre behaviour. I'm sleeping all the time, and napping every time I stop moving for four seconds. And the pain and muscle issues have been largely concentrated in my legs, which have been spasming and incredibly weak and unstable. This all culminated in The Incident which happened on my way to work yesterday morning.

It's so embarrassing, but I feel like it has to be told - not for sympathy, but so that people understand how incredibly real these diseases are. The short version is that I fell while I was getting into my car. The muscles in my legs just got crazy-weak and gave out on me, and I didn't just lose my balance. I fell. Like a rock. And hit my head. Twice, actually - once on the car door and once on the car itself.

After it happened, I sat there for a minute in absolute shock. I'm not sure how I ended up here. Not HERE as in sitting on my ass with an aching head. But HERE. In an instant, I became That Person whose health has deteriorated to the point of endangering myself. Or at least, I became aware of it.

That's all bad news. But the good news is that I got in to see my GP on a cancellation this afternoon. And it seems that The Incident was finally (finally!) enough to get his attention, because I have a referral to see a local doctor who specializes in chronic pain, and whose main area of interest and research is fibromyalgia. So who knows. At best, I might be able to figure out an actual solution to all of this insanity. Or at least, I'll have the ear of someone in the medical field who might understand, if only for 5 or 10 minutes.

As tough as it was to live that moment and its aftermath... I may have fallen into something very good.

Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, My Life

posted by Lindsay @ 5:48 PM