Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Lost and Found


















Near Lausanne, Switzerland - October 2005


I had a noteworthy moment today. One that should be recorded so that I don't forget what it felt like.

Five months ago, I lost my job. But an extraordinary thing happened: I found myself. The most extraodinary thing about that is that I didn't know that I had been lost. I think that people can just get so wrapped up in the status quo that we lose track of which was is up - and which way is us.

Walking to my car after work today, I realized that - for the first time in a long time - I am content. I am spending my time doing things that I love, and I am happy. I don't have everything I want, but I have everything I need. And that in itself is extraordinary.

For me, the time in between my last job and my current one was the most valuable time I've ever enjoyed. I took the time to rediscover myself. It was not a comfortable process. I slowed down long enough to figure out what makes me happy - what I want to spend my time doing, and what is truly important to me. I focused on my health and - for the first time - really, truly took care of myself. I went to Europe and learned a hundred lessons about what it means to be strong and optimistic about the future - and what it means to be a hero, someone who has used their life to make a difference. When I started this job, I knew who I was and what I had to offer. And that is an amazing feeling.

Whoever 'they' are, they were wrong: I didn't learn everything I needed to know about life in kindergarten. I don't know it all now. But the lessons so far have brought me to this place, and it's a place where I'm happy to be.

Now, that said... Of course, something had to give. On the eve of this moment of total content, The Boy told me that he was finished with our attempt at a relationship - that there was someone else. It's always disappointing when things don't work out, but I feel an odd peace. I know in my soul that things worked out the way they should have. That there's something better for me out there. And until that happens... I am content.

L

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