Friday, September 10, 2010


I ran out of spoons tonight.

I don't even remember the last time I miscalculated this significantly. But it happened. And the result was spectacular... If you consider a train wreck to be spectacular. I reacted to a completely insignificant situation with all the grace of a drunken elephant (and then retreated to my bed and promptly fell asleep, which probably says everything right there).

Running out of spoons is always hard, but it's the hardest when you weren't wasting them. Sometimes life takes a little more than what you have to give. For a healthy person, it's not that big of a deal. For a person living with chronic illness, it's a capital-letters TRAIN WRECK. And maybe that's the difference. I can fake healthy all I want to, and I can do it so well that the people around me sometimes forget what I'm dealing with, but when one of these days comes along - and it inevitably will - there is just no hiding it. It's ugly. But it's the reality of what I live with.

So now I feel sick, utterly devoid of spoons, and embarrassed as heck. I'm working very hard to extend some grace to myself, hoping that others will do the same, and going to bed early. And the sun will rise on a new day tomorrow.

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At September 11, 2010 10:24 AM, Anonymous Marilyn said...

Hope the spoon allotment is full again today. I don't think you should have to worry about what others think when you miscalculate the amount of spoons available each day. I'm sure that grief uses some.

At September 12, 2010 1:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feel better soon.


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