Round Two
So my mom has her second round of chemo today, starting in about 15 minutes.I'm feeling so many things about this right now, heightened I'm sure by the fact that I was up way too late last night, unable to sleep because of all the thoughts occupying my brain.
I know that each round of chemo brings us closer to healing, and the end of this whole mess. After this week, she's done 2 out of 6 treatments - and that's awesome. But I hate seeing her sick like she was the last time. I hate knowing that she's spending the day in the hospital, having her veins pumped full of poison. And I hate knowing that this all means that I'm losing my mom again for a little while.
It was *so* nice to have her back and feeling like herself again last week, because that was the first time I'd felt that in months. I'm scared that every treatment will steal her away from us for a little bit longer, while her body gets more and more worn down. I miss her so much during her chemo sick days, even when I'm right beside her.
I'm so hesitant to even say that, because I know that we're lucky. I'm lucky to have my mom here with us, and I'm lucky that they caught this cancer early enough to ensure a great prognosis. I know that there's nothing more that she wants in the world than to be past all this and just enjoying her life and her family again. She loves being our mom, and I know that when she needs to 'go away' during her very sickest days, she misses us too.
These are my honest feelings today, tears and all. Take them or leave them. And maybe I'll be strong again tomorrow :)
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you.
Isaiah 26.3
Labels: Family, The C Word
posted by Lindsay @ 10:41 AM
4 Comments:
I'm praying for your mom today Lindsay. And that verse was EXACTLY what i needed to read today. Thank you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you guys always. (((hugs)))
Thanks for sharing in these vulnerable moments Lindsay. You and your family are all so brave and so much stronger together. It's incredible to hear your story.
Amen to Nikki's comment. Shalom
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