Things No One Warned Me About: Crying It Out
Are there parents who sail through bouts of crying it out? This is very foreign territory to us, in a house with a single toddler who's been a good sleeper since she was tiny - right up until this week.I'm pretty sure that 20 minutes of on-and-off crying is nothing to be blogging about. I'm also pretty sure we're supposed to leave her crying for waaaaay longer in between check-ins than we do.
But I am so very on edge, I could snap. This is horrible. I just want to cuddle her all night and whisper in her ear that I'm not going anywhere at all. Ever.
Labels: Mommy Stuff, Things No One Warned Me About
posted by Lindsay @ 8:27 PM
5 Comments:
Sawyer is a lot younger than Briony, I know, but I've started with waiting 2 minutes, then 3, then 4, then 5, then 5 minute intervals after that. Now of course this is if he doesn't sound absolutely frantic when he starts. If he is then I go in first and then start this schedule. They also say not to talk, but I just shhhhh him and rub his back a little so that he knows I'm there. I know what you mean though, it's so hard. I'd rather just snuggle him until he falls asleep but he won't do it.
20 minutes isn't too bad though, Sawyer has done up to 2 hours!
You may not want to hear this, but... B is about the age Scarlett was when she suddenly started doing all sorts of weird things when it came to sleep. She was a pretty rock star sleeper, too, and then suddenly she wouldn't settle, she'd cry on and on about how she needed to snuggle with mommy, all sorts of unusual stuff.
Then one day I decided to try something different. So I asked if she wanted to sleep in a big girl bed of her OWN, and you should have seen her eyes light up. I put her to sleep in the spare bed and NEVER HEARD ANOTHER PEEP. It was incredible. There was this little wee not-quite-two-year-old girl sleeping in this big double bed (in a room that was - and looked like - a totally neglected spare room).
It also helped that it took her a month or two to figure out that she could get out of the bed herself. She'd just holler in the morning when she was up like she had in the crib. It was pretty cute.
That said, it's almost as painful to take your baby out of the crib as it is to let them cry it out. Just sayin'. :)
I don't know how to say this without it sounding judgmental - as a result I've typed and deleted it countless times already - so I'll just write it knowing that you know me and know that I would never intend to offend or judge you in ANY WAY ...
I don't think letting her C.I.O. is the answer based on what you've said. I'm a HUGE believer in the C.I.O method, this I think you know? Maybe I haven't mentioned it to you, but either way, I am a total advocate, for my family at least.
Except, and I could be wrong, I think it's meant for babies who aren't sleeping well and as you mentioned, B has always been a good sleeper.
I think, and again I could be totally wrong, it could be the shifts and changes. With Katie gone on vacay and your niece there and her daddy there but not available in the same way as usual and her mommy probably balancing her usual routine differently, she's probably all okay with it in the day but exhibits her unease (for lack of a better term and there is one, I just can't think of it as it is 11:15 at night) with the changes, no matter how fun they are and adaptable she may seem to them during the day, at night.
I say, you want to so cuddle her. You heart is telling you to and you should listen to it. Letting Palmer C.I.O was hard, but my heart also told me that it would teach him how to sleep through the night. B has no issues with that. You know she can do it. She's not doing it because she doesn't know how like a baby doesn't know how. Now when Palmer doesn't sleep through a night I know it's because of something more and I can address that.
I say, reassure her. Tell her, even though she may not understand it fully, that you know a lot of things are different right now but that you are all there for her. Explain that you know she maybe needs a few more snuggles and so until things get back to normal if she needs you will be there for her but that it won't become a regular thing. And if for some reason it becomes a regular thing and you are not okay with it then you can change it.
I don't know ... it's just my 2 cents. Parenting ... it's tough stuff and I TOTALLY feel for you my friend!
I don't ever go back in to Chloe's room unless she SCREAMS bloody murder for more than 20 minutes straight. If there are breaks between the crying then I leave her. Maybe I'm a horrible mom but I sometimes just turn off the baby monitor if I know it's not an emergency and she's just overtired because listening to her cry without reason makes my anxiety skyrocket. I find her crying stops if I make a loud noise in the basement while I'm working in the evening so she knows I'm still there. But - we've been dealing with legit nightmares lately (a stupid mistake on my part that started it) so we've had to do the "scary monster check" every night before bed now. Chloe's always been really easy to tell if it's an emergency or just an overtired cry though.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences. Ironically, I do *not* believe in crying it out on principle, with a few exceptions... But I knew it was the right thing to do yesterday. After 20 minutes of off-and-on crying, she fell asleep - and I woke up to a surprise visitor this morning: Briony Evangeline Wright, in all her giggly glory. We had a great day today - including a totally fuss-free nap (hooray!). Now fingers are crossed for a good bedtime...
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