Message From 'Past Lindsay'
I was spending part of my lunch break surfing the interweb, and I came across this blog entry I'd made on February 21, 2006 - two and a half years ago.You know the episode of The Office where Jim and Pam are sending faxes from 'Future Dwight'? This felt like a message from 'Past Lindsay' - and it was kind of cool. It made me smile at how much my life has changed in such a relatively short amount of time. And it made me so optimistic about my future. About *our* future.
It was exactly what I needed to get myself just one step closer to letting go of all the worries that have been plaguing me this week, because it made me realize that it's absolutely going to all turn out okay :)
I had a noteworthy moment today. One that should be recorded so that I don't forget what it felt like.
Five months ago, I lost my job. But an extraordinary thing happened: I found myself. The most extraordinary thing about that is that I didn't know that I had been lost. I think that people can just get so wrapped up in the status quo that we lose track of which way is up - and which way is us.
Walking to my car after work today, I realized that - for the first time in a long time - I am content. I am spending my time doing things that I love, and I am happy. I don't have everything I want, but I have everything I need. And that in itself is extraordinary.
For me, the time in between my last job and my current one was the most valuable time I've ever enjoyed. I took the time to rediscover myself. It was not a comfortable process. I slowed down long enough to figure out what makes me happy - what I want to spend my time doing, and what is truly important to me. I focused on my health and - for the first time - really, truly took care of myself. I went back to Europe and learned a hundred lessons about what it means to be strong and optimistic about the future - and what it means to be a hero, someone who has used their life to make a difference. When I started this job, I knew who I was and what I had to offer. And that is an amazing feeling.
Whoever 'they' are, they were wrong: I didn't learn everything I needed to know about life in kindergarten. I don't know it all now. But the lessons so far have brought me to this place, and it's a place where I'm happy to be.
Now, that said... Of course, something had to give. On the eve of this moment of total content, The Boy told me that he was finished with our attempt at a relationship - that there was someone else. It's always disappointing when things don't work out, but I feel an odd peace. I know in my soul that things worked out the way they should have. That there's something better for me out there. And until that happens... I am content.
Labels: Stuff I'm Thinking About
posted by Lindsay @ 12:55 PM
5 Comments:
Future Dwight = Best. Episode. Ever.
Great post Lindsay. It's absolutely true. Things do work out.
:)
Completely agree with you and Crystal - Future Dwight is a classic.
I think it's interesting how life evolves so quickly and quietly sometimes (though I imagine the job loss probably didn't feel too quiet) that we don't always notice how big a change has been made in such a short time.
Your world has come a long way in 2 1/2 years ... what an incredible journey.
Wow, powerful stuff -- thanks for sharing. That kind of reflecting is so important, if for nothing else than encouraging thankfulness.
Oh. I remember Past Lindsay. And That Boy. And the Baked Expectations. And being in the city with my girls and working our downtown jobs.
But oh how I love This Lindsay. And The Boys. And now the babies. And the new jobs we do from home.
But, we are overdue for some Baked Expectations, wouldn't you say?
Crystal & Nicole - I know. It's tied with my favourite-ever office prank against Dwight (a four-way that includes Jim turning into a vampire, Jim training Dwight to have a Pavlovian response to his Windows booting sound, and Dwight being recruited by the CIA). If it was open to *any* office pranks, I'd throw Andy and the cell phone in the ceiling. Ahhh... Mere weeks to go before a new season :D
Nicole & Jer - I think it's so funny that you don't really know something is profound until you're far past it. One of the cool things about keeping a blog (or journaling, I suppose, if that's someone else's thing).
KA - Mmm... Cheesecake. I owe lots of the sanity I enjoy today to you and Anja and the 'single/downtown' phase of our lives. And I agree. I love This KA too. And I love our new grown-up lives (and the fact that we're all still in each others' - new versions of old friendships). It makes me really happy.
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