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The Truth

Enough surface blogging, world. The truth is that it's been a really challenging week. Fibromyalgia's a real bitch sometimes. And I prefer to pretend that I'm absolutely fine, and coping beautifully - when the truth might be a little bit ugly.

It's hard to describe. I've had days this week when the weight of my clothes on my skin is almost unbearable. I have moments every day when I know that the information I'm needing is inside my brain somewhere, but I just can't get to it - kind of a nauseating feeling for someone who's used to being smart. And here's a fun one: one of the fibromyalgia symptoms I have the privilege of living with is that I'm no longer able to reach the deepest stage of sleep on my own (aka without drugs). The result is that it doesn't seem to matter how long I sleep, I will always wake up exhausted. But if I take the drugs, I don't wake up at all - when I was on them, I was unable to work more than about half-time. And that's not an option for me, so the vicious cycle continues.

I'm learning every day how to take care of myself better. That's not something that comes very naturally - I think we women are hard-wired to feel guilty and selfish when we put ourselves first :)

I know this sounds gloomy and depressing, but you know what? Somehow, in the midst of all of this, there is so much joy in my life. And through it all - the trials and the joy - God keeps on peeking in, surprising me with more grace than I deserve and more blessings than I ever could have earned.

I'm starting to think that maybe the truth is kind of beautiful after all.

Labels: Arthritis/Fibromyalgia, My Life

posted by Lindsay @ 11:46 PM