Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Plus Eight

I think I've been doing a pretty good job of staying relaxed and trying to take things as they come (or don't come) over the last couple of days. But today was a milestone in our little family. It was the day that Geoff went back to work.

I kind of just took for granted that we'd have a baby by now, so I wasn't really worrying about it - because as soon as I go into labour, Geoff will have some time off. But all along, I've been nervous about going into labour while he's at work. Because of his work, it's critical that the ward is adequately staffed at all times, no exceptions. And so far this month, there have been a couple of days when they've found themselves with a skeleton staff. What that could potentially mean for us is that Geoff would not be able to leave work when I need him to - until a replacement can be found, or until the end of his twelve-hour shift. Now you begin to see the source of my stress... We're a team. We're a really good team. And the idea of doing any part of this on my own is not really okay with me.

For the rest of this week, Geoff is working a twelve-hour shift every day. Which means that, if I go into labour and include travel time in my calculation, there's better than a 50/50 chance that he'll be away from home when that happens. If he's not, then he's getting some much-needed sleep in between shifts. Not really what we'd hoped for and planned on. The only real 'out' is if I don't go into labour... Which means that at my Thursday appointment (that I'll need to go to on my own), we'll make induction decisions - which isn't really the delivery I'd hoped for either.

Can you tell that I've been over-thinking all of this? I slept kind of pathetically last night. I was up tossing and turning for most of the night (as much as a very pregnant lady can toss and turn - it's not pretty). Then sometime around 5 am, I had a moment. In that moment, I realized that this situation with our baby is entirely outside of my control. I can worry about how this week is going to play out, but it doesn't change a single thing. So I could worry... Or I could let it go.

I'm choosing to let it go. And as soon as I spoke those words out loud, I slept like a baby. It sounds so simple, but it feels pretty profound. God has blessed us with this baby, and he has known my baby girl's birthday since before even I was born. And that's the day when she'll get here and officially join our little family.

But I kind of wish that day had been yesterday... :)


A few random thoughts...

I need to stay out of the kitchen. We have one of those fancy stoves with a touchpad on the front of it, and a microwave over top. Every time I use the stove - or the microwave - my belly hits the touchpad and turns the oven on. Seriously. I hear that beep so many times a day.

I'm seriously down to one pair of jeans and maybe three tops that I can wear in public. I have outgrown everything else. So anyone who sees me at home is absolutely guaranteed to see me in sweats rolled down under my belly, and a shirt that's covering about 2/3 of what it's supposed to be (and these are maternity shirts). I cannot believe how low a belly can drop.

It's *almost* starting to be fun to have strangers ask when I'm due. 'Eight days ago.' You should see their faces...

It's not like there's nothing going on here. It's just not anything significant. I've been having lots of 'pre-labour' symptoms and contractions for days and days, they're just not consistant or regular at all. For some reason, I'm just missing that trigger that will turn all this weirdness with my body into actual labour. It's the strangest process.

I got out of bed this morning to go answer the door... For a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses who really wanted to convert me. I managed to be polite, but that is *not* how I would choose to start my day.

Apparently, my Baby Ticker on the side of my blog has given up on us. Not only is it counting up again... There's no baby in there anymore!



At November 11, 2008 12:43 PM, Blogger Amber said...

Okay, so I can be the first one to say I was getting a little excited that I hadn't seen a post yet from you this morning (thought: maybe she's having the baby!).

But now I'm laughing at the idea of you going to the microwave and turning on your stove, AND the idea of you walking around with a third of your belly sticking out (and you were concerned about a bikini would you look how long ago?).

As far as baby coming, and whether or not Geoff will be there, my thoughts are with you, and I'm sure everything will workout. I have no doubts :)

At November 11, 2008 12:43 PM, Anonymous Marilyn said...

The really important thing is not the ticker baby but the one inside of you:)
I was praying for you the very thing you mentioned today...giving up control. You might have to do it consciously a few more times:) God IS in control and this baby will come and you will both enjoy the moments you have with her even though that won't be 100% of her time. In other words, you will both have some time away from her and have to accept the time you do have with her as precious.
So peace be with both you and Geoff today.

At November 11, 2008 6:14 PM, Blogger Margaret said...

Marilyn is a very smart mom. You are lucky to have her (& I don't even know her). I ditto all she said.

At November 11, 2008 8:15 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

That baby ticker thing with no baby is just weird. Why would it do that?
Hang in there Linds! Thinking of you......and darn those 12 hour nursing shifts!


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