runlindsayrun

In Transition

Isn't that the story of my life? :)

This past year, I've literally spent hours in prayer, begging God to just let me have a year or two of drama-free life. No major upsets, no major changes - even good ones. I've had it. I just want half a second to get used to something, to catch my breath, to figure it all out. I thought that moment was coming, and then I met Geoff. And then I saw it coming again, and then we got engaged and started planning a wedding and house shopping and planning our trip. And then there was cancer. And then there was Briony. And then there was the decision to start my business.

I'd like to pause and figure out how to be a mommy - and even more importantly, to figure out how to be a mommy and a wife and a writer and ME, all at the same time. For the record, I totally (mis)underestimated the whole simultaneous mommy and wife thing... I think that's been the very hardest change for me. But I'm probably supposed to pretend it's no big deal, right? Is that how the game is played? :)

I've been feeling so... unsteady. Then on my drive home today, I got this song stuck in my head and I don't think it was an accident. For the first time in a long time, I found it. It was not exactly the feeling I'd been looking for, no promise that life won't keep changing - but the confidence that whatever changes, it's okay.

I don't pretend to have a 'traditional' faith. Whatever that means. Church doesn't always make sense to me, and other Christians often confuse me. At the same time, church can sometimes be awesome, and other Christians can be a huge encouragement to me. So my faith feels the truest to me when it's intensely personal. I like to think that my faith lives in these quiet moments when I feel like I can have a conversation with God, moments when I can feel things and trust that he's listening and that he cares. He knows that when we finally meet in heaven, I'm likely to run and give him a hug, and then smack the back of his head and ask 'what were you thinking?!' And I like to think that he'll be totally cool with that.

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
I don't care what the world throws at me now
It's gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know his word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here
- Salvation is Here (Hillsong United)

Labels: Faith the Universe and Everything, Married Stuff, Mommy Stuff, Stuff I'm Thinking About

posted by Lindsay @ 3:26 PM