runlindsayrun

Feeling A Little Overwhelmed

Our trip to BC proved that when it rains, it pours - at least weather-wise. Since we returned home almost a week ago, we're learning that the same is true for life in general.

I'm not really sure what my problem is. I just have this near-constant feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm making a conscious effort to focus less on my to-do lists and more on just living life, but it's hard. Every time I walk from the car to the house, I see flowerbeds that haven't been touched. Then I open the back door and I see the ten little projects I'd meant to do inside. Then I walk upstairs and see the suitcases I haven't unpacked yet... You get the picture. And that's just at home.

This week's new little drama is health-related. I'm sick. Like honest-to-goodness, don't-want-to-get-out-of-bed, whiny-and-miserable sick. In case you haven't figured this out about me already, I'm lousy at being sick. My doctor was great today and assured me that I'd done the right thing by coming in and seeing him - and doing a few tests to rule out anything treatable - but it's a nasty viral infection, and it just needs to run its course (drug free). And I'm panicking about it. I feel like I *should* be at work. And I know that I'm on an aggressive timeline for recovery, because my mom is scheduled to start chemo a week from today - and unless I'm healthy, I can't be *anywhere* near her.

Today was especially hard. I didn't accomplish ANYTHING, other than a trip to the doctor and keeping myself full of fluids and within arms reach of Kleenex at all times (and lots of that was accomplished with Geoff's help).

And while I was feeling so bad, my day was nothing like my parents' day. They spent today at HSC getting her port installed so that she can start chemo next week. It was supposed to be a very simple day surgery... It ended up being very full of complications, and while the port is in and she's resting at home - there was nothing okay about it. I want so badly to be able to see them, to bring over dinner, to do SOMETHING - but I'm stuck here at a distance nursing this blasted cold/flu/the plague/whatever this is. It made me cry. Kind of a lot.

I'm trying every day to remember that - while so much of what's going on right now can be classified as 'something to get through' - this is LIFE. All of it. And I want so much to experience this, rather than simply survive it. This is the stuff that makes us who we are.

Labels: Family, My Life, The Boy, The C Word

posted by Lindsay @ 10:28 PM