The N-Word
There are lots of dirty words, but none so difficult for me to utter as the word NO.I'm becoming increasingly aware that my life is very, very full. And I'll be brave enough to say it: it's too full. I'm making myself sick, running around and trying to fit everything in.
The problem is that all these things are good things. I love my job. I love my relationships. I love all the volunteer and church stuff that I'm involved in. But I realized months ago that it's time to start saying NO to some of these good things.
I practiced saying NO to a few small things, to warm up and get some practice before we got to any really big decisions. I told myself that the world was full of capable people (ha ha), and that it didn't always need to be me. Guess what happened. No one believed me. My NOs were totally rejected. I heard phrases like "but you'll do it anyway?" and "we need you to reconsider" and "can't do it without you, Lindsay." One person actually laughed.
And so here I sit, dead tired after a weekend spent making everyone around me happy, and dealing with yet another fibromyalgia flare-up. People who barely know me are commenting that I look sad. I'm not sad. I'm just tired.
When you're diagnosed with a disease like this, no one tells you about this part - about the psychological toll and how it will affect areas of your life that have absolutely nothing to do with mobility. I'm so blessed to have friends and family who rally around me on days like this. I know it will be better in the morning. Today's just a tough one.
This all makes it very ironic that I'm beginning my new round of fundraisers this month, to start raising money for Joints in Motion - happening November 2007 in Athens. I know that it doesn't make sense to other people, why I'd commit to such a huge fundraising and physical training process when I'm not healthy myself. But this is one project that actually invigorates me - it's a net gain on energy.
It's the thing in my life that makes me feel like I'm winning.
L
posted by Lindsay @ 2:42 PM
2 Comments:
Repeat after me... "If you never say no, what's the value of your yes?" In other words, if you do everything every time, it becomes meaningless... And no one ever respects a no.
Then again, who am I to talk?! It's 11:30 and I'm back at work after zipping into a meeting in Winnipeg tonight, and I am now trying to get a zillion things done so I can peacefully spend 4 days moulding the minds of 33 of this province's most promising Grade 12 students. I'll sleep next week...
They're allowing you to mould young minds?! Dear lord. Something else your mother said is apparently true: we're all going to hell in a handbasket.
L
PS - What does that mean?!
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